28 October, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Adelaide Oval Christmas Pageant limited to only 25,000 bagpipers

DAN SCHMIDT

With news that the 2020 Adelaide Christmas Pageant will be held at Adelaide Oval, many are shocked about what the limited capacity will mean.

Traditionally over 300,000 bagpipers line the streets of Adelaide to all play an extremely similar sounding high-pitched drone for the Pageant, so as the news broke of the venue change, many pipers were not pleased.

‘Aye! Nae good news at ah’, yelled President of the South Australian Bagpiper and Tinnitus Sufferers Association, John O’Grates ‘Ye’ see, they dinnae ken what this will do tae ah the poor pipers whae miss oot!’ shouted O’Grates as his Scottish accent started to wain.

‘This is a ninety percent reduction of Pageant pipers, it could destroy our community because the Pageant is like Mecca for bagpipers. And by Mecca I mean the upmarket cosmetic chain store, obviously. I may be a bagpiper, but that doesn’t mean I have to put up with bags under my eyes, and their range of facial cleansers leave my skin feeling refreshed and looking radiant’.

A limit of only 25,000 is a ninety percent reduction on previous years.

We spoke with another (and this time unsponsored) bagpiper who said ‘It’s devastating that I may miss out’, boomed Scotty S. O’Tell, a sixteen foot tall behemoth of a man ‘It would be wonderful if they could have us all. The noise 300,000 pipers would make in unison would be the most shrill, ear-piercing tone Adelaide Oval has experienced since Guns N’ Roses played there in 2017′.

Although the reduced number of pipers will be welcomed by many attendees, particularly as children won’t have to wait twelve hours to see Santa, the majority of North Adelaide residents have already filed preemptive noise complaints with Adelaide City Council.

in Life, News
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