5 March, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Big Red Car mag wheels stolen at Elizabeth City Centre

Disappointed children and slightly relieved parents have arrived at Elizabeth Shopping Centre to find the multi-coloured mag wheels stolen from The Wiggle’s Big Red Car ride. In what has been described as a reflection of the ongoing crime wave throughout the region, and a ‘Wheelie Nasty Theft‘ by “journalists” at satirical newspaper/click-bait pun headline purveyor The Advertiser, police have undertaken preliminary investigations.

SA Police have stated the prime suspect is Elizabeth local, and well known thief, Captain Feathersword

Reports state that a Wiggle was meant to be watching the car whilst the theft occured, however The Wiggles would neither confirm or deny that Purple Wiggle, Lachy, had fallen asleep at the wheel during his shift.

SA Police have stated the prime suspect is Elizabeth local, and well known thief, Captain Feathersword. Although security camera vision is yet to be released, witnesses state that Feathersword was spotted waiting outside the Cash Converters on Elizabeth Way early this morning, and was later seen in the Rose & Crown pokie room where he got the feature on the ‘Pirate Rose’ pokie machine.

This witness statement is being treated with caution as everyone knows it’s really hard to get free spins on that machine. Everyone knows that for your best chances at a decent feature, 2 cents per line on ‘Where’s the Gold?’ just after someone else has got off the machine provides you with much better odds.

Related Posts

Plans for Anzac Hwy Le Cornu site revealed: Big fence, even more weeds

23 January, 2020

23 January, 2020 1

As Kaufland mysteriously disappear from Australian shores, top secret plans for the future of Le Cornu’s former Anzac Highway showroom...

Port Adelaide celebrates 25th anniversary of really taking off in the next few years

16 September, 2020

16 September, 2020

This week officially marked the 25th anniversary of Port Adelaide locals, clueless investors and desperate medium-density housing developers all maintaining...

Cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances

18 November, 2020

18 November, 2020

South Australia’s Psychic and Body Odour festival has once again been cancelled due to events that nobody saw coming. This...

14 year old comedic genius invents the nickname “Colon Aids”

19 March, 2020

19 March, 2020

A Hackham West teenager has taken Adelaide’s southern suburbs by storm after creating a hilarious crude nickname for Colonnades shopping...

2001 Golden Grove High graduate still using the word ‘Gug’

2 January, 2019

2 January, 2019

Over 17 years since barely graduating from Golden Grove, Richard Mahogany of Greenwith continues to utilise obscure and almost obsolete...

Man who suggested synchronising traffic light sequences swiftly fired

30 September, 2019

30 September, 2019

A staff member from South Australia’s Department of Planning, Transport & Infrastructure has been fired from his role as a...

Oakbank Racing Club releases At-Home Horse Euthanasia Kit for those missing the Easter carnival

12 April, 2020

12 April, 2020

Organisers of the annual Oakbank Easter Carnival are looking at novel ways to give punters a way to enjoy all...

Goodwood Road cemetery to add severed head sculpture to existing public artwork

5 July, 2020

5 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT A Goodwood Road cemetery is looking to increase the number of sculptures depicting severed appendages in a renewed...

Subscribe to Adelaide Mail for a free set of headphones

25 June, 2019

25 June, 2019

With the state’s largest satirical newspaper, The Advertiser, currently attempting to lure the fellow kids into subscribing to their state...

“Menz” Confectionery to change name to “Personz”

2 January, 2020

2 January, 2020 1

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD?: In a bid to gain greater market share and simultaneously not offend anyone, Menz Confectionery, the creator...

No media bias: For every negative Power article, we run at least 0.2 negative Crows articles

9 June, 2020

9 June, 2020

SHOWDOWN WEEK: It’s often stated that there is a media bias in South Australia when it comes to our AFL...

Hills Hoist and Cask Wine sales data significantly correlated for some unknown reason

27 August, 2018

27 August, 2018

Statisticians and data analysts have been left completely baffled at the strongly correlated sales data of two South Australian icons....

Para Hills resident claims she’s from the Adelaide Hills

14 February, 2019

14 February, 2019

Seeking to up her social status and property value, Brittney Mounts of Para Hills has decided that her suburb counts...

Modbury man and Brighton woman begin long-distance relationship

3 May, 2019

3 May, 2019

Finding love isn’t always easy, but a couple from opposite sides of the city are trying to defy all odds...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: