30 November, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

We don’t care about the AFL GF, we have something even better…the Northern Districts U12s finals

TRENT BARTLETT

With the centrepiece of footy in Australia set to head north to Australia’s centre of footy, Brisbane, South Australia will not be left wondering what could have been.

Adelaide Oval will instead take on the showpiece event that is the 2020 Pooraka Dismantlers Northern Districts Under-12 finals. In full!

This year’s finals series is set to feature such heavyweight teams as the Brahma Lodge Blues, the Bolivar Browns and the Valley View Vulcans, the only footy team in the country named after a former gladiator on the hit Channel Seven TV show Gladiators.

This will be just like the Grand Prix. Nobody cares about the Grand Prix any more, that’s why other states keep trying to take our precious Clipsal

No sir, we don’t need validation from those Victorian boffins, sitting in their ivory towers making decisions for the rest of the country. The 2020 Pooraka Dismantlers Northern Districts Under-12 Finals Series is way more exciting.

Those idiots in Queensland will be begging us to host the series next year. Just you wait and see.

This will be just like the Grand Prix. Nobody cares about the Grand Prix any more, that’s why other states keep trying to take our precious Clipsal. Why wouldn’t you want to see four dozen antiquated cars made by companies who turned their back on Australia years ago race around an abbreviated version of a Formula 1 track?

That’s everything we have to say about that, but unfortunately someone in sales promised Pooraka Dismantlers that we would mention their name five times in this article. We still need to mention them two more times and I can’t figure out how to weave it in.

I probably shouldn’t have used a pronoun to refer to them in that previous sentence.

Or that sentence just then for that matter. Shit.

Pooraka Dismantlers. Does that count?

Pooraka Dismantlers. There, I’m getting out of here before that idiot sales guy catches me and asks me to make a video for his pitch to a client that has already blocked his calls.

in News, Sport
Related Posts

Adelaide Council announces ‘Brother Sculpture’ to Malls Balls: The “Grote Scrote”

9 November, 2020

9 November, 2020

DAVID KNIGHT With the successful unveiling of the new pigeon statue in Rundle Mall last week, Adelaide City Council has...

SA Dentists host annual Farmers Union Iced Coffee appreciation night

9 December, 2019

9 December, 2019

South Australia’s dentists gathered for their industry’s night of nights on Saturday night, with their annual Farmers Union Thanksgiving Dinner....

11 Adelaide Things From the 90’s You’ll Only Remember If You’re Between 21 and 140 Years Old!

18 June, 2021

18 June, 2021

MATTHEW DEVITT 1990: Dazzleland doesn’t open yet “Hey kids! As you all know, it’s late 1989! How would you like...

Phone lines jammed as 24 million Australians all ring Victor Harbor to check on Nan

17 March, 2020

17 March, 2020

TOM STEWART In what has become a serious test of the nation’s telecommunications infrastructure, 24 million phone calls were placed...

14-year-old tries to convince friends that he came up with the nickname ‘STABerfoyle Park’

7 July, 2020

7 July, 2020 1

TRENT BARTLETT While he might be a future writer for Charlie Pickering’s The Weekly, Jack Sauerbier will not be winning...

Old mate puts Holden badge on new Camaro

30 July, 2019

30 July, 2019

With the release of American muscle-car the Chevrolet Camaro to Australia, avid Holden fan Beau Ghan was excited to somehow get...

Adelaide Remember When: Sir Douglas Mawson became the first man to climb Magic Mountain

6 September, 2021

6 September, 2021

The year was 1915 when geologist and explorer Sir Douglas Mawson had just returned from his famous Australasian Antarctic Exhibition...

Colour blind uni student argues superiority of green and white cafe

5 October, 2019

5 October, 2019

A colour blind University of Adelaide arts student has found himself in an overly heated argument about the relative virtues...

Mall’s Balls beginning to sag with age

6 August, 2018

6 August, 2018

Since 1977 they have proudly been on display for all to see, but it appears time is catching up the...

SA Space Agency aims to explore Planet Nightclub

9 October, 2019

9 October, 2019

Since the establishement of South Australian Space Industry Centre, one strategic plan of the agency has been more important than...

Residents of Shithöle angered at being compared to Adelaide

25 September, 2019

25 September, 2019

The small village of Shithöle lies somewhere along the Eastern European poverty belt’s poverty belt, near the disputed border of...

170kg Clapham man favourite for Bay Sheffield after being handed 105m handicap

28 December, 2018

28 December, 2018

Cuddly giant Kade Gypsum has steamed ahead as the bookies’ favourite for the iconic Bay Sheffield foot race after being...

Stirling celebrates record low crime, waste, and vaccination rates

12 December, 2018

12 December, 2018

The Adelaide Hills town of Stirling is celebrating at the end of this year, with statistics showing a trifecta of...

TAFE SA qualifications now offered on Foodland dockets with purchase over $40

3 December, 2018

3 December, 2018

The aftermath of controversy, audits, resignations, misconduct and corruption has led to TAFE SA taking drastic measures to ensure qualifications...

Local woman’s life about as organised as Midnight Pharmacy

9 July, 2021

9 July, 2021

Local hot mess and ‘it’ girl (‘it’ meaning ‘shambolic’) Kay Otik’s life has taken yet another dramatic turn in a...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: