31 October, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Former Unley High student goes whole day without mentioning that Julia Gillard went to Unley

Friends and family of former Unley High School student Matthew Drorting are relieved today following 24 hours of Drorting’s self-imposed Gillard ban in all conversation.

As is the case with all alumni of the inner-southern suburb school, Matthew finds it near impossible to carry out a conversation without name-dropping the former prime minister and Unley graduate.

When I started mentioning…her…it was just a bit of fun, ironic I guess

‘It’s been 28 hours so far, and I’m starting to think that I’m over the hump’, says Drorting. He’s speaking to The Adelaide Mail from his bedroom via Skype, his mother has strapped him to his bed to ward off the withdrawal symptoms that come part-and-parcel with this kind of cold turkey quitting.

‘When I started mentioning…her…it was just a bit of fun, ironic I guess. Her party was in opposition at the time. But then I guess it crept into my everyday conversation’.

‘I think the abstinence has been good for me so far. I’m feeling okay, you know, I’m fine. I’m actually fine. I don’t even need to be strapped down anymore. Come and let me out and I swear I won’t mention her. I promise. I promise. I’m good, I feel good. Just let me mention her! Let me fucking mention her. Let me mention that Julia Gillard went to Unley and I also went to Unley! Please! Just let me crowbar the misogyny speech into conversation one last time, just once’.

Related Posts

Ardrossan jetty regulars can spot these city slickers a mile away

13 January, 2020

13 January, 2020

When Goodwood couple Kate and Darren Bovril decided they fancied a nice, peaceful day catching some crabs, they were convinced...

Local pisshead really enjoying this ‘Dry July’ so far

3 July, 2019

3 July, 2019

Regency Park resident and drunkard Al Koholic has had a fantastic, albeit technically wrong, start to the popular ‘Dry July’ campaign. ‘When...

Who fixed the SA outback rocket? Well, I’m glad you asked

21 September, 2020

21 September, 2020

After misfiring early last week, South Australia’s first attempt to join the space race with a rocket from Koonibba was...

Identically-dressed gang members terrorising Schoolies with Jesus talk

23 November, 2019

23 November, 2019

A terrifying new youth gang, reportedly referring to themselves as ‘The Green Team’ are already striking fear into the hearts...

New food delivery service “O-Bahnacle Bill” set to challenge Uber Eats

25 January, 2019

25 January, 2019

Barnacle Bill will start delivering anywhere along the North East Busway track starting early next month. William Cirriped, Director of...

Barossa local, who definitely has bigger things to worry about now, is angry you’re saying NuriOOPTA

30 March, 2020

30 March, 2020

Of all the things that a Barossa Valley resident could be getting angry at right now, Larry Hyphen-Colon has chosen...

Elizabeth resident lobbies council to change name to Playholden

17 October, 2019

17 October, 2019

As the third anniversary of the closure of the Holden plant at Elizabeth approaches, lifetime local resident Camira Minnet lobbies...

Turns out Christies Beach sludge spill just rejected Caleb Bond articles

13 November, 2018

13 November, 2018

A break-in at the Christies Beach sewage treatment plant has seen the nearby beach closed for a stretch of 200...

OG Road shot in drive-by

20 May, 2019

20 May, 2019

Living up to its name, OG road of Klemzig has been attacked in what is believed to be a drug-fueled...

Rip It Up relaunches with Pokies reviews and noise complaint liftout

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

Heritage Adelaide street press Rip It Up magazine is set for a relaunch with a new focus on reflecting the...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

Advertiser censors front page advertisement

21 October, 2019

21 October, 2019

Putting up a united front against secrecy and journalistic censorship, South Australia’s leading satirical news service has joined multiple papers...

Rundle Mall spruiker seamlessly weaves passing chat into sales pitch

10 September, 2019

10 September, 2019

Rundle Mall spruiker Frank Ratta has once again shown why he was awarded ‘SA’s Most Tolerated Spruiker’ eleven years running....

Looming end of winter great news for cable tie manufacturers

15 August, 2019

15 August, 2019

The looming end of Adelaide’s winter signifies two things for most South Australians: re-emerging from your house at night after...

Aspiring Magic Cave Father Christmas settles for Parabanks gig again

1 December, 2019

1 December, 2019

For professional shopping centre Father Christmas Claude St Velcro, it’s become a case of take what you can get. Every...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: