31 May, 2023

Adelaide Crows eyeing off homesick Victorian with first ever #1 pick at AFL draft

TRENT BARTLETT

The Adelaide Crows are looking to the future, with the club seeking to wrap up their first ever number one draft pick with a favourable result against Fremantle, recruiters are already eyeing off one player for their 2021 squad.

Victorian ruck-rover Vic Prahran plays for the Toorak Bentaygas in the exclusive South-East Melbourne VFL, a noble league in which players bequeath their positions in teams to their eldest sons, regardless of age, fitness, skill or ability.

We’re sure that we could squeeze a decent two years out of the kid before he loses interest and begs for a trade to Hawthorn

Prahran’s 2019 season, in which he recorded several 100+ possession games had already caught the attention of the Crows’ recruiters. However, many close to Prahran note that the young player has never ventured further than 500 metres from his home suburb and lists only one location on his travel bucket list: the Yarra Valley.

‘We’ve heard he gets a little homesick when he has to play over in Camberwell, but who could blame him?’ says Adelaide recruiter Hamish Ogilvie. ‘We’re sure that we could squeeze a decent two years out of the kid before he loses interest and begs for a trade to Hawthorn.’

It should be noted that despite Prahran’s stats, the antiquated league often leads to players with even a modicum of skill excelling, with the league’s best posting numbers several times better than their closest opponents.

In the typical style of the noble classes, the breeding pool for the league has been kept closed for centuries, delivering hundreds of players with genetic defects owing to the noble pursuit of inbreeding. But inbred uncoordination is not the only thing holding the overall quality of the leage back. With some players either choosing not to or unable to have children, the average age of the league is now 57-years-old.

The 84-year-old barren baron Baron Missingthwaite is the league’s eldest player and was given the unfortunate match-up on future two season Adelaide player Prahran.

‘He was good,’ was all Missingthwaite could muster up, still catching his breath from his zero possession game three weeks ago.

Exciting times ahead for the Adelaide rebuild.

Tags: in News, Sport
Related Posts

Resident of Not In Service always has entire bus to himself

4 June, 2020

4 June, 2020

A resident of one of Adelaide’s lesser known inner-outer suburbs, Not In Service, has continued to regularly catch public transport...

Next 8 hours of office chat reserved for ‘that weather last night’

19 August, 2020

19 August, 2020

When the most interesting thing to happen to the typical office employee between the hours of 5pm and 9am is...

Netflix to release Last Dance sequel about another team’s 97-98 former glory

17 May, 2020

17 May, 2020

As ‘The Last Dance’ documentary series about the 1997-1998 Chicago Bulls wraps up, Netflix has announced another series will be...

Glam Adelaide intern fired for only reposting Southport Beach stairs six times in a week

31 August, 2020

31 August, 2020

A social media intern at South Australia’s home of lifestyle news and filtered drone photos, Glam Adelaide, has been let...

Port performs angry costume change to make their closing argument through the power of song

9 May, 2021

9 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT The Port Power Football Club have turned up the heat in their enduring fight to wear their favourite...

To rival Power’s 3 Game Membership, Crows offer 3 Quarter Membership

3 August, 2021

3 August, 2021

With Port Adelaide Power Football Club (est. 1997) claiming they now have the most members of any AFL club, yet...

Boomer at work despite flu to ensure he can insult vegan fest attendee

28 October, 2019

28 October, 2019

While Adelaide’s vegans may be recovering from a weekend spent at Rundle Park’s Vegan Festival, one local boomer has dashed...

Dog & Duck social media guy fucking nails it, yet again

3 January, 2020

3 January, 2020

While most businesses are finding it harder and harder to have their voice heard on social media, Adelaide nightclub Dog...

Disgraced Prince Sent on Retreat to Andrews Farm

19 November, 2019

19 November, 2019

In a move as ill-conceived as allowing Prince Andrew to give the BBC an interview about his relationship with disgraced...

Former Unley High student goes whole day without mentioning that Julia Gillard went to Unley

15 November, 2018

15 November, 2018

Friends and family of former Unley High School student Matthew Drorting are relieved today following 24 hours of Drorting’s self-imposed...

Woman scurries from David Jones building to avoid that hand cream guy

25 November, 2019

25 November, 2019

A Torrensville woman has aborted her first attempt at Christmas shopping for the year after being chased out of the...

Breaking: PAC old scholar forgets to write ‘PAC’ in Tinder bio

5 February, 2019

5 February, 2019

In a devastating oversight that is already proving costly to his romantic chances ahead of Valentine’s Day, Sebastian Anglosaxon has...

Murray Bridge Crows fan refuses to listen to Power FM

9 June, 2021

9 June, 2021

Lifelong Murray Bridge resident and Adelaide Football Club supporter, Jerry Atrick, takes his passion for football more seriously than most,...

Theology states St Clair is the Patron Saint of Motor Vehicle Theft

3 August, 2020

3 August, 2020

After minutes of research, religious scholars have uncovered that St Clair is the Patron Saint of Motor Vehicle Theft and...

Kid dressed as Britannia Roundabout wins Adelaide’s scariest costume contest

31 October, 2020

31 October, 2020

DAN SCHMIDT Britani-AHH!!: Adelaide held its annual scariest Halloween costume contest this morning, with thousands of children from all around...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: