5 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

“South Boy” reckons Christies is heaps rougher than Smithfield

Despite never having travelled north of Prospect, Witton Huntfield of Christies Beach firmly believes that Adelaide’s southern suburbs are far rougher, and therefore somehow better, than anywhere in Adelaide’s north.

Speaking to us from the balcony of his parent’s home on the Esplanade, Witton (who quite frankly looked like he would get rolled the second he stepped foot on the platform at Munno Para station) explained his reasoning behind this to the Adelaide Mail.

‘You see, Christies is proper tough, the internet has told me so’, stated Witton, gazing over the calm, picturesque ocean ‘Anyone who thinks living in Elizabeth, Davoren Park or Smithfield is rough should come down here and see how good they’ve got it’.

As we sipped on cool drinks, Witton continued ‘Let me tell you, you wouldn’t want to walk around these south streets at night. Not that I do, mum takes me everywhere. But you wouldn’t believe some of the rough stuff I’ve seen down this way. Once at Colonnades, I actually saw two people raising their voices in an altercation over a car-park space near Cibo, could have probably turned violent if they hadn’t come to an agreement and promptly apologised for their actions’.

Despite an evident socio-economic and cultural divide between Adelaide’s North and South, Witton continued to maintain how rough his ‘hood is ‘Elizabeth ain’t hard, Elizabeth Road in Christie Downs now that’s hard…yes, the one with the childcare centre and primary school on it. I once saw three abandoned shopping trolleys on the same street, that’s how you know this is a rough place where only the hard survive’.

As the sun set over the water, giving a glistening orange to the swaying palm trees in the manicured park, Witton kept whispering to himself ‘Souf life, the roughest, the toughest’ as the intro from Nosebleed Section could be heard faintly in the distance.

Related Posts

Valley Butchers unsure why anybody would be offended by new sign

18 September, 2019

18 September, 2019

An Adelaide butcher who was found to have breached advertising standards by displaying a sign that read ‘Non Halal Certified’...

Misguided Get This tribute lands nerds in middle of Veale Gardens beat

4 July, 2019

4 July, 2019

An ill-advised tribute tour of every landmark referenced in cult Triple M radio show Get This has ended in the...

90s Toyota Commercial still killing it at every SA Caravan Park

29 November, 2019

29 November, 2019

The 20th annual Caravan Recreation Area Park comedy awards were held at Lake Bonney last weekend, with one classic comedy...

Bowden plant sale customer will definitely keep them alive this time

6 May, 2019

6 May, 2019

Serial houseplant murderer Juniper Cortisol may have a track record in buying and subsequently killing all of her previous houseplants,...

Sign at Ingle Farm Shopping Centre explains a lot about North Eastern suburbs fashion

6 February, 2020

6 February, 2020

A sign proclaiming Ingle Farm Shopping Centre to be ‘your local place for fashion’ has been found to offer an...

Kent Town resident drives length of North Terrace without being stopped

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Dwayne Hoff of Kent Town could not believe his luck last Wednesday afternoon. As he hopped in his car to meet friends at “The Deli” in Thebarton, little did he know what was in store for him.

New Adelaide bar without a neon sign probably doomed

11 September, 2019

11 September, 2019

It’s in a prime location and serves the best cocktails in a welcoming environment, but something is missing at Adelaide’s...

Send help. Stuck in traffic on Copper Coast Hwy. Tell wife I love her

28 January, 2019

28 January, 2019

It’s been fourteen hours since I left the campsite at Innes National Park, we thought that we were getting a...

Lucindale starts with the clingy texts after a one night stand

17 September, 2019

17 September, 2019

As the dust settles in the usually quiet town in our State’s South-East and life starts to return to normal,...

Don Pyke keen to sign Brodie Grundy to warm the bench in SANFL

27 May, 2019

27 May, 2019

With star Collingwood ruckman Brodie Grundy out of contract at the end of 2020, Adelaide Crows coach Don Pyke is...

Sober Sea & Vines patron can still hear DJ Ötzi’s Hey Baby in his ears

11 June, 2019

11 June, 2019

Having committed to a well-intentioned but poorly-timed ‘month off the turps’ Alsace Lorraine found himself as designated driver for this...

New SA retail forecast in: All Rundle Mall shops to shut by 2021

21 February, 2020

21 February, 2020

The latest numbers are in for South Australia’s economy, and it’s not good news for the state’s struggling retail sector....

Office worker finds any excuse to tell you that she did City To Bay

16 September, 2019

16 September, 2019

You don’t typically see Sarah from marketing at the office before 9am at best. And to see her away from...

To avoid confusion Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton / Penfold / St Bernards Road to get even more names

14 January, 2020

14 January, 2020

MATT FREEMAN Adelaide’s single stretch of road with more names than any other, Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton...

Frewville Foodland security guard not really sure why he’s there either

6 July, 2018

6 July, 2018

Seven years since taking up the role, Derek Hughes has yet to chase, apprehend, or even caution a suspect person...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: