30 July, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs for their famous Footy Pies in cramped, dirty and inhumane conditions.

Tattered and malnourished Sherrins are caged without adequate food or fresh water before being brutally slaughtered for pastry filling. Consumers are shocked to also learn that all parts of the footy are used for the pie, including laces and stitching.

We initially did start with free range footies, but our new production methods have significantly lowered our costs

However, Balfours are defending the use of caged footies, spokeswoman Ava Pastie stated ‘We initially did start with free range footies, but our new production methods have significantly lowered our costs, making Footy Pies affordable for South Australian families’.

But PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Australian Rules Footballs) has naturally slammed Balfours’ decision.

To hear an interview with the man who made the first Footy pie, and many other hilarious stories from Balfours, have a listen to the AdeLOL podcast episode below.

Related Posts

Fun Fact: TTP actually stands for ‘That Terrible Place’

21 August, 2020

21 August, 2020

“WhY iS tHe rEtAiL sEcToR fAiLiNg?”: It is a little known fact that the north-eastern shopping centre was initially named...

SA leads nation in problem drinkers masked as wine connoisseurs

25 October, 2019

25 October, 2019

In yet another example of South Australia leading its counterparts in important lifestyle statistics, a new study has revealed that...

Pray for Kane: Cornes forced to scrap next six months of story ideas

4 September, 2019

4 September, 2019

Kane Cornes’s media career has been thrown into disarray after Adelaide Crows co-captain Taylor Walker announced that he will be...

Buffalo replica replica to honour memory of Buffalo replica

30 January, 2019

30 January, 2019

Just hours after it was announced that Glenelg’s landmark Buffalo restaurant would be demolished due to its state of disrepair,...

Pandemic revealed to be just another classic gotcha call that got out-of-hand

17 May, 2020

17 May, 2020

Everybody loves a prank, right? From children on YouTube staging murders to brands pretending that they’re selling a new product...

Kevin Costner spotted in Ridgehaven filming Waterworld sequel

12 August, 2019

12 August, 2019

With Adelaide seemingly becoming a relatively budget-friendly locale for upcoming Hollywood flops, it has become apparent that Mortal Kombat isn’t...

Truckie was just holding out for cheaper fuel price

31 October, 2019

31 October, 2019

A truck driver that caused massive delays on the downtrack of the SE Freeway remains convinced that he made the...

“Our one mistake was not charging more for a thickshake” – 50SixOne

1 March, 2020

1 March, 2020

With the business in the hands of liquidators and its three remaining stores now closed, the owners of 50sixone have...

All we want to know about the SkyCity Casino upgrade is if they’ve brought back the horse racing game

2 December, 2020

2 December, 2020

The new upgraded section of the SkyCity Adelaide casino has opened and it seems they’re letting all local media in...

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

Nobody asking ‘why no Adelaide?’ about this band’s tour for some reason

13 February, 2019

13 February, 2019

Dozens of international bands tour Australia each year, with many of them bypassing South Australia’s capital in favour of its...

Victor Harbor opens new Youth Centre for local adolescents aged 55-70

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

In an attempt at engaging the region’s younger demographic, Victor Harbor has launched a hip new hangout for residents born...

Chronically late coworker still using Clipsal as excuse for being late

25 March, 2019

25 March, 2019

In what is becoming a true stretch of coworkers’ patience, Donald Thermium has continued to cite ‘Clipsal’ as an excuse...

Man actually chooses to sit in this seat

26 April, 2019

26 April, 2019

With the vast majority of city commuters taking this week off, Kramdin Numpteedu of Klemzig has had his fair share...

Crows ruckman’s phone breaks, accidentally likes a bunch of transphobic and anti-BLM tweets

9 July, 2020

9 July, 2020

Adelaide Crows ruckman Reilly O’Brien’s had an absolute mare. Wouldn’t you know it, his bloody iPhone 8 carked it, then...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: