5 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Modbury Triangle celebrates 14th shopper of 2020

In what has been an admittedly slower year for one of the smaller metropolitan shopping outlets, Modbury Triangle Shopping Centre is attempting to boost customer and trader morale by celebrating any sort of minor achievement accomplished by the centre.

In what was once a shopping powerhouse, Modbury Triangle had an excellent bakery, a cabbage leaf strewn Bi-Lo, and a pretty fun pet shop with a bird that would talk to you. It was once the standard weekend activity for north-eastern parents to take their kids to the pet-shop to look at the cool aquariums and pat the rabbits when they couldn’t afford to go to the zoo.

However, nowadays it seems the supermarket can no longer be bothered to fill shelves, the newsagent no longer stocks satirical newspaper The Advertiser, and the most frequented stores are somehow the ones for lease.

“Some are blaming centre management, some are blaming the economy, but the vast majority of people are blaming the nerds in the Warhammer shop out front repelling potential customers with their B.O.”.

To boost moral, the centre has begun celebrating minor accomplishments, including “someone actually bought something”, “security guard stayed awake for three consecutive hours” or “store didn’t catch on fire today”. The centre marked the momentous occasion of 2020’s 14th shopper earlier this week and is hopeful to crack 20 once some deodorant is donated from the chemist to the Warhammer shop.

Editor’s note: In all honesty, if you’re a North-East legend, try and support the small businesses in the Triangle if you can. I recently took my son to Hair By Rebecca for a haircut, they were super friendly even if they didn’t let me sit in one of their race-car chairs. So if you’re looking for a great place to shop, or just need some peace and quiet, Modbury Triangle is the place to be.

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