26 September, 2022

Royal Park Salvage mascot should really get that middle leg looked at

Look, we’re not going to pretend we know what Royal Park Salvage does, or even go to the effort of looking it up, we’re just really concerned for the physical health of their mascot.

As far as we can guess, Royal Park Salvage does something that requires a lot of trucks, perhaps recycling or demolition, however that’s not the point of all this. Their rotund orange mascot is clearly in need of an adult pediatrician, if that’s even a thing (once again we’re not going to look it up).

Carrying what seems to be either a mallet or a croquet club, the egg shaped fellow appears to have two legs on the right side of his body, one protruding from his groin and one directly underneath his armpit. With neither leg is in optimal place for any kind of physical activity, particularly manual labor, one can only wonder how this fellow obtained his White Card (actually it’s pretty easy to obtain, when I did it the guy sitting next to me was smoking meth during the examination part and he helped me with the answers).

What the hell is going on with your body mate, seriously?

And why do we only ever see one side of the man? Does he have three, perhaps four or more, legs? We can only speculate and grow increasingly worried the more we look at him.

Although his almost perfectly round body shape could also be somewhat disturbing, we’ve actually seen a fair few guys on building sites with shapes similar to this. One guy I used to work with, Thommo, would down 2 litres of Iced Coffee before morning break and then smash two pies, a kransky, a big cookie and a Violet Crumble from the smoko-truck before lunch. Then he’d fall asleep on the forklift after yelling at us for not doing enough work. Thommo looked just like this guy but without the leg.

Royal Park man, if you are reading this, please seek medical attention immediately. However, if you are just a fictional cartoon, please ensure your artist makes a booking with a local optometrist.

Related Posts

OTR revise plans for HQ after helipad complaints; Now it’s just a giant Monty Python foot stomping on the eastern suburbs

3 March, 2020

3 March, 2020

Our omnipotent overlords at Peregrine Corporation have signalled that they’re ready to negotiate on plans for a new head office...

Oh no! Someone confused “Emo Park” with “Emu Park”, let a bunch of emus loose and now it’s even worse

3 December, 2021

3 December, 2021

Adelaide’s most depressing piece of parkland has seen more mayhem than usual today, with an unexpected yet understandable mix-up resulting...

Peter Van’s to close; Advertiser wonders how many more times it can use phrase “Party’s over”

24 January, 2020

24 January, 2020

As news emerged that Adelaide’s resident Party Man, Peter Van will be ceasing all partying come March, subeditors at satirical...

Garden Grove erect giant windsock to capture free top soil in dust storm

19 September, 2019

19 September, 2019

Landscape supplier Garden Grove best known for their trucks smelling like manure and mistakenly being called Golden Grove Supplies have...

Elon Musk regrets not getting a second slab of West End from The Commercial Hotel in Jamestown

28 June, 2018

28 June, 2018

Global entrepreneur and deadset legend, Elon Musk, is still reminiscing about installing the world’s largest battery in South Australia’s far...

Remaining KI koalas go missing as news of PM’s visit spreads

8 January, 2020

8 January, 2020

As news of the Prime Minister’s visit to Kangaroo Island spreads amongst what remains of Kangaroo Island’s koala community, the...

Peter Van the Party Man really just wants a quiet night in with the kids

13 September, 2018

13 September, 2018

It’s been over thirty years of non-stop debauchery for Goodwood Road’s most-famous party man Peter Van, but his days of...

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

16 March, 2020

16 March, 2020

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat...

Keith Conlon announced as new drummer for I Killed The Prom Queen

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

In a bold new move by Adelaide’s metalcore kings I Killed The Prom Queen, the announcement of veteran radio broadcaster...

Adelaide Crows eyeing off homesick Victorian with first ever #1 pick at AFL draft

4 July, 2020

4 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT The Adelaide Crows are looking to the future, with the club seeking to wrap up their first ever...

Lucindale starts with the clingy texts after a one night stand

17 September, 2019

17 September, 2019

As the dust settles in the usually quiet town in our State’s South-East and life starts to return to normal,...

‘You can’t pay off COVID fines using free drink cards’, Zhivago owners told

20 July, 2020

20 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT After copping thousands of dollars in fines for breaking COVID-19 restrictions, the owners of Zhivago have been told...

2003 Seaford High graduate wears Year 12 jumper to commemorate the year he peaked

8 June, 2018

8 June, 2018

As he once again donned the faded maroon sweatshirt for a trip to the shops, Ryan Govern, 33, reminisced about...

“We don’t even think about Adelaide” says Victorian as he writes 400 word op-Ed about Adelaide

2 June, 2022

2 June, 2022

GUEST COLUMNIST: VICTOR IAN NOBB Inspired by Melbourne satirical newspaper The Herald Sun, we employed our own Melburnian to write...

Clever motorist shaves hour off commute by simply avoiding South Road and also quitting job

26 October, 2020

26 October, 2020

LIFE HACK: There’s an old saying that goes “Don’t hate the player, hate the game and also hate South Road...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: