24 October, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Researchers find anyone who went to Mansions pre-2012 is immune to COVID-19 and most other things too

Fastracked South Australian TAFE short course health research graduates have made an initial discovery in what could be the first step in developing a vaccine for Coronavirus.

It has been hypothesised, and confirmed with a population sample size of nearly fourteen people, that anyone who attended Mansions pre-Bunker and pre-renovations stage may be immune to COVID-19, as well as a host of other viruses and diseases.

Head part-time volunteer researcher Maddie Sinn told Adelaide Mail ‘We must stress that although these are just preliminary findings, we are excited about the prospect this could hold. We made the initial discovery after a group of us realised we had all been to Mansions in 2009 and none of us had contracted the virus’.

It seems that a whole cohort of South Australians who lived through the time when Jay Jays apparel was going-out wear, may be immune to the virus if they had ever been on a poorly organised pub crawl or hen’s night.

Research promptly began between the teams’ Uber shifts, with several more ex Mansions attendees confirming they have not yet contracted the virus. 

Sinn stated ‘It appears that brief exposure to the conditions of the dank underground nightclub have provided attendees with such strong immunity that they are now physically unable to contract anything. We’re not sure exactly what it was at the venue, but hypothesise that it could have been the abundant amount of bodily fluids in the toilets, the giant neon cocktails served in unwashed fish bowls, or contact with the bearded photographer who was always trying to get girls to kiss his cheek for selfies. We still remain baffled’.

What’s even more baffling is people used to actually line up to get into that place.

Related Posts

Facebook update enables prefilled “Can u deliver to Gawler?” question on Marketplace

18 August, 2022

18 August, 2022

The latest Facebook app update has been welcomed by Gawler residents, as the new prefilled Marketplace question will save them...

Cunningham’s Warehouse guy comes out of retirement to spruik OTR petrol

21 October, 2021

21 October, 2021

With premium petrol prices rising to $2 a litre this week, Geoff Winter, the 1990’s South Australian variety store commercial...

Rundle Mall spruiker seamlessly weaves passing chat into sales pitch

10 September, 2019

10 September, 2019

Rundle Mall spruiker Frank Ratta has once again shown why he was awarded ‘SA’s Most Tolerated Spruiker’ eleven years running....

Local hip-hop trio find religion, rename themselves ‘Hillsong Hoods’

29 May, 2019

29 May, 2019

In a move that has shocked the hip-hop community, Adelaide’s most influential hip-hop group, Hilltop Hoods, have announced a change...

Two hour line to smell putrid flower proves there’s still heaps to do in Adelaide

10 January, 2023

10 January, 2023

Sydney may have the Harbour, Melbourne may (wrongly) have the Formula One, and Perth may have whatever it is they...

Local woman decides to ruin day by reading comments on Advertiser article

30 May, 2022

30 May, 2022

‘Maybe someone has something insightful to ad’ mistakenly thought Tay Bloyd once again. Despite having a perfectly fine morning, Tay...

Modern Day Mawson: Man goes to Golden Grove Netball Courts without jacket

22 June, 2022

22 June, 2022

SADNARCTICA: Although Saturday’s weather was sunny and calm, one local man severely underestimated the harshness Golden Grove Netball Courts’ own...

New SA retail forecast in: All Rundle Mall shops to shut by 2021

21 February, 2020

21 February, 2020

The latest numbers are in for South Australia’s economy, and it’s not good news for the state’s struggling retail sector....

Misguided Get This tribute lands nerds in middle of Veale Gardens beat

4 July, 2019

4 July, 2019

An ill-advised tribute tour of every landmark referenced in cult Triple M radio show Get This has ended in the...

Office worker finds any excuse to tell you that she did City To Bay

16 September, 2019

16 September, 2019

You don’t typically see Sarah from marketing at the office before 9am at best. And to see her away from...

Who fixed the SA outback rocket? Well, I’m glad you asked

21 September, 2020

21 September, 2020

After misfiring early last week, South Australia’s first attempt to join the space race with a rocket from Koonibba was...

Chronically late coworker still using Clipsal as excuse for being late

25 March, 2019

25 March, 2019

In what is becoming a true stretch of coworkers’ patience, Donald Thermium has continued to cite ‘Clipsal’ as an excuse...

Now here’s something we don’t mind Victoria stealing from SA

6 November, 2019

6 November, 2019

News has broken on several less reputable news-sites that failed Mayo candidate and novelty cheque aficionado Georgina Downer will be...

“Emo Park” rebrands as “Ska Park” in attempt to brighten reputation

3 October, 2019

3 October, 2019

The north-western pocket of Hindmarsh square has always been a strange place. Along with being home to what was awarded...

Shoppers still avoiding Tea Tree Plaza (Not because of COVID, it’s just bad.)

29 July, 2021

29 July, 2021

As restrictions on shopping centres lift, many residents of the mighty North East are still choosing not to head to...

Comments
Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading