16 April, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

State Government to reduce suburban Adelaide to one bus route

In a bid to increase efficiency across Adelaide’s struggling suburban bus network, the State Government has moved to remove all but one bus route across the entirety of the city and its suburbs.

Whilst drastic, Minister for Buses, Jogging and Sleepwear Dormand Jackfruit defends the move saying the change will allow for a more reliable bus service.

Who catches the bus anyway, that’s for poor people

‘This is just the next logical step in making a more efficient public transport system for all South Australians…or at least those South Australians within walking distance of the 401 bus route,’ Jackfruit told the Mail.

The remaining bus route will service the area between Paralowie and Salisbury. When asked about plans to extend the route toward the city and beyond, the minister responded with a firm ‘no’, saying that people will move to areas serviced by the bus routes.

‘We read reports about all of those “ghost buses” driving through the streets in the early hours of the morning and we were compelled to act. I, for one, am terrified of ghosts. And the Liberal Party has a very clear position on ghosts, ghouls and all other supernatural beings’.

‘When it comes to public transport we can make this pledge: while Labor might be happy to have your streets overrun with ghost, ghoul and goblin buses, there will be no supernatural public transport on the streets of Adelaide under a Liberal government’, Jackfruit asserted.

‘Also, who catches the bus anyway, that’s for poor people’.

Related Posts

Wayville Physio still recovering from closure of Mad Mouse

31 August, 2018

31 August, 2018

It’s been over a decade since the closure of Adelaide’s iconic roller-coaster the ‘Mad Mouse’, but the financial impacts can still...

Adelaide Crows eyeing off homesick Victorian with first ever #1 pick at AFL draft

4 July, 2020

4 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT The Adelaide Crows are looking to the future, with the club seeking to wrap up their first ever...

Terrified Glynde residents flee after active volcano discovered in area

15 May, 2020

15 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Residents of the inner north-eastern suburb of Glynde are reportedly fleeing the area in droves after an active...

Bloke in bucket hat heads straight to Maslins bushes for some reason

8 November, 2019

8 November, 2019

A Gawler man has confounded onlookers upon his arrival at Adelaide’s Maslin Beach, appearing wearing a bucket hat, long pants...

MIRACLE: PM somehow manages to make our Premier seem like a good leader

6 January, 2020

6 January, 2020

In perhaps his finest achievement of his Prime Ministership to-date, Scott Morrison has pulled off a selfless miracle, sacrificing his...

Adelaide Mail announces new subscriber-only service Adelaide Mail Premium

1 April, 2020

1 April, 2020

It is with great excitement that the team at Adelaide Mail announces the next phase in our journey. Wall-to-wall paywalls...

Bowden plant sale customer will definitely keep them alive this time

6 May, 2019

6 May, 2019

Serial houseplant murderer Juniper Cortisol may have a track record in buying and subsequently killing all of her previous houseplants,...

PAFC set to ban single-use plastic tarps

6 July, 2019

6 July, 2019

Renewing its commitment to sustainability, Port Adelaide Football Club today announced that they would be doing away with the single-use...

“Stop all these bloody Adelaide city highrises” says Willunga resident

1 August, 2018

1 August, 2018

Gerald Manser, 62, of Willunga has had enough of CBD development. On his yearly trip to the city for a...

Hollywood Plaza just happy to make the news for something that isn’t an armed robbery

17 November, 2020

17 November, 2020

As the Parafield COVID cluster tracing focuses on more locations in the northern suburbs, one venue has taken this as...

Man leverages home equity to pay for son’s frog cake addiction

2 February, 2019

2 February, 2019

Being a single parent is never easy financially, especially when you have a ten-year-old son eating upwards of three Balfours...

MP Jon Gee caught pwning CS:GO noobs in parliament

1 August, 2019

1 August, 2019

Just a few days after being busted playing Solitaire during budget estimates, it seems the brazen member for Taylor, MP Jon...

‘You can’t pay off COVID fines using free drink cards’, Zhivago owners told

20 July, 2020

20 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT After copping thousands of dollars in fines for breaking COVID-19 restrictions, the owners of Zhivago have been told...

Scottish town opens “South Aussie’s Motel” with giant statue of Darren Jarman

9 February, 2021

9 February, 2021

On the outskirts of Glasgow, the small Scottish town of McDundee has returned the South Australian reverence to Scotland with...

SA Water announce new Adelaide theme park ‘Burst Water Main World’

8 August, 2019

8 August, 2019

In an attempt to diversify revenue streams ahead of its probable privatisation, SA Water has revealed plans to open its...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: