14 May, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Researchers find anyone who went to Mansions pre-2012 is immune to COVID-19 and most other things too

Fastracked South Australian TAFE short course health research graduates have made an initial discovery in what could be the first step in developing a vaccine for Coronavirus.

It has been hypothesised, and confirmed with a population sample size of nearly fourteen people, that anyone who attended Mansions pre-Bunker and pre-renovations stage may be immune to COVID-19, as well as a host of other viruses and diseases.

Head part-time volunteer researcher Maddie Sinn told Adelaide Mail ‘We must stress that although these are just preliminary findings, we are excited about the prospect this could hold. We made the initial discovery after a group of us realised we had all been to Mansions in 2009 and none of us had contracted the virus’.

It seems that a whole cohort of South Australians who lived through the time when Jay Jays apparel was going-out wear, may be immune to the virus if they had ever been on a poorly organised pub crawl or hen’s night.

Research promptly began between the teams’ Uber shifts, with several more ex Mansions attendees confirming they have not yet contracted the virus. 

Sinn stated ‘It appears that brief exposure to the conditions of the dank underground nightclub have provided attendees with such strong immunity that they are now physically unable to contract anything. We’re not sure exactly what it was at the venue, but hypothesise that it could have been the abundant amount of bodily fluids in the toilets, the giant neon cocktails served in unwashed fish bowls, or contact with the bearded photographer who was always trying to get girls to kiss his cheek for selfies. We still remain baffled’.

What’s even more baffling is people used to actually line up to get into that place.

Related Posts

Too old for Hindley Street but too young for Leigh Street, 28 year old just stays at home

20 August, 2018

20 August, 2018

The glory days of The Woolshed, Red Square, yiros shops and grievous bodily assaults are over for Sam Lee, 28...

If quarantined, please listen to the other hundred Adelaide Crows podcasts instead of making your own

20 March, 2020

20 March, 2020

As working in isolation and two-week quarantines become commonplace for many South Australians, a high proportion of 20 and 30...

Former Unley High student goes whole day without mentioning that Julia Gillard went to Unley

15 November, 2018

15 November, 2018

Friends and family of former Unley High School student Matthew Drorting are relieved today following 24 hours of Drorting’s self-imposed...

Victor Harbor shops sell out of loaves of bread and sunscreen for some reason

24 November, 2018

24 November, 2018

In a bizarre, localised spike in demand not seen in over eleven months, Victor Harbor shops are quickly selling out...

We take a look back at ‘Crow Milk’ and the diabetes epidemic it caused

2 December, 2019

2 December, 2019

In the wake of current local flavoured milk wars, let’s take a moment to remember a simpler time in South...

North Adelaide Roosters announce 78 co-captains

4 February, 2019

4 February, 2019

Following suit of the State’s AFL clubs and following their key to success, excess, North Adelaide Football Club have decided to...

Power fans start pretending they always follow SANFL

20 September, 2019

20 September, 2019

With the Port Adelaide Magpies facing off against Glenelg in the SANFL Grand Final this weekend, Port Power fans will...

Johnny Haysman eats 2kg bag of sugar in attempt to gain YouTube subscribers

6 March, 2019

6 March, 2019

In an attempt to appeal to a younger market and beat the YouTube algorithm, local eccentric Adelaide legend John Haysman...

To avoid confusion Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton / Penfold / St Bernards Road to get even more names

14 January, 2020

14 January, 2020

MATT FREEMAN Adelaide’s single stretch of road with more names than any other, Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton...

Stirling celebrates record low crime, waste, and vaccination rates

12 December, 2018

12 December, 2018

The Adelaide Hills town of Stirling is celebrating at the end of this year, with statistics showing a trifecta of...

Single bloke on Kangaroo Island killing it on Tinder this week

1 November, 2018

1 November, 2018

What a week it has been for Steve Bachelor, 34, of Kangaroo Island. ‘It gets pretty hard dating in regional...

Man who suggested synchronising traffic light sequences swiftly fired

30 September, 2019

30 September, 2019

A staff member from South Australia’s Department of Planning, Transport & Infrastructure has been fired from his role as a...

Mum comments “shared 5162” like her 27 Facebook friends cover all of Morphett Vale

2 October, 2020

2 October, 2020

A Morphett Vale Facebook mum has been hailed as a hero after letting people know she has shared a Facebook...

ShitAdelaide changes name to MAFSadelaide

8 April, 2019

8 April, 2019

Originally a source of general ridicule at the expense of Adelaide’s drunk and poor, the mysterious owners behind Instagram account...

2001 Golden Grove High graduate still using the word ‘Gug’

2 January, 2019

2 January, 2019

Over 17 years since barely graduating from Golden Grove, Richard Mahogany of Greenwith continues to utilise obscure and almost obsolete...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: