24 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Two die, one completes entire med degree queuing at Pt Elliot bakery

For the third time in as many years, wait times at a popular bakery in south coast retirement village Port Elliot have been held responsible for multiple deaths along with an unusual academic achievement.

Entire villages have begun to form along the Port Elliot main drag, with some communities now into their second generation of waiting for a pepper-steak pie and chocolate donut.

“Son, you must secure the last steak and mushroom pie. Do not let my life be lived in vain”

Sadly, it has also now been confirmed that two men have died while lining up, Gilbert Goodings told Adelaide Mail that his father’s last words revealed a man who had become entirely focussed on one goal.

‘He looked at me as he was taking his last breath’, says Goodings. ‘He said “son, you must secure the last steak and mushroom pie. Do not let my life be lived in vain”’.

‘I mean I’ve known no different, I’ve been here since I was three years old, I’m not leaving this line anytime soon. I am waiting here until…wait, no. No I haven’t left the line, I was just talking to this reporter…I don’t know where he’s from, The Adelaide something or other, I think they think they’re Betoota…well, no, it doesn’t seem funny at all, actually. Just seems like they had an idea and then didn’t really know what to do with it…, they didn’t even mention the guy who completed his medicine degree in the line, talk about burying the lede’.

Goodings returned to the back of the line, which is now somewhere along the Coorong.

Credit for the headline idea goes to Ryley Smithson, follow him on Twitter @RyleySmithson

Related Posts

REVEALED: Chicken Chef actually only qualified as a Kitchenhand

4 November, 2019

4 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Sight of OTR toilet instantly cures man’s violent diarrhoea

7 December, 2018

7 December, 2018

After a week in Bali and a big ‘welcome home’ night with the boys, city construction labourer, Trey Dee, was...

International musician moves back to Adelaide to start boutique counterfeit winery

20 August, 2019

20 August, 2019

Rumours have it that US singer-songwriter and previous Adelaide resident Ben Folds is heading back to South Australia for a...

New Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee merchandise instantly sells out of 5XL sizing

27 June, 2019

27 June, 2019

With Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee desperately trying to target the insta-millennial market with their new line of merchandise, the new...

Community members begin filling in for teachers as strike takes effect

1 July, 2019

1 July, 2019

In a plot device lifted directly from the golden years of The Simpsons, unqualified members from the community have begun...

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

Adelaide Crows external review results revealed: Shit’s fucked

11 October, 2019

11 October, 2019

The Adelaide Football Club have revealed the results of a six week-long, in-depth external review of both its on and...

Adelaide Mail’s Greatest SA Jingle Ever!

25 April, 2020

25 April, 2020 1

We need to settle this once-and-for-all: what is South Australia’s greatest ever jingle? We’re torn in all directions, between car...

Adelaide 36ers to change name to “Adelaide BCers” to honour traditional landowners

8 September, 2020

8 September, 2020

MATT FREEMAN With the Washington Redskins finally realizing the bloody obvious, that their nickname is actually racially offensive, the Adelaide...

Turns out Christies Beach sludge spill just rejected Caleb Bond articles

13 November, 2018

13 November, 2018

A break-in at the Christies Beach sewage treatment plant has seen the nearby beach closed for a stretch of 200...

Government announce second road race for December – Santa’s Tour Down Under

28 January, 2020

28 January, 2020

MATT FREEMAN Riding a wave of excitement from the Tour Down Under, the state government are set to add a...

SA Govt stops tourists entering state from late March under “Operation Business As Usual”

24 March, 2020

24 March, 2020

From 4pm today South Australia will close its borders to all non-essential visitors in response to the spread of COVID-19....

Greenhills Adventure Park equipment repurposed for new ‘Greenhill Road Adventure Park’

1 February, 2019

1 February, 2019

After closing over two years ago, Victor Harbor’s biggest attraction and insurance liability Greenhills Adventure Park will have a new...

ShitAdelaide blocked us now we have to go outside to laugh at the poor

28 June, 2019

28 June, 2019

Having come to rely on a local Instagram account as our conduit to the outside world, our schedule had come...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: