9 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Every Polites building to be heritage listed in 2020

In a surprising move by the SA Heritage Listing Council, it has been deemed that each and every Polites building will be heritage listed next year.

Comprising of approximately 76% of all CBD buildings, 89% of South Australia’s white paint usage, and 92% of the Adelaide metropolitan area’s rising salt-damp, the Heritage Council has deemed that Polites buildings have been an iconic part of Adelaide ever since Con Polites proudly put the Polites name to his first neglected block of apartments.

Speaking on behalf of the Heritage Listing Council, Bill Derr stated ‘There’s nothing more recognisable to Adelaide’s CBD and surrounds than the big blue Polites signs. For one, they’re everywhere, and second, they’re a great representation of how governing bodies will look the other way when there’s money involved, a true South Australian tradition’.

The surprise Heritage listing has been widely welcomed by the Polites family and their stakeholders. Speaking exclusively to Adelaide Mail from one of the hundred Hindley Steet Polites buildings, a completely fictional Polites spokesperson stated ‘This is fantastic news for us’, as they wiped away the crumbling plaster dust from their suit shoulders ‘heritage listing essentially means that we now don’t have to do any repair work on our buildings…not that we ever have previously, but still, great news’ concluded the definitely 100% fictional (we can not stress that enough, we don’t need another Zhivago’s incident) Polites spokesperson.

The Heritage Council says this is the first step in a bold move to Heritage List more South Australian icons over the coming years, including Scotty’s Motel, Adelaide Rams memorabilia, and not keeping left unless overtaking. They will get to these once they make the 4600 little blue plaques required to cover all the Polites buildings.

To hear the absolutely insane story of property tycoon Con Polites, who he was, why the Polites signs, and how many hats he owned, listen to this episode of the AdeLOL podcast. AdeLOL is a comedy podcast exploring hilarious stories from South Australia’s unique history.

in News
Related Posts

New “Farmers Onion” Iced Coffee flavour only popular with one man

29 October, 2019

29 October, 2019

In a bold new move by South Australia’s highest selling beverage company, the new Farmer’s Union, “Farmer’s Onion” Iced Coffee...

Bloke who spent $900 on Home Lottery tickets very satisfied with his $75 Heatworks gift card

28 September, 2018

28 September, 2018

Troy Simons of Rosewater, lives by the old adage ‘you gotta’ be in it to win it’, and ‘win it’...

Victorian music journo asking for directions to “The Barton” theatre

29 January, 2019

29 January, 2019

Visiting Victorian music journalist Gulag Torquehand has lost her patience with seemingly unhelpful South Australians after asking dozens of Adelaideans...

‘AFL players will struggle to pay for second story on Queensland holiday homes’ – Brad Crouch

27 March, 2020

27 March, 2020 1

Star Adelaide Crow player Brad Crouch has told Adelaide Mail that some players would ‘struggle to pay for their second...

Fullarton Road servo sells out of these sunnies for some reason

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In what has been described by economists as an unpredicted and alarming spike in demand, a Fullarton Road service station...

Jase reckons he could have his own Fringe show, mates agree

18 February, 2019

18 February, 2019

After having watched exactly 275 minutes of stand up comedy in his life, Jason ‘Jase’ Breadhand became convinced of his...

South Australian unreasonably smug watching Queenslanders lose their minds over plastic bag ban

5 July, 2018

5 July, 2018

Sometimes you just have to rub your hands together and look on with glee at the failures of those other,...

“SA wind farms to blame for Murray-Darling crisis, probably” – Morrison

14 January, 2019

14 January, 2019

Stand-in Prime Minister Scott Morrison has lobbed the political football squarely toward South Australia’s wind farms for the growing Murray-Darling...

14 year old comedic genius invents the nickname “Colon Aids”

19 March, 2020

19 March, 2020

A Hackham West teenager has taken Adelaide’s southern suburbs by storm after creating a hilarious crude nickname for Colonnades shopping...

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

SA tells WA ‘Only we have the skills to maintain problem-riddled subs’

13 August, 2019

13 August, 2019

With Western Australia circling Adelaide’s lucrative Collins Class Submarine maintenance contract, SA’s western counterparts have been told to ‘Back off,...

Advertiser’s top 100 restaurant list just Barnacle Bill 100 times

16 October, 2019

16 October, 2019

Usually the number one source of fish and chip paper itself, our State’s leading satirical newspaper The Advertiser has surprised...

Downer shares anti-vaxx post in attempt to gain Adelaide Hills mum voters

15 May, 2019

15 May, 2019

In a bold move to gain the Adelaide Hills young family voters demographic, Georgina has joined an anti-vaccination facebook group...

Number One! Number One! SA leads the nation in this one key statistic

16 August, 2019

16 August, 2019

There aren’t too many measures in which South Australia ranks first amongst Australian states. Mainland states that is. We remain...

Community members begin filling in for teachers as strike takes effect

1 July, 2019

1 July, 2019

In a plot device lifted directly from the golden years of The Simpsons, unqualified members from the community have begun...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: