An Italian cafe on The Parade has been pictured still displaying an award it won over 20 years ago in a fitting lack of acknowledgement of culinary developments since the early 2000s.
The cafe’s award for “Runner Up in the category of Eastern Suburbs Italian cafe hospitality, foamy coffee or defrosted cannelloni” was judged by a publication that has been out of print for over a decade.
The award-judging process involved freelance contributors to the local publication being told to compile a listicle using places that they think they recall visiting in a last-ditch attempt to stave off the ensuing Buzzfeed-ageddon that “is coming for all websites”.
However, the cafe’s owner insisted that the laminated certificate stays on the wall next to the faded photograph of John Platten dining at the cafe and an infographic explaining the difference between all the coffee types that the resident barista is unable to adequately make.
One smartarse customer suggested that the poster be updated to include the option of ‘burnt espresso drip tray run-off’, but was shouted out of the establishment.
Reviews online warn potential customers to expect an atmosphere akin to a regional Tasmanian budget airline terminal and to expect re-heated lasagne that is simultaneously burnt and frozen.
Owner of the cafe, Salvy Berlusconi, told Adelaide Mail that the food is “better than any of that rubbish you find on Peel Street.”
This publication can assume that the measure of good food is entirely contingent on the amount of continental parsley and balsamic glaze adorning any dish.
When asked about the cafe’s 1.8 star rating on TripAdvisor, Berlusconi told us that he “doesn’t trust computers and how could a computer review our restaurant anyway? Computers don’t have the mouth.”
