28 May, 2022

Gepps Cross Home HQ responsible for 30% of SA divorces

DAN SCHMIDT

Researchers have found that nearly a third of all South Australian divorces can be contributed directly to a single source, the Gepps X Homemaker Centre.

It seems that many couples who venture into the incredibly poorly designed outlet will either leave fighting, angry, divorced, or perhaps even worse, with a bunch of shit from Harris Scarfe that they didn’t need anyway.

“We’ll just walk to the next shop.”

“No, it’s too far and hard to cross traffic, let’s drive.”

“No, let’s walk, the parking here sucks.”

“But I don’t want to walk back!”

“And I don’t want to be married any more!”

Whilst the allure of an array of household goods at regular retail prices all in one extremely vast place is enticing for young homeowners and other idiots, many shoppers don’t realise the immense toll that looking looking at flooring, furniture and whitegoods will have on a relationship.

Marriage experts recommend attending only on a full stomach and just picking the first thing you see that looks decent enough, much like you did when selecting a partner.

Related Posts

Ingle Farm shopping centre considering radical third Coles store

13 September, 2019

13 September, 2019

Following the success of the populist “A Chicken In Every Pot, Two Coles in Every Mall” plan, Ingle Farm Shopping...

Farmers Union releases Iced Coffee flavoured LPG Gas. Don’t ask why, just buy it.

15 October, 2021

15 October, 2021

Since launching the Iced Coffee flavoured doughnut, the team at Farmer’s Union have quickly realised that the majority of you...

All South Australian citizens are legally entitled to a portrait of Johnny Haysman

13 August, 2018

13 August, 2018

Johnny Haysman is arguably the most loved person in South Australia, if not the world. It’s said that he owns...

Lifetime Golden Grove resident still doesn’t know difference between Grove Way and Golden Way

30 September, 2020

30 September, 2020

Despite living at “World’s Best Address” for over thirty years, Dellfyn Targethill still struggles with basic geographical concepts in his...

OTR’s solution to unhappy customers: Get rid of the angry man button

3 December, 2019

3 December, 2019 1

Having grown annoyed at the constant stream of customers pushing the ‘angry’ button upon exit, OTR has moved to eliminate...

Ceduna resident extremely angry about Adelaide Park Lands development

9 April, 2019

9 April, 2019

Murat Thevenard of Ceduna is your average consumer of South Australia’s satirical newspaper, The Advertiser, he gets it delivered to...

Adelaide Crows reveal new Showdown guernsey

9 April, 2021

9 April, 2021

With the next Showdown announced to take place in round 8, the Adelaide Crows have revealed a new strip that...

Government announce second road race for December – Santa’s Tour Down Under

28 January, 2020

28 January, 2020

MATT FREEMAN Riding a wave of excitement from the Tour Down Under, the state government are set to add a...

Peter Van’s to close; Advertiser wonders how many more times it can use phrase “Party’s over”

24 January, 2020

24 January, 2020

As news emerged that Adelaide’s resident Party Man, Peter Van will be ceasing all partying come March, subeditors at satirical...

OPINION: Politicians never lie about sources of income, pizza bar workers could learn from them

24 November, 2020

24 November, 2020

SEBASTIAN BOLD On Friday last week, a politician was furious, absolutely furious that somebody in the state of South Australia...

FACT: It’s called “Emo Park” because it’s the most depressing place in Adelaide

9 October, 2020

9 October, 2020

The midwest pocket of Hindmarsh Square is certainly an interesting place. There’s a giant dead fish skeleton, a dodgy looking...

PAC old scholar furious at suggestion he went to Saints

10 September, 2018

10 September, 2018

An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed St Peter’s...

Advertiser finance editor absolutely qualified to review Fringe shows

4 March, 2019

4 March, 2019

As tightening budgets continue to put pressure on satirical newspaper The Advertiser’s shrinking newsroom, the annual festival season has once...

Ken Hinkley spotted scouting Tea Tree Gully over 35’s Masters team for better talent

2 April, 2022

2 April, 2022

After starting the season with three straight losses including a Showdown loss against a team who “can’t handball and can’t...

Nobody really sure if the Red Tins thing is sarcastic or not

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

From twenty-somethings happily sharing the same beer with their fathers to bar owners happily off-loading their surplus of West End...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: