28 November, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Residents of Shithöle angered at being compared to Adelaide

The small village of Shithöle lies somewhere along the Eastern European poverty belt’s poverty belt, near the disputed border of Ukrastania. 

Not much ever happens in Shithöle, their public transport is unreliable, their dated hospitals are poorly run, unemployment is high, electricity is pricey and unreliable, the town tap water tastes strange, and bands always skip their village on Eastern European tours.

The generally complacent Shithöle townsfolk don’t mind these things much, and are usually happy living their quiet lives. However, as news has spread to the town about being compared to the city of Adelaide by Lucy Zelic, the residents now have something to be angered about.

As lady who commentates nil-all soccer draws for a living, Lucy Zelic clearly know what is dull and boring, so we agree when she say this about Adelaide, this true

‘We can’t not believe’, exclaimed town Mayor Stevonic Marshallski ‘yes, Shithole have a problem or dozen, but it not bad as Adelaide! How dare this football talking woman say Adelaide in Australia is like Shithöle’.

In a rare show of town-unification, Opposition Mayor Petronia Malonovskas agreed with the leader, stating ‘Yes, as lady who commentates nil-all soccer draws for a living, Lucy Zelic clearly know what is dull and boring, so we agree when she say this about Adelaide, this true. But then she say Adelaide like Shithöle? No no no!’

Mayor Stevonic Marshallski interjected and continued to tell us how Shithöle is superior to Adelaide, ‘Shithöle better in every way. Instead of Frog-Cakes we have Frog-Stew, better. Instead of O-Bahn we have Д-Bahn, it faster, better. Instead of iced-coffee we have iced-vodkee, this vodka and Nescafe in milk carton, better. Instead of West End we have East End, it poison, but still, better. Instead of The Advertiser we have nothing, much better’.

Mayor Mashallski then ended the interview as he had to go shopping at 10:00am on a Sunday, which is apparently completely normal in most parts of the world.

Related Posts

Sight of OTR toilet instantly cures man’s violent diarrhoea

7 December, 2018

7 December, 2018

After a week in Bali and a big ‘welcome home’ night with the boys, city construction labourer, Trey Dee, was...

Instead of going to The Show, kids simply empty mum’s wallet into bin

30 August, 2019

30 August, 2019

Katalina Glispers has countless fond memories of the Royal Adelaide Show as a child. From losing her two front teeth...

AdBlocker removes entire AdelaideNow website

22 July, 2019

22 July, 2019

As Gavin Alook was searching for an old news article about the time his school actually figured out what the...

Rob Lucas madly Googles ‘SA state-owned assets’ after GST writedown

17 December, 2019

17 December, 2019

A $474 million reduction in previously promised Commonwealth grants and GST revenue and has seen State Treasurer Rob Lucas resort...

Holden fan angry about Clipsal axing fails to see irony in delight for Tour Down Under axing

2 November, 2020

2 November, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT A Pooraka local dressed head-to-toe in heavily-sponsored and dated Holden Racing Team apparel has expressed his delight about...

Man on flight to Perth busted trying to take 55L of FUIC in carry on

27 February, 2019

27 February, 2019

Edwardstown man Pieter Goblettsen loves a Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee, so much so that he is said to have once...

Latest Georgina Downer anti-ALP advertisement seems legit

25 February, 2019

25 February, 2019

Despite the controversial first video starring a “concerned citizen” who just happened to be the previous State Director of the...

Power fan with ‘Est. 1870’ tattoo tells Crows fan to ‘stop living in past’

5 April, 2019

5 April, 2019

Albert Tonne is one of those ‘passionate’ Port Power fans, he attends most Power home games (unless it’s a little cloudy or...

Save big with your SAFM 107 Card at these places today!

27 March, 2019

27 March, 2019

Here at Adelaide Mail, we’ve got some pretty powerful friends in high places, which means our proverbial fingers are on...

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

Due to COVID-19 restrictions, Christmas Pageant postponed until at least September

16 June, 2020

16 June, 2020

It gets earlier every year, unless it doesn't.

Fewer baby girls being named ‘Elizabeth’ in South Australia compared to other states for unknown reason

30 May, 2018

30 May, 2018

Researchers for the University of Adelaide are completely baffled at the newly discovered abnormality of fewer females bearing the name...

Office worker finds any excuse to tell you that she did City To Bay

16 September, 2019

16 September, 2019

You don’t typically see Sarah from marketing at the office before 9am at best. And to see her away from...

Gran no longer needs to save her dollar coins for “laundry”

27 September, 2019

27 September, 2019

For the past twenty years grandmother Judice Freespins has been known to save every dollar coin she comes across for her...

Jase reckons he could have his own Fringe show, mates agree

18 February, 2019

18 February, 2019

After having watched exactly 275 minutes of stand up comedy in his life, Jason ‘Jase’ Breadhand became convinced of his...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: