28 May, 2023

Remaining KI koalas go missing as news of PM’s visit spreads

As news of the Prime Minister’s visit to Kangaroo Island spreads amongst what remains of Kangaroo Island’s koala community, the remaining 25,000 on the island have gone missing overnight. However, animal experts have assured us that there is no cause for further concern, the island’s koalas are merely avoiding being assaulted with an unwanted, cross-species handshake.

Koalas love a good viral video too, they’ve all seen the footage of the Prime Minister shaking that lady’s hand against her will

Although it’s not known where exactly the koalas have gone, experts have pointed out the animals’ natural discomfort for awkward situations and unwanted bodily contact.

‘We humans think that we’re quite different to koalas, but that’s simply not the truth’, says Koala Conservationist Chowzon Youkalipts. ‘Koalas love a good viral video too, they’ve all seen the footage of the Prime Minister shaking that lady’s hand against her will. Some of the treehuggers even got the hashtag #notmyPM trending on Gumtree, they’re all saying they didn’t vote for him. It’s technically true, I suppose, you don’t actually vote for a Prime Minister in Australia. You vote for your local candidate’.

‘I mean, I did try explaining this to a bunch of koalas, but they didn’t seem interested in learning about Australia’s electoral system. Especially when I told them that Morrison’s on his way to the island. They were far more interested in going into hiding. They hate awkward situations like that, koalas’.

We were more impressed that the island’s koalas were able to get a hashtag trending on Gumtree, a website made for buying and selling used goods and for messaging sellers saying that you’re definitely interested in that couch I’m selling and that you’ll definitely be there between 4 and 7 tonight, you have cash. And then seemingly turning your phone off forever. They truly are a superior species.

Editior’s note: In seriousness, the impact of the Kangaroo Island fires on the island’s wildlife and local economy is overwhelming. If you can, the island needs your help.

PIRSA has activated South Australian Veterinary Emergency Management (SAVEM) to coordinate the response to wildlife in need of rescue. You can donate to their efforts here: https://www.savem.org.au/about-savem/donate/

The Kangaroo Island Council is also seeking donations to assist those in need who have been affected by the fires. You can donate to the KI Mayoral Relief and Recovery Bushfire Fund here: https://www.kangarooisland.sa.gov.au/notice-board/latest-news/ki-mayoral-relief-and-recovery-bushfire-fund

Related Posts

Woman queuing for bus on Grenfell St clearly doesn’t know how a line works

21 October, 2022

21 October, 2022

Despite queuing multiple times every work day for a bus, it seems that how an orderly line actually functions is...

New SA tourism campaign just a 5 day live stream of weeping widow

2 September, 2019

2 September, 2019

South Australia’s tourism commission has unveiled a new marketing concept that is equal parts depressing and long, the two key...

Collingwood given all-clear to play as long as they promise not to touch the footy

2 June, 2021

2 June, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT In an eleventh-hour decision, South Australian authorities have given Collingwood players and staff an exemption to travel into...

OTR owners to install giant sun-blocking device over Adelaide

18 December, 2018

18 December, 2018

South Australia’s omnipotent overlords the Peregrine Corporation have proposed an eternal solution to guaranteeing demand for 24/7 convenience stores and...

PAC old scholar furious at suggestion he went to Saints

10 September, 2018

10 September, 2018

An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed St Peter’s...

Dad definitely not afraid of climbing Big Rocking Horse, just thinks you’d have more fun without him

30 June, 2022

30 June, 2022

Dad of two, Don White-Nubalince from Modbury, took his children to their quarterly “non-pay-week activity” last weekend. After narrowly avoiding...

Dads all over Adelaide angry that you fiddled with the air conditioner temperature

19 December, 2019

19 December, 2019

Sure, it’s been hot in Adelaide these past few days. But that doesn’t mean you have to be fiddling around...

Keith Conlon announced as new drummer for I Killed The Prom Queen

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

In a bold new move by Adelaide’s metalcore kings I Killed The Prom Queen, the announcement of veteran radio broadcaster...

Murray Bridge Bunyip first South Australian to apply for voluntary euthanasia

19 June, 2021

19 June, 2021

With the voluntary euthanasia bill passing in South Australia, one South Australian is putting their haggard green claw up to...

Bloke in bucket hat heads straight to Maslins bushes for some reason

8 November, 2019

8 November, 2019

A Gawler man has confounded onlookers upon his arrival at Adelaide’s Maslin Beach, appearing wearing a bucket hat, long pants...

Nuff: We interviewed this garden gnome wearing a POWER shirt and he couldn’t even name their captain

5 February, 2020

5 February, 2020

Somewhere in the backstreets of Glanville sits a cocky garden gnome claiming allegiance to the POWER. Within a manicured low-maintenance...

Christopher Pyne quits politics to spend more time doing what he loves

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In a coup for Adelaide Mail readers, outgoing Federal Defence Minister Christopher Pyne has revealed what his plans are for...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Next round of JobKeeper payments to be means-tested on whether your family can afford this milk

3 September, 2020

3 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT With Commonwealth funds rapidly running out due to the decisions of a welfare-obsessed, handout-crazed Federal Labor government, Treasury...

Man on flight to Perth busted trying to take 55L of FUIC in carry on

27 February, 2019

27 February, 2019

Edwardstown man Pieter Goblettsen loves a Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee, so much so that he is said to have once...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: