26 May, 2022

Spike in northern suburbs weddings ahead of Bali extramarital sex ban

The looming introduction of a new Indonesian law prohibiting extramarital sex and unmarried couples living together has seen a huge spike in the number of urgent weddings being performed around Adelaide’s northern suburbs and amateur football clubs.

Over 250,000 residents from Adelaide’s northern suburbs visit the island nation every day on the destination’s sole daily Jetstar flight out of Adelaide. The vast majority of these tourists are amateur footy players on end-of-season trips.

We brought in a celebrant to make sure that all our players are married before the end-of-season trip

With the new law set to affect both locals and foreign nationals, holidaymakers have been finding creative ways to insure themselves against the impending sex ban.

‘We brought in a celebrant to make sure that all our players are married before the end-of-season trip’, says Head of Football and Extramarital Operations at Elizabeth Football Club Donley Kerth. 

‘The thing is, a lot of our boys are young and don’t have wives, so we thought “what do we do here”? The answer: dress up half of our boys as women, legally change their names via deed poll to things like Craigette and Brucine, and marry ‘em to each other’.

‘We figure it’s a legal marriage here in Australia, so it should be fine. And I can’t see the Indonesians being too concerned about a man dressed up as a lady marrying a man so that they can ride around shitfaced on scooters and yell at taxi drivers. It’s just a bit of fun, blowing off some steam after a long year’.

When our reporter reminded Kerth that tourists would only need to be married if they intended on sleeping with each other, he responded ‘Nothing’s going to stand in the way of our end-of-season trip. The boys will do what they have to do’. 

Several members of the club are currently being held in a Bali prison.

Related Posts

Phone lines jammed as 24 million Australians all ring Victor Harbor to check on Nan

17 March, 2020

17 March, 2020

TOM STEWART In what has become a serious test of the nation’s telecommunications infrastructure, 24 million phone calls were placed...

Turns out Christies Beach sludge spill just rejected Caleb Bond articles

13 November, 2018

13 November, 2018

A break-in at the Christies Beach sewage treatment plant has seen the nearby beach closed for a stretch of 200...

Dog & Duck social media guy fucking nails it, yet again

3 January, 2020

3 January, 2020

While most businesses are finding it harder and harder to have their voice heard on social media, Adelaide nightclub Dog...

Farmers Union to launch new milk-based sports energy drink

16 December, 2020

16 December, 2020

"The curdle helps you clear the hurdles"

Subscribe to Adelaide Mail for a free set of headphones

25 June, 2019

25 June, 2019

With the state’s largest satirical newspaper, The Advertiser, currently attempting to lure the fellow kids into subscribing to their state...

Local numpty goes to new Royal Adelaide Hospital just to have a look around

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

Despite having no current health issues, John Duffle of Windsor Gardens has made his fourth trip to the new Royal...

Adelaide Rams fan very disappointed

14 February, 2022

14 February, 2022

After seeing a constant stream of betting company advertisements stating that the Rams would be playing a big game this...

City dads mourn the closure of their sole fashion source

17 February, 2020

17 February, 2020

Dads from around Adelaide have gathered to pay silent tribute to their sole source of clothing and style advice following...

16-39 year olds eligible for vaccine haven’t been this excited about Shotz since 2008

12 August, 2021

12 August, 2021

With news breaking that all people aged 16 to 39 in SA will be eligible to book a Pfizer vaccine...

Man plays quick 9 at Holey Moley before last year’s gift card expires

24 December, 2019

24 December, 2019

A Somerton Park man has knocked off work early in a frantic rush to get to novelty mini golf course...

Now here’s something we don’t mind Victoria stealing from SA

6 November, 2019

6 November, 2019

News has broken on several less reputable news-sites that failed Mayo candidate and novelty cheque aficionado Georgina Downer will be...

We rank Adelaide’s best TikTok stars

29 June, 2021

29 June, 2021

Whether they’re annoying shoppers while filming cringey shit in Rundle Mall or thinking their videos actually get that many views,...

New RAH carpark awarded Adelaide’s most challenging escape room

18 January, 2019

18 January, 2019

Escape rooms have rapidly become all the rage with teenagers, lame corporate offices, and small groups of weird tight-knit friends...

Aspiring Magic Cave Father Christmas settles for Parabanks gig again

1 December, 2019

1 December, 2019

For professional shopping centre Father Christmas Claude St Velcro, it’s become a case of take what you can get. Every...

(BOT ARTICLE) O-Bahn takes Caleb Bond to Chidda for Iced Coffee drink

14 December, 2020

14 December, 2020

NOTE: It’s the end of the year and we’re running out of ideas. So we decided to put every Adelaide...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: