7 September, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Adelaide Mail calls for Adelaide Oval to have ONLY Scoreboards and Hills

DAN SCHMIDT

With former Liberal MP Christopher Pyne clearly rapidly running out of ideas for things to write about in satirical newspaper The Advertiser, he has now voiced his unwanted opinion on a proposal that is almost equally as unwanted.

The former Defence Minister and current tram enthusiast has called for the historic Adelaide Oval scoreboard to be demolished and famous Hill to be flattened in order to make way for another grandstand. A move in which will leave Adelaide Oval almost indistinguishable from any other large Australian sports stadium.

Upon release of the opinion piece, Pyne neglected to talk to ABC Radio and also the Adelaide Mail (most likely because we didn’t make any attempt whatsoever to contact him).

Adelaide Mail, now using our own platform to also voice our unwanted opinion, counter propose that Adelaide Oval be redeveloped to only include Scoreboards and Hills. Tear the grandstands down, line the perimeter with replica scoreboards, and surround the oval with a long continuous grassy knoll. How sick would that be? The only downside we can see is that Crows fans would have trouble standing for some time because of their gammy hips and they’d now have nothing to do with their knitted seat cushions.

Sure, it will vastly limit the crowd capacity, but is that really an issue these days anyway? Like, Port Power Football Club could only manage to sell 20,000 tickets to a home final on the weekend. Pathetic.

Related Posts

Power fan with ‘Est. 1870’ tattoo tells Crows fan to ‘stop living in past’

5 April, 2019

5 April, 2019

Albert Tonne is one of those ‘passionate’ Port Power fans, he attends most Power home games (unless it’s a little cloudy or...

Botanic Garden’s corpse that smells like flowers not as popular as flower that smells like a corpse for some reason

15 January, 2026

15 January, 2026

TRENT BARTLETT The Adelaide Botanic Garden is set to welcome thousands of visitors* in anticipation of catching a look and...

Councillor Anne Moran proposes demolishing all buildings over 1m tall

30 January, 2019

30 January, 2019

Adelaide City Councillor and development containment officer Anne Moran will put to council a bold plan to demolish all permanent...

Two die, one completes entire med degree queuing at Pt Elliot bakery

30 April, 2019

30 April, 2019

For the third time in as many years, wait times at a popular bakery in south coast retirement village Port...

Murray Bridge Crows fan refuses to listen to Power FM

9 June, 2021

9 June, 2021

Lifelong Murray Bridge resident and Adelaide Football Club supporter, Jerry Atrick, takes his passion for football more seriously than most,...

“As Premier I am prevented from directing the Board”, says Premier days after directing Festival board

15 January, 2026

15 January, 2026

TRENT BARTLETT Premier Peter Malinauskas has set off on a media blitz to educate South Australians on laws prohibiting the...

PAC old scholar FURIOUS at mere suggestion he went to Saints for some reason

27 May, 2026

27 May, 2026

TRENT BARTLETT An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed...

Woman joins Port Elliot Bakery line now hoping to get lunch for Easter Sunday

31 March, 2021

31 March, 2021

With the traditional Easter Adelaide mass exodus about to begin, the Fleurieu Peninsula will soon be overrun by metropolitan Adelaide’s...

South Australia’s Top 10 WAGS

11 January, 2021

11 January, 2021

As a news outlet run by two men, we at the Adelaide Mail find nothing more enjoyable and appropriate than...

Old Commodore parked by Kuitpo signals start of ‘shroom season

18 June, 2019

18 June, 2019

A TRIP TO THE FOREST: Psychedelic Mushroom hunting season was declared open last week with the initiatory shitbox sighting on Brookman...

Italian cafe on Norwood Parade still proudly displaying award from 2003 on wall

7 August, 2025

7 August, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT An Italian cafe on The Parade has been pictured still displaying an award it won over 20 years...

Shit Adelaide shuts down having successfully bullied every last person having a mental health episode on a bus

26 May, 2025

26 May, 2025

In terrible news for the most boring guy in your group chat, local edgelords and serial blockers of us, Shit...

If bees are going extinct, why are we still seeing this idiot everywhere?

8 October, 2025

8 October, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT South Australians have called for more ambitious targets to increase climate-changing fossil fuel emissions to better combat the...

Masks mandates for Adelaide public transport to return because you’re all ugly and stink

30 September, 2022

30 September, 2022

One week after the requirement for masks to be worn on public transport was lifted, it has been decided that...

Comments

Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading