4 February, 2023

To avoid confusion Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton / Penfold / St Bernards Road to get even more names

MATT FREEMAN

Adelaide’s single stretch of road with more names than any other, Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton / St Bernards / Penfold Road is to get even more names.

When the road(s) was first named, Adelaide wasn’t the bustling metropolis that is today, and it was believed that it would help give the impression of the city having many major roads. Now after heavy lobbying from the street sign manufacturing and satellite navigation industries, local councils are set to more than double the number of names given to this stretch of road.

Sat Nav Organisation of Telcos (SNOT) media manger, Wotstha Internette said, ‘Do you know, there are people in Adelaide who haven’t renewed their subscription to our services for over 20 years and never been lost? We really had to do something about it’.

Starting at the wealthy side of town, the top end of Penfold Rd will become Penfolds Grange, while the bottom end will be renamed Penfolds Club Tawny Rd.

“Newton Rd will be split into two, New Newton Rd and O.G. Newton Rd”

St Bernards Rd will be renamed Cocker Spaniels Rd to reflect the constant land subdivision in the area, where it would never be suitable for a St Bernard to live. However, selected locations will keep the St Bernards Rd name.

Campbelltown councillor, Hector Veale said ‘Any local business that has St Bernards in its name, will  retain their current address to avoid confusion’, and also added that ‘Newton Rd will be split into two, New Newton Rd and O.G. Newton Rd. We’re hoping to attract some travelers from the other side of town who might confuse O.G. Newton Rd with the O.G. O.G. Rd’.

Darley Rd will retain its name for its entirety except for the last 100 metres which will be named Warning You Are Heading North Of The River Rd, to aid all those people in the Campbelltown council who think they live in the eastern suburbs.

Likewise Sudholz Rd will retain its name for the majority of its length, except outside the  Holden Hill Police Station, which will be renamed Sergeant Sudholz Rd. When approached for comment, the Sergeant on duty said, ‘I know nothing’, a reference we millennials didn’t quite get.

The start of Walkleys Rd will be renamed Lock Your Daws Rd due to the proximity to the prison, while the Salisbury council has arranged sponsorship for the northern end at Ingle Farm to be renamed Coles Rd.

And just like the road, this story ends abruptly leaving you thinking ‘Oh, is that it?’

Related Posts

Kid who asked for “Leggo” getting a jar of pasta sauce from South Aussie Santa

10 November, 2020

10 November, 2020

As November begins it means that our department stores and suburban shops are soon to be filled with Santas (actually,...

Adelaide poaches Open Mouth Kissing Strangers You’ve Just Met Festival from Victoria

7 September, 2020

7 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT In news that has been sitting on our desk for years, but we never got around to writing...

Private school alumni excited for not watching cricket season

20 October, 2020

20 October, 2020

As football season has wrapped up for the state of South Australia, the attention of Adelaide’s private school alumni turns...

Humphrey B Bear says cancel culture has killed opportunities for mute, pantsless bears on TV

22 March, 2021

22 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Australia’s most famous boater hat-wearing anthropomorphic bear has broken his decades-long silence to add to the chorus of...

North Adelaide Roosters announce 78 co-captains

4 February, 2019

4 February, 2019

Following suit of the State’s AFL clubs and following their key to success, excess, North Adelaide Football Club have decided to...

We interviewed the wrong Rob Lucas about the State Budget, but at least now we know what a Boilermaker does

22 June, 2021

22 June, 2021

With the release of the South Australian State Budget, Adelaide Mail scrambled to find a way to speak with Treasurer...

Ceduna resident extremely angry about Adelaide Park Lands development

9 April, 2019

9 April, 2019

Murat Thevenard of Ceduna is your average consumer of South Australia’s satirical newspaper, The Advertiser, he gets it delivered to...

Chronically late coworker still using Clipsal as excuse for being late

25 March, 2019

25 March, 2019

In what is becoming a true stretch of coworkers’ patience, Donald Thermium has continued to cite ‘Clipsal’ as an excuse...

Midnight Pharmacy seriously gives no fucks anymore

28 February, 2019

28 February, 2019

What was once an innovative practice for the early 2000’s, in an age where South Australian pharmacies were banned from...

Two hour line to smell putrid flower proves there’s still heaps to do in Adelaide

10 January, 2023

10 January, 2023

Sydney may have the Harbour, Melbourne may (wrongly) have the Formula One, and Perth may have whatever it is they...

Adelaide Built Submarines To Be Compatible With O-Bahn Tracks

16 September, 2021

16 September, 2021

With a new fleet of South Australian built nuclear-powered submarines announced this morning, one sub-clause (get it?) has gone under...

New RAH carpark awarded Adelaide’s most challenging escape room

18 January, 2019

18 January, 2019

Escape rooms have rapidly become all the rage with teenagers, lame corporate offices, and small groups of weird tight-knit friends...

Pandemic revealed to be just another classic gotcha call that got out-of-hand

17 May, 2020

17 May, 2020

Everybody loves a prank, right? From children on YouTube staging murders to brands pretending that they’re selling a new product...

Business who still hasn’t added 8 to phone number probably shonky

18 October, 2019

18 October, 2019

A television and VCR repair shop on Goodwood Road in Adelaide’s inner south is staring the wind of change in...

Regional dad wears Akubra at Adelaide Airport just to flex on these city slickers

23 October, 2019

23 October, 2019

Nothing gives Bruce Jolliswagmen greater joy than getting to showcase how he comes from a regional area in the form of...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: