27 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

State Government to reduce suburban Adelaide to one bus route

In a bid to increase efficiency across Adelaide’s struggling suburban bus network, the State Government has moved to remove all but one bus route across the entirety of the city and its suburbs.

Whilst drastic, Minister for Buses, Jogging and Sleepwear Dormand Jackfruit defends the move saying the change will allow for a more reliable bus service.

Who catches the bus anyway, that’s for poor people

‘This is just the next logical step in making a more efficient public transport system for all South Australians…or at least those South Australians within walking distance of the 401 bus route,’ Jackfruit told the Mail.

The remaining bus route will service the area between Paralowie and Salisbury. When asked about plans to extend the route toward the city and beyond, the minister responded with a firm ‘no’, saying that people will move to areas serviced by the bus routes.

‘We read reports about all of those “ghost buses” driving through the streets in the early hours of the morning and we were compelled to act. I, for one, am terrified of ghosts. And the Liberal Party has a very clear position on ghosts, ghouls and all other supernatural beings’.

‘When it comes to public transport we can make this pledge: while Labor might be happy to have your streets overrun with ghost, ghoul and goblin buses, there will be no supernatural public transport on the streets of Adelaide under a Liberal government’, Jackfruit asserted.

‘Also, who catches the bus anyway, that’s for poor people’.

Related Posts

Bazza the Bunyip statue becomes target of protesters for his “complicity in colonising Murray”

25 June, 2020

25 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Murray Bridge’s monument to the mythical Murray River creature Bazza the Bunyip has become the latest statue to...

People somehow shocked when Liberal govt starts privatising everything

17 May, 2019

17 May, 2019

With the state government looking for novel and opportunistic ways to deliver on pre-election fiscal promises, several key pieces of...

Single bloke on Kangaroo Island killing it on Tinder this week

1 November, 2018

1 November, 2018

What a week it has been for Steve Bachelor, 34, of Kangaroo Island. ‘It gets pretty hard dating in regional...

OTR revise plans for HQ after helipad complaints; Now it’s just a giant Monty Python foot stomping on the eastern suburbs

3 March, 2020

3 March, 2020

Our omnipotent overlords at Peregrine Corporation have signalled that they’re ready to negotiate on plans for a new head office...

Ingenious Toolie crudely changes 13 to 18 on his Year 12 jumper

25 November, 2018

25 November, 2018

In a surprisingly genius move, particularly from a Modbury High graduate, 23 year old Sam ‘Zombie’ Zommers has pulled off...

Adelaide Oval Christmas Pageant limited to only 25,000 bagpipers

22 September, 2020

22 September, 2020

A 90 percent reduction on previous years.

Lifetime Golden Grove resident still doesn’t know difference between Grove Way and Golden Way

30 September, 2020

30 September, 2020

Despite living at “World’s Best Address” for over thirty years, Dellfyn Targethill still struggles with basic geographical concepts in his...

170kg Clapham man favourite for Bay Sheffield after being handed 105m handicap

28 December, 2018

28 December, 2018

Cuddly giant Kade Gypsum has steamed ahead as the bookies’ favourite for the iconic Bay Sheffield foot race after being...

We don’t care about the AFL GF, we have something even better…the Northern Districts U12s finals

1 September, 2020

1 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT With the centrepiece of footy in Australia set to head north to Australia’s centre of footy, Brisbane, South...

South Australian banned from returning to Adelaide from Victoria Square

31 July, 2020

31 July, 2020

Alrighty. Strap yourselves in readers, because with a headline like that, this is surely going to be a pretty poor...

City resident can’t go twenty minutes without telling someone they live in the CBD

15 October, 2018

15 October, 2018

Even after months after moving into her new South Terrace apartment, Ebony Higgs of Adelaide, continues to remind everyone of...

2003 Seaford High graduate wears Year 12 jumper to commemorate the year he peaked

8 June, 2018

8 June, 2018

As he once again donned the faded maroon sweatshirt for a trip to the shops, Ryan Govern, 33, reminisced about...

Culturally significant South Australian historical artifact uncovered

21 January, 2021

21 January, 2021

A piece of South Australian history has been uncovered in the Adelaide suburbs. The historically significant find sheds light on...

Greenhills Adventure Park equipment repurposed for new ‘Greenhill Road Adventure Park’

1 February, 2019

1 February, 2019

After closing over two years ago, Victor Harbor’s biggest attraction and insurance liability Greenhills Adventure Park will have a new...

Rob Lucas thanks Tammy from MyBudget for her assistance this week

5 September, 2018

5 September, 2018

Preparing his first budget in over 17 years, Treasurer Lucas wasn’t really sure where to start. ‘Yeah, it was a...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: