25 June, 2022

“Melbourne is so much better” says girl who couldn’t afford to live there

Having recently moved back to Adelaide after a brief stint in Australia’s most consistently overcast city, polaroid photography student Edith Vayle now spends her time telling her friends how much better Melbourne is than Adelaide, despite the fact she had to move home as the rent was unaffordable.

At a recent gathering with her old TAFE friends, Edith spent most of her time bringing up Melbourne’s superiority. ‘Coopers Pale Ale? I can’t believe that’s what passes as a decent local beer here’, proclaimed an unprompted Edith ‘back home we have Melbourne Bitter. But you can get it on tap, which tastes way better over there’.

Brighton Beach, the Melbourne one of course, just has a better vibe to it and it’s not so crowded because nobody really wants to go in the water for some reason

Continuing her stories of ‘back home’ despite having moved back to Adelaide after her unaffordable 6 month lease at a Melton West sharehouse was up, Edith recounted ‘You can see why so many young people leave Adelaide for Melbourne, it’s really got everything, the nightlife, the arts, the graffiti, pollution and the way the roads are all laid out is so intricate, not in a boring grid like here’.

As her friends moved on to the next reasonably priced bar which was within walking distance and without a line-up, Edith continued to ramble about what else is better in Melbourne ‘I was lucky enough to be there in summer and the beaches are beautiful, sure Henley is fine if blue water is your thing, but Brighton Beach, the Melbourne one of course, just has a better vibe to it and it’s not so crowded because nobody really wants to go in the water for some reason’.

Edith was seen ending the night on a reasonably paced tram from Victoria Square telling everyone how ‘these things go too fast and have no charm, unlike the ones in Melbourne’ and desperately trying to defend the myki system to the tune of Nick Cave’s ‘Red Right Hand’, even though nobody asked.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Gawler line passenger set for great day after altercation-free commute

17 October, 2018

17 October, 2018

Startling footage has emerged from a security camera on-board an Adelaide-bound Gawler train this morning showing an entirely incident-free trip....

Ceduna resident extremely angry about Adelaide Park Lands development

9 April, 2019

9 April, 2019

Murat Thevenard of Ceduna is your average consumer of South Australia’s satirical newspaper, The Advertiser, he gets it delivered to...

REVEALED: Dumpling King not even really royalty

11 November, 2019

11 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

Dover Gardens man with a cold ends up in taxi to Novar Gardens

14 October, 2019

14 October, 2019

After leaving after-work Friday drinks in the city early because they were feeling a little under the weather, Al Lurgey...

Adelaide Fashion Festival just showcasing whatever is on sale at Harris Scarfe

20 October, 2018

20 October, 2018

The State’s leading fashion event is currently underway in Adelaide, with designers, runway models, socialites, and critics flying in from...

Cosi reveals that he actually secretly fucking hates South Australia

13 October, 2020

13 October, 2020

South Australia’s very own Andrew ‘Cosi ‘South Aussie With Cosi’’ Costello has revealed a little-known fact about himself in a...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Next 8 hours of office chat reserved for ‘that weather last night’

19 August, 2020

19 August, 2020

When the most interesting thing to happen to the typical office employee between the hours of 5pm and 9am is...

Murray Bridge Bunyip first South Australian to apply for voluntary euthanasia

19 June, 2021

19 June, 2021

With the voluntary euthanasia bill passing in South Australia, one South Australian is putting their haggard green claw up to...

BREAKING: Modbury Hospital still a really fugly building

19 July, 2021

19 July, 2021 1

With news of a positive COVID-19 case in the North-East suburbs, we hope that it is fully vaccinated against the...

Rundle Mall spruiker seamlessly weaves passing chat into sales pitch

10 September, 2019

10 September, 2019

Rundle Mall spruiker Frank Ratta has once again shown why he was awarded ‘SA’s Most Tolerated Spruiker’ eleven years running....

Keith Martyn’s 2022 South Australian Almanac painfully blunt yet precise

11 January, 2022

11 January, 2022

The Prince of Pascals, Keith Martyn, has once again accurately summarised South Australian circumstances in his annual (yearly) almanac. Whilst...

14-year-old tries to convince friends that he came up with the nickname ‘STABerfoyle Park’

7 July, 2020

7 July, 2020 1

TRENT BARTLETT While he might be a future writer for Charlie Pickering’s The Weekly, Jack Sauerbier will not be winning...

OTR revise plans for HQ after helipad complaints; Now it’s just a giant Monty Python foot stomping on the eastern suburbs

3 March, 2020

3 March, 2020

Our omnipotent overlords at Peregrine Corporation have signalled that they’re ready to negotiate on plans for a new head office...

Advertiser’s top 100 restaurant list just Barnacle Bill 100 times

16 October, 2019

16 October, 2019

Usually the number one source of fish and chip paper itself, our State’s leading satirical newspaper The Advertiser has surprised...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: