Adelaide has been hit with a sharp rise in youth crime along one specific stretch of CBD streets. The vandalism, which has been described by many as “senseless graffiti of questionable artistic quality” has been reportedly spotted on stretches of road in the Adelaide city square mile.
The vandalism appears to be drawn using a childlike medium in various bright, and frankly, garish colour combinations. Alarmingly, several onlookers have reported seeing parents supplying offenders with the chalk used to vandalise city streets.
Whilst Adelaide Mail has so far been unable to decipher to meaning behind the graffiti, we are not ruling out connections to possible gang activity. Mainly because we’re an Australian news organisation and if we were to publish a news story about youth crime without a dog whistle allusion to immigration, we would be uninvited to the Thursday Night Adelaide News Media Bowling League and we’re currently sitting top of the table, so…we hope you can understand the predicament.
Thankfully, the surge in vandalism around the CBD has coincided with an equally large surge in police numbers around the crime hotspots. Unfortunately, the police on duty seem to be more concerned with performing marching band covers of Christmas carols for some reason.
While the Adelaide Mail prefers to avoid editorialising in its articles, we are urging authorities to rain down on these troubled youths with the strongest iron fist of the law by threatening to call Father Christmas at the North Pole and tell him “the kids are being naughty”.
Pageant day is here which means if you’re a self-respecting South Australian, it’s time to put up the Christmas Tree. And now that we’ve established that you’re a self-respecting South Australian, if your Christmas Tree is missing the Adelaide Mail SA Christmas Ornaments then you’re obviously a fraud. Pre-order yours today.
