3 December, 2023

Wayville man applies for JobKeeper over lost car park income

MATT FREEMAN

With the cancellation of the Royal Adelaide Show, a Wayville family of five have all applied for the government’s JobKeeper allowance to compensate them for the loss of income from their temporary Rose Terrace front yard car park.

Family patriarch Lorne Carr said ‘Sure, I’ve saved about $2,000 in not having to get the grass re-laid, but think of the children, this is where they get their Royal Show spending money from. What are they going to do this year? They can’t go out and get jobs, the oldest one is 9’.

Carr went on ‘It’s not just about the money either, it’s a great experience for the kids, the youngest was about to have her first year of being a valet and moving the cars around’.

We then offered Carr the opportunity to retract his comments about his less than legal activities, but he responded with ‘No way. I want my money, and I’ve got a great headline for you’. It was then that he started screaming “Show me the JobKeeper money!”.

After thanking him for his headline we said that we will try to force it in somewhere near the end of the story if he’ll stop with his painful Tom Cruise impersonation. He did not, but we also didn’t have enough to pad this story out any way.

Related Posts

Frequent Marion shopper develops sophisticated algorithm to avoid charity workers

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Rosaline Baker, 56, of Warradale enjoys nothing more than a good shopping spree at nearby Westfield Marion. It’s local, convenient...

Protesters storm Tea Tree Plaza Caffe Primo demanding return of $9.90 meals

8 January, 2021

8 January, 2021

Thousands of South Australian patriots have shown up at Caffe Primo to demand the return of the $9.90 meal special,...

All South Australian citizens are legally entitled to a portrait of Johnny Haysman

13 August, 2018

13 August, 2018

Johnny Haysman is arguably the most loved person in South Australia, if not the world. It’s said that he owns...

Bloke in bucket hat heads straight to Maslins bushes for some reason

8 November, 2019

8 November, 2019

A Gawler man has confounded onlookers upon his arrival at Adelaide’s Maslin Beach, appearing wearing a bucket hat, long pants...

“Our one mistake was not charging more for a thickshake” – 50SixOne

1 March, 2020

1 March, 2020

With the business in the hands of liquidators and its three remaining stores now closed, the owners of 50sixone have...

Cunningham’s Warehouse guy comes out of retirement to spruik OTR petrol

21 October, 2021

21 October, 2021

With premium petrol prices rising to $2 a litre this week, Geoff Winter, the 1990’s South Australian variety store commercial...

Premier Pete gets right onto fixing the ramping issues

22 March, 2022

22 March, 2022

South Australia’s new Premier has wasted absolutely no time acting upon his promise of fixing the ramping issues. However, it...

Satirical news site runs out of TV commercials to rank, now completely out of ideas

29 May, 2020

29 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT South Australia’s second favourite source of fake news has been revealed for the sham that it is, with...

Dad definitely not afraid of climbing Big Rocking Horse, just thinks you’d have more fun without him

30 June, 2022

30 June, 2022

Dad of two, Don White-Nubalince from Modbury, took his children to their quarterly “non-pay-week activity” last weekend. After narrowly avoiding...

South Australia’s Top 10 WAGS

11 January, 2021

11 January, 2021

As a news outlet run by two men, we at the Adelaide Mail find nothing more enjoyable and appropriate than...

Dover Gardens man with a cold ends up in taxi to Novar Gardens

14 October, 2019

14 October, 2019

After leaving after-work Friday drinks in the city early because they were feeling a little under the weather, Al Lurgey...

Kid who asked for “Leggo” getting a jar of pasta sauce from South Aussie Santa

10 November, 2020

10 November, 2020

As November begins it means that our department stores and suburban shops are soon to be filled with Santas (actually,...

Farmers Union releases Iced Coffee flavoured LPG Gas. Don’t ask why, just buy it.

15 October, 2021

15 October, 2021

Since launching the Iced Coffee flavoured doughnut, the team at Farmer’s Union have quickly realised that the majority of you...

Gays Arcade forced to change name after experts confirm it’s more of a mall

12 July, 2019

12 July, 2019

The LGBTQIA community (Laneway, Galleria, Business, Trader, Quickie-Mart, Independent retailer, and Arcade) are rejoicing as experts have changed the name...

LEAKED: Shortlist of Port Adelaide’s other proposed new logos

15 October, 2019

15 October, 2019

Following the unveiling of Port Adelaide Football Club’s new logo commemorating the club’s 23rd year anniversary, Adelaide Mail can reveal...

Comments

Leave a Reply