26 September, 2022

Farmers Union to launch new milk-based sports energy drink

DAVID KNIGHT

“The curdle helps you clear the hurdles”

Farmers Union has stunned the South Australian food and beverage industry by today announcing a
new line of Iced-Coffee based sports Energy Drinks.

Adelaide Mail spoke to FUIC product development manager, Di Abeeties at the product launch for “Farmers Union Iced Coffee Sport Plus”.

After confirming she was indeed not high, Di Abeeties explained the decision to launch the new line.

‘Well it’s our duty to keep those Yanks and their fizzy brown seppo sugar water off the top of the
podium. To that end, we’re diversifying the Farmers Union Iced Coffee range and expanding into an
area of the market we haven’t previously occupied – sports energy drinks’.

When asked how she thought a milk-based energy drink would be received, she replied ‘The energy part’s not a problem, there’s so much caffeine and sugar in it that we haven’t had to change the original formula that much, but that’s not the point – sometimes when you’re undergoing strenuous physical activity, you can feel a bit crook in the tummy – this is where FUIC Sport Plus really comes into its own, the unique milk based formula acts fast to help you get out a quick tactical vom’.

‘Everyone knows you feel better after getting it out of your system, and FUIC sport plus will bring it
up quicker than anything else. None of our competitors come close’.

‘And once you get the unpleasant stuff out of the way, the unique blend of minerals and electrolytes
helps replenish the stuff that the vom takes out. It really helps you to perform at your best – longer,
harder, creamier, frothier, chunkier’.

She then offered a sample of the new beverage to our reporter, who politely declined.

Farmers Union Iced Coffee Sport Plus will be available at all good supermarkets and service stations,
and even at some of the shit ones as well.

Related Posts

Victorians look to Adelaide for tips on how to shut down entire city by 8pm every night

10 August, 2020

10 August, 2020 4

TRENT BARTLETT As Melbourne continues to get themselves home no later than 8pm, Victorians have been looking across the border...

Adelaide Oval Christmas Pageant limited to only 25,000 bagpipers

22 September, 2020

22 September, 2020

A 90 percent reduction on previous years.

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Thousands of Port fans call in ‘sick’, empty office chairs everywhere tarped

13 May, 2019

13 May, 2019

Thousands of Port Power fans from around the state have chucked a sickie today, knowing full well they are incapable...

SA Govt to start shifting truckloads of ‘Whinging Semaphore residents’

9 September, 2019

9 September, 2019

Following weeks of protests, debates and back-and-forth, the state government has finally arrived at a solution that will see their...

“It’s a myth that everyone from Adelaide knows each other…but yeah, I know Matt”

15 January, 2021

15 January, 2021

A travelling Adelaide worker has once again reinforced the the myth that all South Australians happen to know each other...

Protesters storm Tea Tree Plaza Caffe Primo demanding return of $9.90 meals

8 January, 2021

8 January, 2021

Thousands of South Australian patriots have shown up at Caffe Primo to demand the return of the $9.90 meal special,...

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

Former Unley High student goes whole day without mentioning that Julia Gillard went to Unley

15 November, 2018

15 November, 2018

Friends and family of former Unley High School student Matthew Drorting are relieved today following 24 hours of Drorting’s self-imposed...

Man goes to Glenelg for New Year’s under impression it may be good

2 January, 2020

2 January, 2020

A local Adelaide man will tonight undertake what many South Australians have fallen trap to in the past. As a...

Could’ve been more specific, say mates meeting at ‘Shit Norwood Cafe’

12 November, 2019

12 November, 2019

A pair of old friends who had arranged to catch up at ‘That shitty Italian place on The Parade’ are...

OTR owners to install giant sun-blocking device over Adelaide

18 December, 2018

18 December, 2018

South Australia’s omnipotent overlords the Peregrine Corporation have proposed an eternal solution to guaranteeing demand for 24/7 convenience stores and...

Resident of Not In Service always has entire bus to himself

4 June, 2020

4 June, 2020

A resident of one of Adelaide’s lesser known inner-outer suburbs, Not In Service, has continued to regularly catch public transport...

Haggle guy reckons he could still get a Caffe Primo meal for $9.90

5 July, 2019

5 July, 2019

Despite not having a $9.90 menu or the iconic South Australian television commercial for several years, there is one person...

Port Adelaide celebrates 25th anniversary of really taking off in the next few years

16 September, 2020

16 September, 2020

This week officially marked the 25th anniversary of Port Adelaide locals, clueless investors and desperate medium-density housing developers all maintaining...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: