15 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

4 hour parking limit very optimistic about people’s desire to spend their time at Colonnades

DAN SCHMIDT

One of Adelaide’s southern suburbs shopping and smoking centres has come under scrutiny around its imposed parking limit times.

Colonnades shopping centre, home of a soon to be closed Rivers store and far too many Employment Services Providers, has imposed a 4 hour parking limit, when in reality nobody would ever want to voluntarily spend this amount of time at the centre.

Look, we all know the deal with Colonnades. You don’t go unless you have to, get in, avoid eye contact at all costs, get out, return to your keyed car, text your loved ones saying you’re safe, all done as quickly as possible.

Nobody wants to be there for 4 hours. Hell, nobody wants to be there for 4 minutes. The only time when people spend more time at the centre than is absolutely necessary is when they’re walking by the K-Mart entrance just that little bit slower to hear the rest of some bogan’s really loud phone conversation where he’s threatening to smash someone.

In reality, the parking limit at Colonnades should be until your car is stolen. Which, during peak times of the year, can be considerably less than 4 hours.

Related Posts

State Government to reduce suburban Adelaide to one bus route

20 January, 2019

20 January, 2019

In a bid to increase efficiency across Adelaide’s struggling suburban bus network, the State Government has moved to remove all...

Calm down mate, it’s Monarto, not Zimbabwe

10 January, 2019

10 January, 2019

Equipped with the most expensive DSLR and biggest telescopic lens Ted’s Cameras had in stock, Gavin Numpty of Murray Bridge...

Ardrossan jetty regulars can spot these city slickers a mile away

13 January, 2020

13 January, 2020

When Goodwood couple Kate and Darren Bovril decided they fancied a nice, peaceful day catching some crabs, they were convinced...

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

22 November, 2019

22 November, 2019

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online...

Adelaide Mail calendars just 12 pictures of Tea Tree Plaza done in MS Paint

23 October, 2020

23 October, 2020

Because we haven’t figured out how to put an annoying paywall on this site and our website domain renewal is...

Move over Mods! This wrestler’s changing his name to Ian Perrie in tribute of the OTHER Crows legend

29 October, 2020

29 October, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Earlier this week it was revealed that a WWE wrestler had changed his name to that of former...

New “DogKeeper” package grants people $10,000 in Dogs Dollars for rent or Smirnoff Double Blacks

27 July, 2020

27 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT As South Australia grapples with the ongoing economic impact of COVID-19, the Federal Government has moved to stimulate...

The Advertiser returns to 100% satire following April Fools’ prank

2 April, 2019

2 April, 2019 1

It is a publication that has always gone to great lengths to get a laugh from South Australians. From the...

South Australia officially changing State slogan to “So what High School did you go to?”

17 September, 2018

17 September, 2018

Since discontinuing “The Festival State”, the South Australian Slogan Association (SASA) has decided on a new official state slogan after...

Power fan with ‘Est. 1870’ tattoo tells Crows fan to ‘stop living in past’

5 April, 2019

5 April, 2019

Albert Tonne is one of those ‘passionate’ Port Power fans, he attends most Power home games (unless it’s a little cloudy or...

New digital Adelaide Metro bus arrival signs to be installed pre-broken

3 October, 2018

3 October, 2018

In an effort to increase efficiency and reduce complaints, Adelaide Metro will be installing their new digital signs at transit...

Royal Adelaide Show Cancelled: Who will judge Nan’s knitted Golliwogs now?

14 April, 2020

14 April, 2020

DAN SCHMIDT News has broken that the Royal Adelaide Show has been cancelled for the fifth time in history. Previously...

Turns out Flagstaff Road was just an elaborate prank on motorists from the northern suburbs

30 September, 2020

30 September, 2020

As South Australia gears itself to farewell the last of its reversible roads, the state’s Minister for One-Way Roads, Hovercraft...

“Emo Park” rebrands as “Ska Park” in attempt to brighten reputation

3 October, 2019

3 October, 2019

The north-western pocket of Hindmarsh square has always been a strange place. Along with being home to what was awarded...

Rundle Mall buskers now allowed to expand their repertoire beyond Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’

17 December, 2018

17 December, 2018

In a controversial move, the Adelaide City Council has agreed to a trial period where buskers can perform songs that...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: