5 August, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Remaining KI koalas go missing as news of PM’s visit spreads

As news of the Prime Minister’s visit to Kangaroo Island spreads amongst what remains of Kangaroo Island’s koala community, the remaining 25,000 on the island have gone missing overnight. However, animal experts have assured us that there is no cause for further concern, the island’s koalas are merely avoiding being assaulted with an unwanted, cross-species handshake.

Koalas love a good viral video too, they’ve all seen the footage of the Prime Minister shaking that lady’s hand against her will

Although it’s not known where exactly the koalas have gone, experts have pointed out the animals’ natural discomfort for awkward situations and unwanted bodily contact.

‘We humans think that we’re quite different to koalas, but that’s simply not the truth’, says Koala Conservationist Chowzon Youkalipts. ‘Koalas love a good viral video too, they’ve all seen the footage of the Prime Minister shaking that lady’s hand against her will. Some of the treehuggers even got the hashtag #notmyPM trending on Gumtree, they’re all saying they didn’t vote for him. It’s technically true, I suppose, you don’t actually vote for a Prime Minister in Australia. You vote for your local candidate’.

‘I mean, I did try explaining this to a bunch of koalas, but they didn’t seem interested in learning about Australia’s electoral system. Especially when I told them that Morrison’s on his way to the island. They were far more interested in going into hiding. They hate awkward situations like that, koalas’.

We were more impressed that the island’s koalas were able to get a hashtag trending on Gumtree, a website made for buying and selling used goods and for messaging sellers saying that you’re definitely interested in that couch I’m selling and that you’ll definitely be there between 4 and 7 tonight, you have cash. And then seemingly turning your phone off forever. They truly are a superior species.

Editior’s note: In seriousness, the impact of the Kangaroo Island fires on the island’s wildlife and local economy is overwhelming. If you can, the island needs your help.

PIRSA has activated South Australian Veterinary Emergency Management (SAVEM) to coordinate the response to wildlife in need of rescue. You can donate to their efforts here: https://www.savem.org.au/about-savem/donate/

The Kangaroo Island Council is also seeking donations to assist those in need who have been affected by the fires. You can donate to the KI Mayoral Relief and Recovery Bushfire Fund here: https://www.kangarooisland.sa.gov.au/notice-board/latest-news/ki-mayoral-relief-and-recovery-bushfire-fund

Related Posts

Richmond Road mural fined for deceptive and confusing advertising of state

23 February, 2020

23 February, 2020

A Mile End South mural emblazoned with the boastful phrase “South Australia leads the world” has been punished for displaying...

90s Toyota Commercial still killing it at every SA Caravan Park

29 November, 2019

29 November, 2019

The 20th annual Caravan Recreation Area Park comedy awards were held at Lake Bonney last weekend, with one classic comedy...

China finds crafty solution to Baby Formula problem

26 November, 2019

26 November, 2019

With the aftermath of 2008’s Chinese milk scandal still looming over parents’ minds across the country, one Chinese company has...

Crows ruckman’s phone breaks, accidentally likes a bunch of transphobic and anti-BLM tweets

9 July, 2020

9 July, 2020

Adelaide Crows ruckman Reilly O’Brien’s had an absolute mare. Wouldn’t you know it, his bloody iPhone 8 carked it, then...

Chairman Mao’s portrait to be replaced with image of Pasquale Mastrangelo

16 August, 2018

16 August, 2018

The famous gates of Beijing’s Forbidden City are about to receive a real estate agent-inspired makeover, courtesy of Adelaide commercial...

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

SA Water announce new Adelaide theme park ‘Burst Water Main World’

8 August, 2019

8 August, 2019

In an attempt to diversify revenue streams ahead of its probable privatisation, SA Water has revealed plans to open its...

Rob Lucas madly Googles ‘SA state-owned assets’ after GST writedown

17 December, 2019

17 December, 2019

A $474 million reduction in previously promised Commonwealth grants and GST revenue and has seen State Treasurer Rob Lucas resort...

Shopper actually finds reasonably priced product at OTR

2 August, 2019

2 August, 2019

With South Australia’s government mandated restrictive shopping hours in full force, partly enacted to ensure citizens patronise local family-run service...

Murray Bridge Crows fan refuses to listen to Power FM

9 June, 2021

9 June, 2021

Lifelong Murray Bridge resident and Adelaide Football Club supporter, Jerry Atrick, takes his passion for football more seriously than most,...

OTR pay their staff fairly and we’re writing this of our own free will

11 December, 2019

11 December, 2019

In recent days, you may have seen news about how a group of lawyers are considering launching a class action...

Humphrey B Bear says cancel culture has killed opportunities for mute, pantsless bears on TV

22 March, 2021

22 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Australia’s most famous boater hat-wearing anthropomorphic bear has broken his decades-long silence to add to the chorus of...

Election announced: Someone in Mt Barker orders 1,000 novelty cheques

11 April, 2019

11 April, 2019

Following the announcement from acting Prime Minister Scott Morrison that Australians will go to the polls on May 18th, somebody...

Christopher Pyne quits politics to spend more time doing what he loves

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In a coup for Adelaide Mail readers, outgoing Federal Defence Minister Christopher Pyne has revealed what his plans are for...

Remember when K-Mart was still called Keith-Martyn’s? And only sold Keith Martyn Almanacs?

4 May, 2020

4 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT We’re sure that older readers of Adelaide Mail remember this. In fact, if you do you are probably...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: