24 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Royal Park Salvage mascot should really get that middle leg looked at

Look, we’re not going to pretend we know what Royal Park Salvage does, or even go to the effort of looking it up, we’re just really concerned for the physical health of their mascot.

As far as we can guess, Royal Park Salvage does something that requires a lot of trucks, perhaps recycling or demolition, however that’s not the point of all this. Their rotund orange mascot is clearly in need of an adult pediatrician, if that’s even a thing (once again we’re not going to look it up).

Carrying what seems to be either a mallet or a croquet club, the egg shaped fellow appears to have two legs on the right side of his body, one protruding from his groin and one directly underneath his armpit. With neither leg is in optimal place for any kind of physical activity, particularly manual labor, one can only wonder how this fellow obtained his White Card (actually it’s pretty easy to obtain, when I did it the guy sitting next to me was smoking meth during the examination part and he helped me with the answers).

What the hell is going on with your body mate, seriously?

And why do we only ever see one side of the man? Does he have three, perhaps four or more, legs? We can only speculate and grow increasingly worried the more we look at him.

Although his almost perfectly round body shape could also be somewhat disturbing, we’ve actually seen a fair few guys on building sites with shapes similar to this. One guy I used to work with, Thommo, would down 2 litres of Iced Coffee before morning break and then smash two pies, a kransky, a big cookie and a Violet Crumble from the smoko-truck before lunch. Then he’d fall asleep on the forklift after yelling at us for not doing enough work. Thommo looked just like this guy but without the leg.

Royal Park man, if you are reading this, please seek medical attention immediately. However, if you are just a fictional cartoon, please ensure your artist makes a booking with a local optometrist.

Related Posts

Adelaide Crows eyeing off homesick Victorian with first ever #1 pick at AFL draft

4 July, 2020

4 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT The Adelaide Crows are looking to the future, with the club seeking to wrap up their first ever...

Murray Bridge to build Big Savoury Slice

14 August, 2019

14 August, 2019

In an effort to boost tourism numbers and become one of those ‘random big thing’ regional towns, the rural City...

Single guy reckons going to Urrbrae qualifies him for ‘Farmer Wants a Wife’

19 August, 2019

19 August, 2019

Local bachelor, avid vaper, and Urrbrae dropout Nick Telecom has been looking for love for some time now, he told...

Goodwood Road cemetery to add severed head sculpture to existing public artwork

5 July, 2020

5 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT A Goodwood Road cemetery is looking to increase the number of sculptures depicting severed appendages in a renewed...

Rundle Mall buskers now allowed to expand their repertoire beyond Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’

17 December, 2018

17 December, 2018

In a controversial move, the Adelaide City Council has agreed to a trial period where buskers can perform songs that...

Rail shutdown somehow leads to more punctual tram and train services

21 August, 2019

21 August, 2019

With commuter rail services shut down over two days in order to let transport workers attend mandatory meetings, Adelaide commuters...

Send help. Stuck in traffic on Copper Coast Hwy. Tell wife I love her

28 January, 2019

28 January, 2019

It’s been fourteen hours since I left the campsite at Innes National Park, we thought that we were getting a...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

14-year-old tries to convince friends that he came up with the nickname ‘STABerfoyle Park’

7 July, 2020

7 July, 2020 1

TRENT BARTLETT While he might be a future writer for Charlie Pickering’s The Weekly, Jack Sauerbier will not be winning...

Adelaide Uni law student disappoints family of doctors

24 April, 2019

24 April, 2019

Sometimes having the best opportunities in life does not necessarily lead to fulfilling every expectation. Few things illuminate this concept...

Gran no longer needs to save her dollar coins for “laundry”

27 September, 2019

27 September, 2019

For the past twenty years grandmother Judice Freespins has been known to save every dollar coin she comes across for her...

Township of Gawler produces another tradie

20 June, 2019

20 June, 2019

After committing hundreds of man-hours and thousands of dollars to a town-wide search, the northern Adelaide township of Gawler has...

Stirling stoner claims local chemist name is misleading

3 February, 2020

3 February, 2020

An Adelaide Hills stay-at-home adult daughter and Oreos connoisseur Chakra Vortwenti is claiming that the name of her local pharmacy...

OTR pay their staff fairly and we’re writing this of our own free will

11 December, 2019

11 December, 2019

In recent days, you may have seen news about how a group of lawyers are considering launching a class action...

Elon Musk regrets not getting a second slab of West End from The Commercial Hotel in Jamestown

28 June, 2018

28 June, 2018

Global entrepreneur and deadset legend, Elon Musk, is still reminiscing about installing the world’s largest battery in South Australia’s far...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: