29 July, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Identically-dressed gang members terrorising Schoolies with Jesus talk

A terrifying new youth gang, reportedly referring to themselves as ‘The Green Team’ are already striking fear into the hearts of school leavers, only one day into the 2019 Victor Harbor Schoolies Festival.

Police are warning attendees of this year’s Schoolies Festival to be wary of groups of people wearing matching green outfits, having slightly too much fun for sober people.

We are advising school leavers, if they see any members of this “Green Team” to not make contact with them

‘The gang’s modus operandi seems to be to attempt to gain the trust of school leavers by offering them free drinks and sugary treats’, says Probationary Constable Johnson Romwilly-Weeks, the highest-ranking police officer SAPOL would send Adelaide Mail.

‘At this stage, we’re treating them as we would any other gang. We are advising school leavers, if they see any members of this “Green Team” to not make contact with them. We know that they are keen to lure our kids into their realms with their over-the-top Christian enthusiasm and delicious snacks’.

‘Now, we don’t know if the treats are laced with anything. We have had unconfirmed reports that the bottled water may have been blessed, with some of these “Green Team” members appearing to spill water on Schoolies in some kind of staged accidental baptising’.

‘Let it be known that we take these reports very seriously, and I will be investigating this…as soon as the other boys tell me where they’ve hidden my hat’.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Port Power to continue playing to empty stadiums amid crowd ban

11 March, 2020

11 March, 2020

TOM STEWART Port Power are reportedly excited for “business as usual” this season, as the AFL is speculated to announce...

Hollywood Plaza just happy to make the news for something that isn’t an armed robbery

17 November, 2020

17 November, 2020

As the Parafield COVID cluster tracing focuses on more locations in the northern suburbs, one venue has taken this as...

Now here’s something we don’t mind Victoria stealing from SA

6 November, 2019

6 November, 2019

News has broken on several less reputable news-sites that failed Mayo candidate and novelty cheque aficionado Georgina Downer will be...

Business who still hasn’t added 8 to phone number probably shonky

18 October, 2019

18 October, 2019

A television and VCR repair shop on Goodwood Road in Adelaide’s inner south is staring the wind of change in...

REVEALED: Dumpling King not even really royalty

11 November, 2019

11 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

Burnside resident asks if travel bubble could be constructed exclusively around Eastern Suburbs

12 May, 2020

12 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT As the state begins to lift some of its coronavirus restrictions, attention has turned to travel and when...

Kevin Costner spotted in Ridgehaven filming Waterworld sequel

12 August, 2019

12 August, 2019

With Adelaide seemingly becoming a relatively budget-friendly locale for upcoming Hollywood flops, it has become apparent that Mortal Kombat isn’t...

Turns out Flagstaff Road was just an elaborate prank on motorists from the northern suburbs

30 September, 2020

30 September, 2020

As South Australia gears itself to farewell the last of its reversible roads, the state’s Minister for One-Way Roads, Hovercraft...

SA called ‘Beggar State’ by Senator literally begging for money on GoFundMe

14 November, 2018

14 November, 2018

NSW Senator David Leyonhjelm has described South Australia as a “beggar state” that should be thrown out of the Australian...

Stirling stoner claims local chemist name is misleading

3 February, 2020

3 February, 2020

An Adelaide Hills stay-at-home adult daughter and Oreos connoisseur Chakra Vortwenti is claiming that the name of her local pharmacy...

Now a North Adelaide Resident, Djokovic makes noise complaint at 7pm on Friday

23 January, 2021

23 January, 2021

Whilst world number one tennis player Novak Djokovic has been in quarantine in North Adelaide, he has become accustomed to...

Adelaide Crows external review results revealed: Shit’s fucked

11 October, 2019

11 October, 2019

The Adelaide Football Club have revealed the results of a six week-long, in-depth external review of both its on and...

Rotting Big Orange attracts terrifying Big Fruit Flies

26 February, 2021

26 February, 2021

One of South Australia’s most famous closed tourist attractions has been left to rot for years and is now attracting...

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Murray Bridge to build Big Savoury Slice

14 August, 2019

14 August, 2019

In an effort to boost tourism numbers and become one of those ‘random big thing’ regional towns, the rural City...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: