5 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat of the COVID-19 virus.

Even the most conservative health experts have dismissed the idea of a permanent cancellation of sporting leagues as excessive, however, one group of Adelaide Crows fans has floated the idea as an act of precaution.

‘No, this has nothing to do with our prospects for the season’, says Crows Fan Club Assistant Treasurer and Crepe Paper Enthusiast Claude Crowe. ‘This has nothing to with our prospects, we just want everyone to be safe and it has absolutely nothing to do with our prospects for the season’.

‘To be honest, I’m confident about the season ahead. I had us down in the top eight, probably pushing for top four if a few results fall our way. So, to be honest, this is devastating. But I just think, it’d be better if we never play football ever again and that has nothing to do with our prospects for the season. None whatsoever’.

It has absolutely nothing to do with our prospects for the season

Amidst the unsolicited reassurances that he had been confident in the season ahead, Crowe began arguing with us about how Wayne Milera is better than several departed Adelaide players.

‘We’ve got Wayne, and he can go back if we need him. So immediately, that fills the gap left by Lever and Keath. He can take a mark so all of a sudden you’re going “we don’t need McGovern anymore” and he can play on the ball so we don’t need that flog Danger. So it’s a shame that the season’s not going ahead because Wayne’s better than all those guys. But I seriously think we should err on the side of caution and that has nothing to do with our prospects for this season’.

Tags: in News, Sport
Related Posts

Rail shutdown somehow leads to more punctual tram and train services

21 August, 2019

21 August, 2019

With commuter rail services shut down over two days in order to let transport workers attend mandatory meetings, Adelaide commuters...

Barmera economy kept afloat entirely by TV Travel Auctions

22 January, 2019

22 January, 2019

‘Who wants to go on a holiday, holiday, holiday?’ You can hear the eternally-repeating echoes of John Dean’s famous voiceover...

Calm down Jessica, it’s Lofty, not Everest

21 December, 2018

21 December, 2018

With a backpack full of rations, emergency supplies, and flares, Jessica Peak is fully equipped for her 3.9km Waterfall Gully to Mount...

North East Road to be 100% service stations by 2026

9 January, 2020

9 January, 2020

With the rise in popularity of X Convenience service stations and OTR’s “they build one, we build two” policy, urban planning experts have revealed that this exponential growth will lead to North East Road becoming entirely lined with service stations by mid-2026.

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Top two levels “still as exciting as ever” say Myer Centre management

12 April, 2019

12 April, 2019

In a bid to entice more people into an ageing, largely vacant shopping centre, the management of the Myer Centre...

REVEALED: Chicken Chef actually only qualified as a Kitchenhand

4 November, 2019

4 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

Big Red Car mag wheels stolen at Elizabeth City Centre

31 October, 2018

31 October, 2018

Disappointed children and slightly relieved parents have arrived at Elizabeth Shopping Centre to find the multi-coloured mag wheels stolen from...

Gawler line passenger set for great day after altercation-free commute

17 October, 2018

17 October, 2018

Startling footage has emerged from a security camera on-board an Adelaide-bound Gawler train this morning showing an entirely incident-free trip....

TAFE SA qualifications now offered on Foodland dockets with purchase over $40

3 December, 2018

3 December, 2018

The aftermath of controversy, audits, resignations, misconduct and corruption has led to TAFE SA taking drastic measures to ensure qualifications...

Man really should start training for City to Bay

7 September, 2018

7 September, 2018

With a week to go until he plans on running 12km, Michael Walker of Glynde figures he should really start...

If quarantined, please listen to the other hundred Adelaide Crows podcasts instead of making your own

20 March, 2020

20 March, 2020

As working in isolation and two-week quarantines become commonplace for many South Australians, a high proportion of 20 and 30...

Keith Conlon announced as new drummer for I Killed The Prom Queen

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

In a bold new move by Adelaide’s metalcore kings I Killed The Prom Queen, the announcement of veteran radio broadcaster...

We rank Adelaide’s top (and only) 3 working digital Adelaide Metro signs

18 November, 2019

18 November, 2019

What was meant to be Adelaide Mail’s first barely readable, every item on a different page, advertisement clogged ‘Top 10 List’, has...

Modbury Triangle celebrates 14th shopper of 2020

3 March, 2020

3 March, 2020

In what has been an admittedly slower year for one of the smaller metropolitan shopping outlets, Modbury Triangle Shopping Centre...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: