23 October, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Two die, one completes entire med degree queuing at Pt Elliot bakery

For the third time in as many years, wait times at a popular bakery in south coast retirement village Port Elliot have been held responsible for multiple deaths along with an unusual academic achievement.

Entire villages have begun to form along the Port Elliot main drag, with some communities now into their second generation of waiting for a pepper-steak pie and chocolate donut.

“Son, you must secure the last steak and mushroom pie. Do not let my life be lived in vain”

Sadly, it has also now been confirmed that two men have died while lining up, Gilbert Goodings told Adelaide Mail that his father’s last words revealed a man who had become entirely focussed on one goal.

‘He looked at me as he was taking his last breath’, says Goodings. ‘He said “son, you must secure the last steak and mushroom pie. Do not let my life be lived in vain”’.

‘I mean I’ve known no different, I’ve been here since I was three years old, I’m not leaving this line anytime soon. I am waiting here until…wait, no. No I haven’t left the line, I was just talking to this reporter…I don’t know where he’s from, The Adelaide something or other, I think they think they’re Betoota…well, no, it doesn’t seem funny at all, actually. Just seems like they had an idea and then didn’t really know what to do with it…, they didn’t even mention the guy who completed his medicine degree in the line, talk about burying the lede’.

Goodings returned to the back of the line, which is now somewhere along the Coorong.

Credit for the headline idea goes to Ryley Smithson, follow him on Twitter @RyleySmithson

Related Posts

Lucy Cornes confronts Martin Scorsese for stealing that Goodfellas tracking shot from her

10 February, 2020

10 February, 2020

Founder of digital marketing agency She Digital and self-described ‘Spiritual Being’ Lucy Cornes has taken to social media to accuse...

Misguided Get This tribute lands nerds in middle of Veale Gardens beat

4 July, 2019

4 July, 2019

An ill-advised tribute tour of every landmark referenced in cult Triple M radio show Get This has ended in the...

Premier announces inquiry into whether AI is any good at chopping down trees

12 August, 2026

12 August, 2026

TRENT BARTLETT Premier Peter Malinauskas has announced a three-million dollar royal commission into AI and how it could be used...

Dover Gardens man with a cold ends up in taxi to Novar Gardens

14 October, 2019

14 October, 2019

After leaving after-work Friday drinks in the city early because they were feeling a little under the weather, Al Lurgey...

Showy Reynella family splash out on leather recliner for front porch

11 February, 2019

11 February, 2019

For as long as the Tonstelhans have lived on Highercombe Street in Reynella they have been trying to out-do their...

Adelaide Oval to cover $4m operating loss by raising beer prices to $26K for schooner of mid-strength

30 April, 2026

30 April, 2026

TRENT BARTLETT In a sensible economic move bound to curry the favour of all Adelaide Oval patrons, the stadium’s management...

Dad definitely not afraid of climbing Big Rocking Horse, just thinks you’d have more fun without him

30 June, 2022

30 June, 2022

Dad of two, Don White-Nubalince from Modbury, took his children to their quarterly “non-pay-week activity” last weekend. After narrowly avoiding...

Victorians stowed away on train raise suspicion when they try to get off at Chidda

15 July, 2020

15 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Four Victorians have raised the suspicions of fellow passengers when they attempted to alight at the mythical Chidda...

Glenelg tram line announces temporary opening

8 July, 2026

8 July, 2026

In a bizarre break from tradition, the Glenelg tram line has confirmed it may someday resume normal services, for a...

Addicts reduced to drinking Dare as iced coffee shortage hits

16 April, 2019

16 April, 2019

With the state in the midst of a regional Farmers Union Iced Coffee shortage, scores of heavily-addicted South Australians have...

Facebook mum who comments “Wear are there parents?” on every other Advertiser post also a shitty parent

5 September, 2022

5 September, 2022

Constantly outraged Fay Sprooke of Evanston has once again spent a great deal of her day getting all high and...

Old Le Cornu site to become new Swedish Furniture store ‘De Körneu’

22 May, 2019

22 May, 2019

The Adelaide City Council has made the announcement of what will finally be done with the ever controversial old Le...

“SA needs more live music” says Harvest Rock punter before ignoring live music for another 6 months

30 October, 2023

30 October, 2023

TRENT BARTLETT Music promoters have been left wondering whether there might still be life in Adelaide’s schedule of touring international...

False Advertising: New South Road plans shows vehicles actually moving

14 December, 2021

14 December, 2021

With the longstanding South Australian tradition of South Road upgrades looking to continue for at least another three generations, the...

Speed camera on South Road has gotta be kidding itself

28 October, 2022

28 October, 2022

Commuters along South Road have been left baffled this morning as a speed camera has been spotted near Castle Plaza,...

Comments
Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading