24 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Two die, one completes entire med degree queuing at Pt Elliot bakery

For the third time in as many years, wait times at a popular bakery in south coast retirement village Port Elliot have been held responsible for multiple deaths along with an unusual academic achievement.

Entire villages have begun to form along the Port Elliot main drag, with some communities now into their second generation of waiting for a pepper-steak pie and chocolate donut.

“Son, you must secure the last steak and mushroom pie. Do not let my life be lived in vain”

Sadly, it has also now been confirmed that two men have died while lining up, Gilbert Goodings told Adelaide Mail that his father’s last words revealed a man who had become entirely focussed on one goal.

‘He looked at me as he was taking his last breath’, says Goodings. ‘He said “son, you must secure the last steak and mushroom pie. Do not let my life be lived in vain”’.

‘I mean I’ve known no different, I’ve been here since I was three years old, I’m not leaving this line anytime soon. I am waiting here until…wait, no. No I haven’t left the line, I was just talking to this reporter…I don’t know where he’s from, The Adelaide something or other, I think they think they’re Betoota…well, no, it doesn’t seem funny at all, actually. Just seems like they had an idea and then didn’t really know what to do with it…, they didn’t even mention the guy who completed his medicine degree in the line, talk about burying the lede’.

Goodings returned to the back of the line, which is now somewhere along the Coorong.

Credit for the headline idea goes to Ryley Smithson, follow him on Twitter @RyleySmithson

Related Posts

Road workers bored with South Road, add some sick jumps to Blackwood roundabout instead

17 July, 2020

17 July, 2020

F**K IT FRIDAY: For generations road “workers” have been “working” on South Road in a quest to make some sort...

Man scores entire week stay at Scotty’s Motel with $50 Travel Voucher

6 January, 2021

6 January, 2021

As one of the dozens of South Australians lucky enough to get a Great State Voucher after the Tourism Commission’s...

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

19 February, 2020

19 February, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated...

Old Commodore parked by Kuitpo signals start of ‘shroom season

18 June, 2019

18 June, 2019

A TRIP TO THE FOREST: Psychedelic Mushroom hunting season was declared open last week with the initiatory shitbox sighting on Brookman...

New RAH carpark awarded Adelaide’s most challenging escape room

18 January, 2019

18 January, 2019

Escape rooms have rapidly become all the rage with teenagers, lame corporate offices, and small groups of weird tight-knit friends...

Man successfully connects to AdelaideFree wifi network

5 November, 2018

5 November, 2018

In what has been described as a once in a lifetime technological phenomenon, city worker Simon Line has defied astronomical...

36ers import players to be paid in ‘exposure’ for 2019/20 NBL season

23 September, 2019

23 September, 2019

The Adelaide 36ers administration vow that they have learnt their lesson after attempting to pay an Aboriginal artist for her...

LEAKED: Shortlist of Port Adelaide’s other proposed new logos

15 October, 2019

15 October, 2019

Following the unveiling of Port Adelaide Football Club’s new logo commemorating the club’s 23rd year anniversary, Adelaide Mail can reveal...

Report: Albert Bensimon actually enjoyed a little bit of hoo-ha

19 December, 2018

19 December, 2018

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite his self-anointed reputation as a serious, no-nonsense jewellery magnate, the Adelaide Mail can finally reveal that Albert...

Stephan Knoll offers to wash dad’s car and do more chores to pay off $30,000 debt

22 July, 2020

22 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT South Australia’s Transport Minister Stephan Knoll landed himself in a bit of mischief this week by accidentally and...

Mix 102.3 accidentally goes 15 minutes without playing Smash Mouth

13 December, 2019

13 December, 2019

In an unfortunate series of mistakes that may cost Mix 102.3 in the year’s final round of radio ratings, the...

Government announce second road race for December – Santa’s Tour Down Under

28 January, 2020

28 January, 2020

MATT FREEMAN Riding a wave of excitement from the Tour Down Under, the state government are set to add a...

SA leads nation in problem drinkers masked as wine connoisseurs

25 October, 2019

25 October, 2019

In yet another example of South Australia leading its counterparts in important lifestyle statistics, a new study has revealed that...

State Government to reduce suburban Adelaide to one bus route

20 January, 2019

20 January, 2019

In a bid to increase efficiency across Adelaide’s struggling suburban bus network, the State Government has moved to remove all...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: