30 November, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

4 hour parking limit very optimistic about people’s desire to spend their time at Colonnades

DAN SCHMIDT

One of Adelaide’s southern suburbs shopping and smoking centres has come under scrutiny around its imposed parking limit times.

Colonnades shopping centre, home of a soon to be closed Rivers store and far too many Employment Services Providers, has imposed a 4 hour parking limit, when in reality nobody would ever want to voluntarily spend this amount of time at the centre.

Look, we all know the deal with Colonnades. You don’t go unless you have to, get in, avoid eye contact at all costs, get out, return to your keyed car, text your loved ones saying you’re safe, all done as quickly as possible.

Nobody wants to be there for 4 hours. Hell, nobody wants to be there for 4 minutes. The only time when people spend more time at the centre than is absolutely necessary is when they’re walking by the K-Mart entrance just that little bit slower to hear the rest of some bogan’s really loud phone conversation where he’s threatening to smash someone.

In reality, the parking limit at Colonnades should be until your car is stolen. Which, during peak times of the year, can be considerably less than 4 hours.

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