3 March, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Sight of OTR toilet instantly cures man’s violent diarrhoea

After a week in Bali and a big ‘welcome home’ night with the boys, city construction labourer, Trey Dee, was feeling less than pleasant after his morning smoko iced coffees and servo pie. As brunch break crept up, Trey knew he couldn’t hold on much longer. With the construction site toilets occupied, he bolted to the nearest OTR to relieve himself.

‘I was desperate’, said Trey ‘desperate enough to use an On The Run toilet, that’s for sure’.

Yep, as soon as I saw it, the feeling just went away. Instantly cured, I couldn’t believe it

However, upon viewing the toilet, a miraculous medical marvel was discovered.

‘Yep, as soon as I saw it, the feeling just went away. Instantly cured, I couldn’t believe it’ recalled Trey ‘I felt so great that I grabbed a couple more pies and another 2 litre Iced Coffee on my way out’.

Doctors and Biologists from Shahin University are now investigating this startling phenomena, with early research indicating the sight of an OTR toilet can instantly stop an upset stomach, the urge to defecate, and in many cases, the will to live. Of course, OTR intends to capitalise on this discovery somehow in the near future, with Trey already assisting with the marketing.

‘On The Run, more like Stop The Runs, amirite?’

in Life, News
Related Posts

SA tells WA ‘Only we have the skills to maintain problem-riddled subs’

13 August, 2019

13 August, 2019

With Western Australia circling Adelaide’s lucrative Collins Class Submarine maintenance contract, SA’s western counterparts have been told to ‘Back off,...

Desperate for a vaccine, people start lining up for Shotz like it’s 2005

26 March, 2020

26 March, 2020

As the world scrambles to find a vaccine for COVID-19, desperate and clearly confused South Australians are looking for anywhere...

Not to be outdone by Olsen, Mike Rann announced as new chairman for Adelaide Rams

13 October, 2020

13 October, 2020

There’s an old saying that goes ‘politicians never retire, they just end up becoming chairmen of local sporting clubs’, and...

KP-24 sales skyrocket at Adelaide pharmacies

20 March, 2019

20 March, 2019

A wave of people have been heading into city pharmacies for the lice treatment, KP-24, and everyone is scratching their head...

Midnight Pharmacy seriously gives no fucks anymore

28 February, 2019

28 February, 2019

What was once an innovative practice for the early 2000’s, in an age where South Australian pharmacies were banned from...

Scottish town opens “South Aussie’s Motel” with giant statue of Darren Jarman

9 February, 2021

9 February, 2021

On the outskirts of Glasgow, the small Scottish town of McDundee has returned the South Australian reverence to Scotland with...

Old mate puts Holden badge on new Camaro

30 July, 2019

30 July, 2019

With the release of American muscle-car the Chevrolet Camaro to Australia, avid Holden fan Beau Ghan was excited to somehow get...

REVEALED: Seven Stars Hotel actually only has 4.3 star Google rating

7 November, 2019

7 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South Australia, today...

This ALDI cookware is such a bargain you’ll almost forget about Australia’s history of systemic racism

2 June, 2020

2 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT What a glorious year under the good graces of the ALDI gods it has been. Just when we...

Rail shutdown somehow leads to more punctual tram and train services

21 August, 2019

21 August, 2019

With commuter rail services shut down over two days in order to let transport workers attend mandatory meetings, Adelaide commuters...

You can visit Red Square this weekend! (And by ‘Red Square’ we mean some ginger nerd)

20 May, 2020

20 May, 2020

With news breaking that pubs will not commence reopening until June, there are still plenty of ways to have fun...

Instagrammer comments “Why no Adelaide?!” on tour announcement despite no intention of going

5 June, 2018

5 June, 2018

When international pop artist Shawn Mendes announced his Australian tour earlier this month, Cara O’Connell, 16, was less than amused at the glaring omission of Adelaide for the run of shows.

Suburb of Manningham will be renamed Beingham to remove gender bias

3 February, 2021

3 February, 2021

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD?: The small inner-north Adelaide suburb of Manningham will undergo a name change after much council debate...

Protesters storm Tea Tree Plaza Caffe Primo demanding return of $9.90 meals

8 January, 2021

8 January, 2021

Thousands of South Australian patriots have shown up at Caffe Primo to demand the return of the $9.90 meal special,...

Calm down Jessica, it’s Lofty, not Everest

21 December, 2018

21 December, 2018

With a backpack full of rations, emergency supplies, and flares, Jessica Peak is fully equipped for her 3.9km Waterfall Gully to Mount...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: