31 May, 2023

Karen no longer knows how to threaten local businesses without Today Tonight

LET ME SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!: This morning as Clarence Gardens facebook-mum of two Karen Decrows, 43, set off for her morning coffee, little did she know what was in store for her.

Karen, who has been blacklisted from most cafes and eateries within a five kilometer radius of her home due to incessant complaints and entitled behaviour, travelled to a Magill cafe where she deliberately ignored the customers queuing, quickly forcing her way to the front of the line, slamming her Coach handbag on the counter, and instantly letting out an audible sigh as she started tapping her acrylic nails to gain the attention of the lone young barista.

‘Hello?!’ Karen exclaimed in a voice slightly louder than a yell ‘Is anyone serving this line?!’ Karen then pulled out a call bell from her bag and kept ringing it, even though the server was clearly in sight making another customer’s coffee.

Six seconds later, Karen was greeted by the friendly barista and asked what she’d like to order.

‘It’s about time’, said Karen, already checking her Facebook feed and not making eye contact with the server ‘I don’t even know what I want yet, where’s your menu?’ The waitress directed Karen to the menu, who was immediately unimpressed. ‘There’s too many things on this menu! I just need my coffee. Where are the coffees? Wow, four dollars?! These are overpriced coffees that probably taste like crap’.

Once the barista informed Karen that prices were cheaper if she had a Keep-Cup, that’s when the situation escalated.

‘Why would I carry a filthy cup around with me? Do you even know how much this 900 dollar handbag is worth, honey?’

As Karen was informed that she would have to wait until she made up her mind on what to order, as there were many others waiting in line, Karen decided it was time to pull out her proverbial yellow-card ‘Okay sweetie, let me speak to the manager’.

News of the cancellation of Adelaide’s Today Tonight ultimately sent Karen into a state of severe psychological shock, as she has been threatening to call the show on every single business she encounters for over a decade

As the barista stated she was the manager, Karen laughed ‘Ha! Oh no honey, the real manager, the owner, you know, the man who pays you’. As the barista explained that she was indeed the owner, proprietor, manager and sole-employee of the cafe, Karen, baffled that a young person could be succeeding in business, and highly embarrassed that a younger female would talk back to her, had no choice left but to pull out her red-card.

‘Well them, I am going to call Adelaide’s Today Tonight and tell them about this terrible customer service and probably dodgy business set-up!’ stated Karen.

Several customers waiting in line, desperate to chime in, exclaimed ‘They cancelled that show!’

It has been reported that Karen then dropped her handbag, went totally silent, and with a blank stare slowly walked backwards towards the cafe entrance. Offering no response to queries if she was okay, a shell-shocked Karen started wandering the streets of Magill aimlessly, only speaking to herself under her breath.

News of the cancellation of Adelaide’s Today Tonight ultimately sent Karen into a state of severe psychological shock, as she has been threatening to call the show on every single business she encounters for over a decade, and now no longer knows how to undertake any kind of patronage without it.

Karen was reportedly last seen shaking in a Rostrevor backstreet frantically Googling “best value frozen pizzas for family”, “hoon drivers in my neighbourhood” and “Tracy Grimshaw’s phone number”

Related Posts

Instead of going to The Show, kids simply empty mum’s wallet into bin

30 August, 2019

30 August, 2019

Katalina Glispers has countless fond memories of the Royal Adelaide Show as a child. From losing her two front teeth...

Residents of Shithöle angered at being compared to Adelaide

25 September, 2019

25 September, 2019

The small village of Shithöle lies somewhere along the Eastern European poverty belt’s poverty belt, near the disputed border of...

South Australian banned from returning to Adelaide from Victoria Square

31 July, 2020

31 July, 2020

Alrighty. Strap yourselves in readers, because with a headline like that, this is surely going to be a pretty poor...

REVEALED: Pelicans actually prefer to shop at TTP

13 November, 2019

13 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

New SA tourism campaign just a 5 day live stream of weeping widow

2 September, 2019

2 September, 2019

South Australia’s tourism commission has unveiled a new marketing concept that is equal parts depressing and long, the two key...

What the hell is East Terrace’s deal, anyway?

29 July, 2019

29 July, 2019

For all the plaudits paid to South Australia’s most famous drawer of grids Colonel William Light, nobody has ever bothered...

Rob Lucas madly Googles ‘SA state-owned assets’ after GST writedown

17 December, 2019

17 December, 2019

A $474 million reduction in previously promised Commonwealth grants and GST revenue and has seen State Treasurer Rob Lucas resort...

EXPOSED: Ancestry DNA shows Adelaide not even related to “Sister Cities”

12 February, 2020

12 February, 2020

MATT FREEMAN The Adelaide City Council has attempted to stop all those naysayers that say “Sister Cities” is some meaningless...

Man considers moving after reading local Tea Tree Gully Facebook group

19 August, 2020

19 August, 2020

Less than 48 hours after joining the local community Facebook group “WHATS GOING ON IN TEA TREE GULLY”, lifetime North-East...

“OK, who had ‘obviously fake number plates’ this week?” asks traffic officer in charge of office sweep

11 February, 2021

11 February, 2021

Images: SA Police DAVID KNIGHT A lucky SAPOL officer has scooped the pool at the weekly office sweep after correctly...

State government announces replacement for Adelaide 500: The Royal Adelaide 500

21 May, 2021

21 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT With opposition to the cancellation of the Adelaide 500 reaching fever pitch the state government have announced that...

Woman updates LinkedIn profile to include climbing Big Rocking Horse certificate

23 January, 2019

23 January, 2019

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Melanie Yearling of Birdwood doing whatever she can to enhance her LinkedIn profile for...

Regional dad hopes this Africola place does a good schnitty

22 November, 2018

22 November, 2018

Visiting his graduating son in ‘the big smoke’, Bill Wrangler of Renmark decided to take the family out for a...

Modern Day Mawson: Man goes to Golden Grove Netball Courts without jacket

22 June, 2022

22 June, 2022

SADNARCTICA: Although Saturday’s weather was sunny and calm, one local man severely underestimated the harshness Golden Grove Netball Courts’ own...

Call Eshay Quality Home Improvements if you wanna get knocked down brah

15 February, 2021

15 February, 2021

With South Australia’s other satirical news website exposing the existence of a “new” youth subculture which is well over a...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: