24 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

What the hell is East Terrace’s deal, anyway?

For all the plaudits paid to South Australia’s most famous drawer of grids Colonel William Light, nobody has ever bothered to explain what the deal is with his squiggly rendering of a street that he labelled East Terrace.

While the city’s other self-orientating perimeter streets each travel in one rational direction, East Terrace winds a 90-degree turn-filled path through the eastern parklands. Meanwhile, Hutt Street picks up the slack with a perfectly reasonable north-south bearing.

Now, Adelaide Mail can reveal the true reason behind Colonel Light’s plan for East Terrace, at least according to Ghost Whisperer to Deceased Surveyor’s-General Clancy Lucas.

‘Hold on, hold on, I heard a noise’, Lucas told Adelaide Mail when we met for no discernible reason in a log cabin on an otherwise-vacant lot of land outside Bridgewater. ‘I’ve got something, I’ve got something. Ooh, it’s juicy too. If would like to hear more, it’ll be another thirty dollars’.

Deciding that the carrot dangled was too intriguing to ignore, we successfully conducted a quick whip-around and presented the thirty dollars to the clairvoyant. But once he took our money, he just pretended to be on the phone. We asked him for the information, but he just kept holding up his index finger and waggling it at us.

He wasn’t even on a phone call, we’re pretty sure he was talking into a pop tart.

After about thirty-five minutes of watching Lucas pretend to wrap up his pretend phone conversation, we backed out of the front door and tried to hail a cab.

Oh and it turns out East Terrace had to be crooked because of the terrain or topography or something…we kinda lost interest.

Related Posts

Woman updates LinkedIn profile to include climbing Big Rocking Horse certificate

23 January, 2019

23 January, 2019

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Melanie Yearling of Birdwood doing whatever she can to enhance her LinkedIn profile for...

Nobody really sure if the Red Tins thing is sarcastic or not

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

From twenty-somethings happily sharing the same beer with their fathers to bar owners happily off-loading their surplus of West End...

Kent Town resident drives length of North Terrace without being stopped

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Dwayne Hoff of Kent Town could not believe his luck last Wednesday afternoon. As he hopped in his car to meet friends at “The Deli” in Thebarton, little did he know what was in store for him.

Bloke asking ‘Which Freeway do you mean?’ definitely not from here

5 November, 2019

5 November, 2019

A motorist who stopped at a Glen Osmond Road service station for directions to the closest mechanical likeness of a mythical...

Councillor Anne Moran proposes demolishing all buildings over 1m tall

30 January, 2019

30 January, 2019

Adelaide City Councillor and development containment officer Anne Moran will put to council a bold plan to demolish all permanent...

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Aboriginal office worker put on spot when asked for correct pronunciation of ‘Kaurna’

11 July, 2018

11 July, 2018

NAIDOC WEEK SPECIAL: Megan James, 27, of Prospect was put on the spot this NAIDOC week during an office meeting...

Community members begin filling in for teachers as strike takes effect

1 July, 2019

1 July, 2019

In a plot device lifted directly from the golden years of The Simpsons, unqualified members from the community have begun...

Just FYI, that Whispering Wall is a dirty snitch

15 July, 2020

15 July, 2020

DAM SNITCH: We all have secrets. Some large, some small, some downright incriminating. But when we confide in someone or...

Government shocked when video of weeping man doesn’t encourage tourists to flock to SA

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

A baffling marketing campaign featuring an elderly man weeping as he toured throughout South Australia’s tourism hot spots has been...

Josh Frydenberg thanks Tammy from MyBudget for her assistance this week

3 April, 2019

3 April, 2019

Preparing the 2019-20 Federal Budget, Josh didn’t know where to start. ‘Bills were piling up on the kitchen table and...

Local hip-hop trio find religion, rename themselves ‘Hillsong Hoods’

29 May, 2019

29 May, 2019

In a move that has shocked the hip-hop community, Adelaide’s most influential hip-hop group, Hilltop Hoods, have announced a change...

Another bloody comedian writes “I thought this was supposed to be satire” on Adelaide Mail post

17 September, 2020

17 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT He’s done it again! Everyone loves it when Rob chimes in on a conversation with one of his...

Adelaide man thinks shirt smelling like smoke is the biggest issue as hundreds flee homes

21 November, 2019

21 November, 2019

As residents of Yorke Peninsula have fled their homes overnight, only to hear this morning that their property is lost,...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: