15 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Theology states St Clair is the Patron Saint of Motor Vehicle Theft

DAN SCHMIDT

After minutes of research, religious scholars have uncovered that St Clair is the Patron Saint of Motor Vehicle Theft and Serious Criminal Trespass.

The “nicer” western Adelaide suburb named after the Saint truly continues to ensure her legacy lives on. Located right next to Athol Park and Woodville North, the newer St Clair estate is particularly enticing for those who may not have as much as the debt-ridden middle-class who live there.

Combined with a lack of off street parking for condensed townhouses, this has led to the Saint’s honour continuing throughout her namesake.

Theologians state it is believed the Saint performed three miracles in her time to obtain her Sainthood, these were:

  • Successfully turning right onto Port Road from Woodville Road without accidentally going down the wrong lane and facing oncoming traffic.
  • Attending the Pooch Park without some derro couple with an aggressive Staffy being there and ruining it for everyone else.
  • Actually finding a parking space at St Clair Village on the weekend without instigating a verbal argument.

This earned here the Sainthood, along with another local Saint, St Kilda, the Patron Saint of dangerous playgrounds and smelly mangroves.

Related Posts

(BOT ARTICLE) O-Bahn takes Caleb Bond to Chidda for Iced Coffee drink

14 December, 2020

14 December, 2020

NOTE: It’s the end of the year and we’re running out of ideas. So we decided to put every Adelaide...

Sober Sea & Vines patron can still hear DJ Ötzi’s Hey Baby in his ears

11 June, 2019

11 June, 2019

Having committed to a well-intentioned but poorly-timed ‘month off the turps’ Alsace Lorraine found himself as designated driver for this...

Salisbury mum returns to OTR to buy carton of ciggies with wheelbarrow full of shrapnel

5 January, 2019

5 January, 2019

After reportedly being denied being able to buy milk and bread with a few fifty cents pieces, the single mother...

Garden Grove erect giant windsock to capture free top soil in dust storm

19 September, 2019

19 September, 2019

Landscape supplier Garden Grove best known for their trucks smelling like manure and mistakenly being called Golden Grove Supplies have...

Adelaide man thinks shirt smelling like smoke is the biggest issue as hundreds flee homes

21 November, 2019

21 November, 2019

As residents of Yorke Peninsula have fled their homes overnight, only to hear this morning that their property is lost,...

Man considers moving after reading local Tea Tree Gully Facebook group

19 August, 2020

19 August, 2020

Less than 48 hours after joining the local community Facebook group “WHATS GOING ON IN TEA TREE GULLY”, lifetime North-East...

Theology states St. Agnes is the Patron Saint of filthy hangovers

8 December, 2020

8 December, 2020

After minutes of research, religious scholars have uncovered that St Agnes is the Patron Saint of absolutely rotten hangovers and...

MP Jon Gee caught pwning CS:GO noobs in parliament

1 August, 2019

1 August, 2019

Just a few days after being busted playing Solitaire during budget estimates, it seems the brazen member for Taylor, MP Jon...

Friend from Barossa corrects our pronunciation of ‘Tempranillo’ again

8 January, 2019

8 January, 2019

When Gerrand Deghard moved to Angaston in the Barossa Valley two months ago, he had never had a glass of...

OTR owners to install giant sun-blocking device over Adelaide

18 December, 2018

18 December, 2018

South Australia’s omnipotent overlords the Peregrine Corporation have proposed an eternal solution to guaranteeing demand for 24/7 convenience stores and...

Guy’s life definitely peaked in Year 5 when Deane Hutton picked him to help

16 April, 2020

16 April, 2020

Over twenty years years ago at Pennington Primary, the entire school had gathered to witness the grandest honour that could...

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

19 February, 2020

19 February, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated...

PAFC set to ban single-use plastic tarps

6 July, 2019

6 July, 2019

Renewing its commitment to sustainability, Port Adelaide Football Club today announced that they would be doing away with the single-use...

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

16 March, 2020

16 March, 2020

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: