27 January, 2023

Premier announces, then promptly cancels, Adelaide’s new “Everything Is Cancelled” Festival

TRENT BARTLETT

In-keeping with the (now surely understood to be ironic) title of Australia’s Best Events State, South Australia has added, and then quickly deleted a new event to the state’s thriving social calendar.

The brand new Everything Is Cancelled festival was announced and then swiftly cancelled by Premier Steven Marshall today on the vacant former site of Le Cornu’s North Adelaide store.

‘We want to reward South Australians for their hard work in fighting this virus,’ the Premier told reporters.

‘So that’s why today I’m excited and also saddened to announce the launch and also the cancellation of the very first and definitely last Everything Is Cancelled Festival. The festival is just further proof of South Australia’s standing as the nation’s best event state.’

Some of the event program’s highlights include:

  • An hour-long lecture on who the hell came up with the name Multifunction Polis for a suburb,
  • An exhibition of all the soon-to-be constructed buildings at 88 O’Connell Street,
  • A walkthrough of Adelaide’s shoo-in 1998 Commonwealth Games bid, and
  • A series of car races replacing each previous race with a less impressive one, beginning with a Formula 1 Grand Prix and ending with one of the foot races where kids wear a cardboard car with straps over their shoulders.

Before he could reveal any more of the proposed program, the Premier revealed that the festival had been cancelled. Forever.

‘The fact of the matter is that since the festival was announced, the costs have ballooned, and the interest has dropped and continues to drop. We would have loved to have held this event but the numbers simply don’t stack up and I’m not sure why you brought it up to be honest.’

The Premier then asked if the gathered throng of reporters had any questions, but before answering Mike Smithson’s question about something annoying and unrelated he had thrown down a smoke bomb and disappeared entirely. Then Con Makris told us to move because construction was about to start on that prime North Adelaide land ‘any moment now.’

Related Posts

Frewville Foodland security guard not really sure why he’s there either

6 July, 2018

6 July, 2018

Seven years since taking up the role, Derek Hughes has yet to chase, apprehend, or even caution a suspect person...

Tea Tree Plus prepares for Christmas rush, expecting up to 27 shoppers each day

21 December, 2021

21 December, 2021

Tea Tree Plus, Modbury’s third best shopping centre, is the the lesser known and frequented sister shop of Tea Tree...

Two hour line to smell putrid flower proves there’s still heaps to do in Adelaide

10 January, 2023

10 January, 2023

Sydney may have the Harbour, Melbourne may (wrongly) have the Formula One, and Perth may have whatever it is they...

Turns out Christies Beach sludge spill just rejected Caleb Bond articles

13 November, 2018

13 November, 2018

A break-in at the Christies Beach sewage treatment plant has seen the nearby beach closed for a stretch of 200...

After stealing our Grand Prix, Melbourne now steals our idea of cancelling a motor race

6 July, 2021

6 July, 2021

After stealing the Formula 1 Grand Prix from Adelaide in 1996, Melbourne has once again stolen a South Australian motorsport...

With fewer flights, proposal made to bring back West Lakes McDonalds Party Plane

30 April, 2021

30 April, 2021

With this whole COVID thing still going nuts in countries that can’t get their shit together, fewer international flights are...

Oakbank Racing Club releases At-Home Horse Euthanasia Kit for those missing the Easter carnival

12 April, 2020

12 April, 2020

Organisers of the annual Oakbank Easter Carnival are looking at novel ways to give punters a way to enjoy all...

Milo Kerrigan inducted into SA Sporting Hall of Fame

22 July, 2020

22 July, 2020

S-S-SOWWFORSTRAYLLEEYYAH: The SA Sporting Hall of Fame recognises sporting heroes that have helped shape South Australian culture and inspired our future...

Mental health advocate lodges complaint over use of ‘Mad March’

5 March, 2019

5 March, 2019

In an unsurprising turn of events, a university academic with too much time on his hands over the summer break...

SA Govt stops tourists entering state from late March under “Operation Business As Usual”

24 March, 2020

24 March, 2020

From 4pm today South Australia will close its borders to all non-essential visitors in response to the spread of COVID-19....

Latest Georgina Downer anti-ALP advertisement seems legit

25 February, 2019

25 February, 2019

Despite the controversial first video starring a “concerned citizen” who just happened to be the previous State Director of the...

Police QR code blitz enabling that one high school mate to go full Pete Evans-mode on Facebook

17 May, 2021

17 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT When South Australian Police stopped Con Spiros just inside the door of Adelaide’s classiest venue, the Skycity Casino,...

“Nah, that doesn’t mean me” says guy with 8 cars behind him near Gumeracha

3 May, 2022

3 May, 2022 1

Moe Trist, like many Adelaide residents, loves a nice relaxing drive through the Adelaide Hills. Often heading up into the...

New “DogKeeper” package grants people $10,000 in Dogs Dollars for rent or Smirnoff Double Blacks

27 July, 2020

27 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT As South Australia grapples with the ongoing economic impact of COVID-19, the Federal Government has moved to stimulate...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: