26 September, 2022

Premier announces, then promptly cancels, Adelaide’s new “Everything Is Cancelled” Festival

TRENT BARTLETT

In-keeping with the (now surely understood to be ironic) title of Australia’s Best Events State, South Australia has added, and then quickly deleted a new event to the state’s thriving social calendar.

The brand new Everything Is Cancelled festival was announced and then swiftly cancelled by Premier Steven Marshall today on the vacant former site of Le Cornu’s North Adelaide store.

‘We want to reward South Australians for their hard work in fighting this virus,’ the Premier told reporters.

‘So that’s why today I’m excited and also saddened to announce the launch and also the cancellation of the very first and definitely last Everything Is Cancelled Festival. The festival is just further proof of South Australia’s standing as the nation’s best event state.’

Some of the event program’s highlights include:

  • An hour-long lecture on who the hell came up with the name Multifunction Polis for a suburb,
  • An exhibition of all the soon-to-be constructed buildings at 88 O’Connell Street,
  • A walkthrough of Adelaide’s shoo-in 1998 Commonwealth Games bid, and
  • A series of car races replacing each previous race with a less impressive one, beginning with a Formula 1 Grand Prix and ending with one of the foot races where kids wear a cardboard car with straps over their shoulders.

Before he could reveal any more of the proposed program, the Premier revealed that the festival had been cancelled. Forever.

‘The fact of the matter is that since the festival was announced, the costs have ballooned, and the interest has dropped and continues to drop. We would have loved to have held this event but the numbers simply don’t stack up and I’m not sure why you brought it up to be honest.’

The Premier then asked if the gathered throng of reporters had any questions, but before answering Mike Smithson’s question about something annoying and unrelated he had thrown down a smoke bomb and disappeared entirely. Then Con Makris told us to move because construction was about to start on that prime North Adelaide land ‘any moment now.’

Related Posts

REVEALED: Dumpling King not even really royalty

11 November, 2019

11 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

Homeowner a bit suss on this tradie fixing their fence

13 November, 2020

13 November, 2020

When Jessica Footings-Colorbond of Banksia Park was searching for a traidie to fix her fence, she should have known better...

BREAKING: Modbury Hospital still a really fugly building

19 July, 2021

19 July, 2021 1

With news of a positive COVID-19 case in the North-East suburbs, we hope that it is fully vaccinated against the...

Power fan with ‘Est. 1870’ tattoo tells Crows fan to ‘stop living in past’

5 April, 2019

5 April, 2019

Albert Tonne is one of those ‘passionate’ Port Power fans, he attends most Power home games (unless it’s a little cloudy or...

Demand for SA produce leads to spike in exports of Adelaide tap water

21 June, 2019

21 June, 2019

With the growing international reputation of South Australian food and wine, foodies from around the world have begun to develop...

Man who suggested synchronising traffic light sequences swiftly fired

30 September, 2019

30 September, 2019

A staff member from South Australia’s Department of Planning, Transport & Infrastructure has been fired from his role as a...

10 things you never knew about the Myer Centre

26 April, 2020

26 April, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT All of this madness at the moment has made us realise what’s really important to us: mostly-empty, multi-level...

Collingwood given all-clear to play as long as they promise not to touch the footy

2 June, 2021

2 June, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT In an eleventh-hour decision, South Australian authorities have given Collingwood players and staff an exemption to travel into...

All we want to know about the SkyCity Casino upgrade is if they’ve brought back the horse racing game

2 December, 2020

2 December, 2020

The new upgraded section of the SkyCity Adelaide casino has opened and it seems they’re letting all local media in...

Just FYI, that Whispering Wall is a dirty snitch

15 July, 2020

15 July, 2020

DAM SNITCH: We all have secrets. Some large, some small, some downright incriminating. But when we confide in someone or...

OPINION: Politicians never lie about sources of income, pizza bar workers could learn from them

24 November, 2020

24 November, 2020

SEBASTIAN BOLD On Friday last week, a politician was furious, absolutely furious that somebody in the state of South Australia...

Ingle Farm shopping centre considering radical third Coles store

13 September, 2019

13 September, 2019

Following the success of the populist “A Chicken In Every Pot, Two Coles in Every Mall” plan, Ingle Farm Shopping...

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

Stupid Klemzig resident gets on express bus again

1 October, 2019

1 October, 2019

For the fourth time in as many weeks, Branden Burg of Klemzig has once again managed to find himself on...

Woman joins Port Elliot Bakery line now hoping to get lunch for Easter Sunday

31 March, 2021

31 March, 2021

With the traditional Easter Adelaide mass exodus about to begin, the Fleurieu Peninsula will soon be overrun by metropolitan Adelaide’s...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: