23 July, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Homeowner a bit suss on this tradie fixing their fence

DAN SCHMIDT

When Jessica Footings-Colorbond of Banksia Park was searching for a traidie to fix her fence, she should have known better than to go with the tradie who provided the cheapest quote.

‘His business was called “Mr. C. Kane’s Fence Fixing”. I assumed it was a Citizen Kane reference, which I only know about from Simpsons DVD commentary. So I thought this guy should be alright, even though his quote was only $27 and a few toffee apples’ Jessica recounted.

‘He rocks up, looks at the job and goes “Hmmmm, I’ll need to get some supplies”, I assumed he was going to Bunnings, turns out he went to Officeworks’.

‘I kept subtly checking on him while he was working. He spent most of the time reading a newspaper, and for smoko he went around my backyard and cracked an egg on my kids’ slide. Not sure what that was all about, it’s an overcast day and now I’ve just got raw egg all over their playset’.

‘Then he says he’s all done and the fence looks exactly the same except he’s just put some sticky tape all over it. In the end I just paid him so he would leave’.

‘Then he just asks if he could come inside to wash up. I directed him to the bathroom, but instead he walks to the kitchen, grabs the juice out of my fridge and covers his hands and face in it’ Jessica continued.

‘Super weird fellow and a terrible fence fixer. Still, I’d rather hire him again than support that Jim’s Fencing guy’.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Stobie pole “probably a Banksy” says Croydon mum

8 November, 2018

8 November, 2018

Fiona Foarzenshore fancies her home suburb of Croydon as something of a cultural hub in Adelaide’s inner west, and has...

Community members begin filling in for teachers as strike takes effect

1 July, 2019

1 July, 2019

In a plot device lifted directly from the golden years of The Simpsons, unqualified members from the community have begun...

Satirical news site runs out of TV commercials to rank, now completely out of ideas

29 May, 2020

29 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT South Australia’s second favourite source of fake news has been revealed for the sham that it is, with...

Local numpty goes to new Royal Adelaide Hospital just to have a look around

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

Despite having no current health issues, John Duffle of Windsor Gardens has made his fourth trip to the new Royal...

Casual Crows fan unsure if he’s supposed to love or hate Tex this week

3 June, 2019

3 June, 2019

With his form flip-flopping since the 2017 AFL Grand Final, Adelaide co-captain Taylor Walker has been the cause of much...

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Local man puts on a few KGs while working from home

3 July, 2020

3 July, 2020

Part time pool cleaner and Valley View resident Al Lapanna has been working from home since COVID-19 hit (not for...

ShitAdelaide blocked us now we have to go outside to laugh at the poor

28 June, 2019

28 June, 2019

Having come to rely on a local Instagram account as our conduit to the outside world, our schedule had come...

Entire city somehow surprised by annual road closures again

26 February, 2019

26 February, 2019

Despite a predictable schedule of annual road closures preceded by road signs forewarning motorists weeks in advance, the entire population...

‘The Advertiser site really needs more autoplaying videos’, says idiot

7 February, 2019

7 February, 2019

Not content with the dozens of relentless display ads and ‘native’ articles masquerading as journalism, The Advertiser has employed idiot...

If they have to tear the Big Scotsman down, at least let us finally see his dick

14 April, 2021

14 April, 2021

For generations passing motorists and those unfortunate enough to stay at Scotty’s Motel have tried to catch a glimpse at...

You can still take the kids to Puzzle Park this school holidays, it’s now somehow safer

8 July, 2020

8 July, 2020

What was once South Australia’s answer to Disneyland, the theme-park and scrap-metal haven of Puzzle Park now sadly remains abandoned...

Bazza the Bunyip statue becomes target of protesters for his “complicity in colonising Murray”

25 June, 2020

25 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Murray Bridge’s monument to the mythical Murray River creature Bazza the Bunyip has become the latest statue to...

Modbury resident angered by suggestion she lives in Adelaide’s northern suburbs

14 June, 2018

14 June, 2018

Modbury resident Taryn Cooke has lashed out at fellow co-workers for mistakenly suggesting that she hails from the northern suburbs...

Frewville Foodland security guard not really sure why he’s there either

6 July, 2018

6 July, 2018

Seven years since taking up the role, Derek Hughes has yet to chase, apprehend, or even caution a suspect person...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: