26 September, 2022

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

MATTHEW DEVITT

Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated into an evening of unimaginable horrors.

Dominic Johnson, 27, was looking forward to a fun night out with his girlfriend, packed with captivating Fringe shows, exotic cuisine, and $14 beers. But not long after strolling through the front gates, he was quickly swamped by a cavalcade of uncomfortable run-ins and bothersome chit-chat.

‘I’m too bloody polite’, Dominic confessed. ‘Every time I see someone I kinda know, every part of my brain is like, “Just say g’day, wave hello, and for god’s sake, keep walking”, but it never works. I pause for a split second, and then it’s too late’.

I tell ya, if I had a dollar for every awkward run-in I’ve had tonight, I’d almost have enough money to buy one of the beers

Dominic was treated to an evening of captivating discussion, covering topics such as ‘What have you been up to?’, ‘What’s going on?’, ‘What have you been doing with yourself?’, and ‘What have you been up to?’ again, but in a slightly more enthusiastic tone.

After several lengthy run-ins in just the first 45 minutes, Dominic and his girlfriend retreated to a quiet bench near the corner of Botanic Road and East Terrace. There they sat for the next two hours, except for a quick run to the toilets which somehow incorporated three additional stop-and-chats – including one at the urinal.

‘Since I’ve been here, I’ve bumped into two people from high school, three people I used to work with, a guy who was on my footy team once, my old boss’s wife, and even an ex-girlfriend – but like, a proper crazy one. She was really friendly too – it was genuinely unsettling’.

‘I tell ya, if I had a dollar for every awkward run-in I’ve had tonight, I’d almost have enough money to buy one of the beers. I’d only need another seven bucks’.

The silver lining, however, is that Dominic has had a chance to reconnect with a host of casual acquaintances – many of which think they should totally catch up some time.

The Adelaide Mail will keep following the story as it develops – more to come. Although hopefully not.

Related Posts

SEN raids Adelaide Mail’s discarded joke cupboard, steals idea for range of Kane Cornes merchandise

9 November, 2021

9 November, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Winners of Australia’s Narrowest Broadcast Area Award two years running, SEN SA have released their very own range...

Adelaide Metro app update to feature better arrival time accuracy of non-existent buses

12 November, 2018

12 November, 2018

In the largest app update since the ‘randomly crashing’ feature Adelaide Metro has announced the newest app feature for commuters....

Who fixed the SA outback rocket? Well, I’m glad you asked

21 September, 2020

21 September, 2020

After misfiring early last week, South Australia’s first attempt to join the space race with a rocket from Koonibba was...

Frequent Marion shopper develops sophisticated algorithm to avoid charity workers

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Rosaline Baker, 56, of Warradale enjoys nothing more than a good shopping spree at nearby Westfield Marion. It’s local, convenient...

International musician moves back to Adelaide to start boutique counterfeit winery

20 August, 2019

20 August, 2019

Rumours have it that US singer-songwriter and previous Adelaide resident Ben Folds is heading back to South Australia for a...

Christopher Pyne quits politics to spend more time doing what he loves

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In a coup for Adelaide Mail readers, outgoing Federal Defence Minister Christopher Pyne has revealed what his plans are for...

“SA wind farms to blame for Murray-Darling crisis, probably” – Morrison

14 January, 2019

14 January, 2019

Stand-in Prime Minister Scott Morrison has lobbed the political football squarely toward South Australia’s wind farms for the growing Murray-Darling...

Something a little off about this 40 year old bloke still listening to Fresh FM

19 December, 2018

19 December, 2018

Kristy just introduced this Darren guy to the group, and he seems nice and all, but we’re just not too...

Decade old Puratap filter probably fine

22 April, 2020

22 April, 2020

When Darren* and Amelia* (names changed to maintain anonymity) purchased their St. Clair property in 2010, little did they know...

Adelaide Rams fan very disappointed

14 February, 2022

14 February, 2022

After seeing a constant stream of betting company advertisements stating that the Rams would be playing a big game this...

Playford resident quickly finds out why House & Land package was so cheap

8 October, 2018

8 October, 2018

Finally deciding to bite the bullet of home ownership, Mel Ashton, 29, of Smithfield, felt she could not go past...

State government announces replacement for Adelaide 500: The Royal Adelaide 500

21 May, 2021

21 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT With opposition to the cancellation of the Adelaide 500 reaching fever pitch the state government have announced that...

Tim Noonan convinced he is re-living the same day over and over. (He isn’t).

16 February, 2021

16 February, 2021

DAVID KNIGHT ‘Rise and shine campers, and don’t forget your booties cos it’s cold out there…ha ha ha’. The Adelaide...

Tinder date downgraded to Hawker’s Corner after iffy message

24 June, 2019

24 June, 2019

A looming Tinder date has had its venue downgraded to West Terrace food court Hawker’s Corner following a questionable opinion...

Dangerfield tells tribunal Crows showed him “No Respect, No Respect At All”

23 March, 2021

23 March, 2021

As news breaks that Geelong Cats star Patrick Dangerfield will miss three AFL games for a careless hit on Adelaide’s...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: