St Bernards Fruit & Veg guy doing all he can to help us feel no guilt about shopping at ALDI

TRENT BARTLETT

A Rostrevor-based internet fruit and vegetable salesman has continued his long-running efforts to boost the sales of multinational corporations. 

Captain Sundriedtomatodick, the owner of St Bernards Fruit & Veg (whose real name has been withheld to avoid litigation and whose fake name was coined by my twelve-year-old son) took to social media to alleviate any guilt South Australians might have been feeling about shopping at Woolworths, Coles or ALDI supermarkets.

In a typically high-concept video performance, Sundriedtomatodick is pictured driving his car over a poster supporting the referendum’s ‘Yes’ campaign. 

‘Oops easy daisy, me make mistake, me bash yes sign with car,’ said Sundriedtomatodick, laughing maniacally before continuing, ‘buy fruit from me is buy my values’.

In an earlier video piece, the social media auteur is pictured asking which of his staff members are vaccinated before sneezing into the mouths of those who respond ‘yes’. Sundriedtomatodick is heard repeating the phrases: “my body, my choice” and “you shop ALDI, you make poo pant”.

A since-deleted video shows Sundriedtomatodick scaring a kitten with a vacuum cleaner before pushing over a kindly old lady and stealing one of those Royal Society for the Blind dog-shaped donation boxes.

In each of the videos, Sundriedtomatodick is heard saying: ‘you buy local, you support me’.

Support for South Australian businesses is believed to be at an all-time low.