15 April, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Former Unley High student goes whole day without mentioning that Julia Gillard went to Unley

Friends and family of former Unley High School student Matthew Drorting are relieved today following 24 hours of Drorting’s self-imposed Gillard ban in all conversation.

As is the case with all alumni of the inner-southern suburb school, Matthew finds it near impossible to carry out a conversation without name-dropping the former prime minister and Unley graduate.

When I started mentioning…her…it was just a bit of fun, ironic I guess

‘It’s been 28 hours so far, and I’m starting to think that I’m over the hump’, says Drorting. He’s speaking to The Adelaide Mail from his bedroom via Skype, his mother has strapped him to his bed to ward off the withdrawal symptoms that come part-and-parcel with this kind of cold turkey quitting.

‘When I started mentioning…her…it was just a bit of fun, ironic I guess. Her party was in opposition at the time. But then I guess it crept into my everyday conversation’.

‘I think the abstinence has been good for me so far. I’m feeling okay, you know, I’m fine. I’m actually fine. I don’t even need to be strapped down anymore. Come and let me out and I swear I won’t mention her. I promise. I promise. I’m good, I feel good. Just let me mention her! Let me fucking mention her. Let me mention that Julia Gillard went to Unley and I also went to Unley! Please! Just let me crowbar the misogyny speech into conversation one last time, just once’.

Related Posts

ShitAdelaide changes name to MAFSadelaide

8 April, 2019

8 April, 2019

Originally a source of general ridicule at the expense of Adelaide’s drunk and poor, the mysterious owners behind Instagram account...

Aspiring Magic Cave Father Christmas settles for Parabanks gig again

1 December, 2019

1 December, 2019

For professional shopping centre Father Christmas Claude St Velcro, it’s become a case of take what you can get. Every...

Bogged Popeye blocks River Torrens trade route

25 March, 2021

25 March, 2021

One of South Australia’s most tolerated icons has found itself stuck in Adelaide’s main trade route, the River Torrens. Causing...

Elon Musk regrets not getting a second slab of West End from The Commercial Hotel in Jamestown

28 June, 2018

28 June, 2018

Global entrepreneur and deadset legend, Elon Musk, is still reminiscing about installing the world’s largest battery in South Australia’s far...

Guns N’ Roses actually pretty disappointed with Paradise city

24 July, 2019

24 July, 2019

During last year’s world tour, 80’s rock band Guns N’ Roses finally managed to make it to their ultimate destination,...

Shopper actually finds reasonably priced product at OTR

2 August, 2019

2 August, 2019

With South Australia’s government mandated restrictive shopping hours in full force, partly enacted to ensure citizens patronise local family-run service...

Single bloke on Kangaroo Island killing it on Tinder this week

1 November, 2018

1 November, 2018

What a week it has been for Steve Bachelor, 34, of Kangaroo Island. ‘It gets pretty hard dating in regional...

Crows list manager convinced Ashton Kutcher is behind news of player requesting trade TO the Crows

6 October, 2020

6 October, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT In genuinely unprecedented news, an AFL player has made public his desire to move to the Adelaide Football...

Adelaide poaches Open Mouth Kissing Strangers You’ve Just Met Festival from Victoria

7 September, 2020

7 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT In news that has been sitting on our desk for years, but we never got around to writing...

Nobody really sure if the Red Tins thing is sarcastic or not

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

From twenty-somethings happily sharing the same beer with their fathers to bar owners happily off-loading their surplus of West End...

Royal Adelaide Show Cancelled: Who will judge Nan’s knitted Golliwogs now?

14 April, 2020

14 April, 2020

DAN SCHMIDT News has broken that the Royal Adelaide Show has been cancelled for the fifth time in history. Previously...

SA Water announce new Adelaide theme park ‘Burst Water Main World’

8 August, 2019

8 August, 2019

In an attempt to diversify revenue streams ahead of its probable privatisation, SA Water has revealed plans to open its...

Modbury High graduate furious at suggestion she went to Modbury Heights

15 April, 2019

15 April, 2019

It’s been over 15 years since Kelly S. Farm graduated high school to pursue a sticky-tape tester apprenticeship, but there...

Melbourne man visits Adelaide just to complain about shop trading hours

12 January, 2019

12 January, 2019

Gouland Hambitter and his family moved to Melbourne from Adelaide when he was eight-years-old. His father had taken up a...

Goodwood Road cemetery to add severed head sculpture to existing public artwork

5 July, 2020

5 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT A Goodwood Road cemetery is looking to increase the number of sculptures depicting severed appendages in a renewed...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: