6 June, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Royal Park Salvage mascot should really get that middle leg looked at

Look, we’re not going to pretend we know what Royal Park Salvage does, or even go to the effort of looking it up, we’re just really concerned for the physical health of their mascot.

As far as we can guess, Royal Park Salvage does something that requires a lot of trucks, perhaps recycling or demolition, however that’s not the point of all this. Their rotund orange mascot is clearly in need of an adult pediatrician, if that’s even a thing (once again we’re not going to look it up).

Carrying what seems to be either a mallet or a croquet club, the egg shaped fellow appears to have two legs on the right side of his body, one protruding from his groin and one directly underneath his armpit. With neither leg is in optimal place for any kind of physical activity, particularly manual labor, one can only wonder how this fellow obtained his White Card (actually it’s pretty easy to obtain, when I did it the guy sitting next to me was smoking meth during the examination part and he helped me with the answers).

What the hell is going on with your body mate, seriously?

And why do we only ever see one side of the man? Does he have three, perhaps four or more, legs? We can only speculate and grow increasingly worried the more we look at him.

Although his almost perfectly round body shape could also be somewhat disturbing, we’ve actually seen a fair few guys on building sites with shapes similar to this. One guy I used to work with, Thommo, would down 2 litres of Iced Coffee before morning break and then smash two pies, a kransky, a big cookie and a Violet Crumble from the smoko-truck before lunch. Then he’d fall asleep on the forklift after yelling at us for not doing enough work. Thommo looked just like this guy but without the leg.

Royal Park man, if you are reading this, please seek medical attention immediately. However, if you are just a fictional cartoon, please ensure your artist makes a booking with a local optometrist.

Related Posts

SA Water announce new Adelaide theme park ‘Burst Water Main World’

8 August, 2019

8 August, 2019

In an attempt to diversify revenue streams ahead of its probable privatisation, SA Water has revealed plans to open its...

Man who suggested synchronising traffic light sequences swiftly fired

30 September, 2019

30 September, 2019

A staff member from South Australia’s Department of Planning, Transport & Infrastructure has been fired from his role as a...

Researchers remain baffled at financial viability of shop in Station Arcade

30 May, 2018

30 May, 2018

After two years spent attempting to understand the specific economics of Adelaide’s Station Arcade, researchers are no closer to answering...

Johnny Haysman eats 2kg bag of sugar in attempt to gain YouTube subscribers

6 March, 2019

6 March, 2019

In an attempt to appeal to a younger market and beat the YouTube algorithm, local eccentric Adelaide legend John Haysman...

Car controlled by bees still more courteous than most Adelaide drivers

26 September, 2019

26 September, 2019

In a growing trend to worry drivers and parents across Adelaide, South Australian motorists are surrendering their cars to swarms...

Power fans start pretending they always follow SANFL

20 September, 2019

20 September, 2019

With the Port Adelaide Magpies facing off against Glenelg in the SANFL Grand Final this weekend, Port Power fans will...

Remaining KI koalas go missing as news of PM’s visit spreads

8 January, 2020

8 January, 2020

As news of the Prime Minister’s visit to Kangaroo Island spreads amongst what remains of Kangaroo Island’s koala community, the...

Valley Butchers unsure why anybody would be offended by new sign

18 September, 2019

18 September, 2019

An Adelaide butcher who was found to have breached advertising standards by displaying a sign that read ‘Non Halal Certified’...

New SA tourism campaign just a 5 day live stream of weeping widow

2 September, 2019

2 September, 2019

South Australia’s tourism commission has unveiled a new marketing concept that is equal parts depressing and long, the two key...

New sports radio station 1629 SEN releases coverage map

10 December, 2018

10 December, 2018

Following questions about the breadth of new sports-only radio station SEN’s broadcast coverage, the fledgling station has released a comprehensive...

Report: Albert Bensimon actually enjoyed a little bit of hoo-ha

19 December, 2018

19 December, 2018

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite his self-anointed reputation as a serious, no-nonsense jewellery magnate, the Adelaide Mail can finally reveal that Albert...

Man calling a ‘parmi’ a ‘parma’ rightfully run out of town

21 March, 2019

21 March, 2019

Jolkeep Johnton thought that he was masking his innate Victorian-ness well, he would pronounce the word ‘graph’ with an almost...

More like “Slowa Pasta” says local comedic genius

9 August, 2019

9 August, 2019

As a group of friends decided to treat themselves 1998’s best dining experience, little did they know what was in...

Norwood cafe Argo to begin taking bookings for those who just want to line up

24 October, 2018

24 October, 2018

In a move described by industry experts as ‘revolutionary’, the popular eastern suburbs brunch spot Argo is to begin taking...

Salesman optimistic about selling in-ground pool to family holding Bertie Beetle showbags

31 August, 2018

31 August, 2018

When it comes to closing the deal, Christian Levolsi backs himself like few other salesmen, so when he was faced...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: