29 September, 2022

Bloke in bucket hat heads straight to Maslins bushes for some reason

A Gawler man has confounded onlookers upon his arrival at Adelaide’s Maslin Beach, appearing wearing a bucket hat, long pants and open button-up shirt before heading straight for the beach’s secluded bushes for some reason.

Though the curiously-clad beachgoer quickly shed his shirt, his unbuttoned cargo pants remained around his waist as he made a beeline for the beach’s sand dunes and what seemed to be a designated spot for single, middle-aged men in bucket hats.

Turns out he was just having a wank

Although we have been unable to confirm the reason for the man’s visit to the sand dunes’ bushes, witnesses have been speculating. 

‘I think he was probably geocaching, or maybe Pokemon Go’, says one befuddled (and uncomfortably well-tanned) Maslin visitor.

‘I’ve heard that the secluded bushes down here are harbouring a rare Pachirisu, so that probably explains why he had his phone out and also why he was sweating so much’.

Another Maslins regular told Adelaide Mail that she thinks he was probably just a nature photographer looking for the perfect vantage point. Meanwhile, one Maslin Beach resident has a different idea.

‘He was having wank’, said Viktor Svidetel in broken English before our reporters admonished him for swearing at a family-friendly beach. Honestly, have some respect for your fellow beachgoers.

Editor’s note: Turns out he was just having a wank.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Next 8 hours of office chat reserved for ‘that weather last night’

19 August, 2020

19 August, 2020

When the most interesting thing to happen to the typical office employee between the hours of 5pm and 9am is...

Top two levels “still as exciting as ever” say Myer Centre management

12 April, 2019

12 April, 2019

In a bid to entice more people into an ageing, largely vacant shopping centre, the management of the Myer Centre...

Suburb of Devon Park to be renamed Fritz Park

7 January, 2019

7 January, 2019

In an act of South Australian patriotism, a successful campaign by residents has led to the inner north suburb of...

Urgent health alert issued for anybody who visited PJ’s on a Thursday in the mid-2000s

4 August, 2020

4 August, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT People who visited an Irish-themed Adelaide city pub on a Thursday night after 9pm in the mid-2000s are...

South Australian unreasonably smug watching Queenslanders lose their minds over plastic bag ban

5 July, 2018

5 July, 2018

Sometimes you just have to rub your hands together and look on with glee at the failures of those other,...

Looming end of winter great news for cable tie manufacturers

15 August, 2019

15 August, 2019

The looming end of Adelaide’s winter signifies two things for most South Australians: re-emerging from your house at night after...

Confused F1 fan arrives in Albert Park, SA ahead of Grand Prix

14 March, 2019

14 March, 2019

Lanyard Boystongue didn’t know what to expect upon arriving in Adelaide ahead of the 2019 Australian Formula One Grand Prix....

China finds crafty solution to Baby Formula problem

26 November, 2019

26 November, 2019

With the aftermath of 2008’s Chinese milk scandal still looming over parents’ minds across the country, one Chinese company has...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Haigh’s still trying to make the Easter Bilby a thing, it’s not going to be a thing

23 March, 2021

23 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Long after every other Australian had forgotten about the ill-fated attempt at introducing Easter Bilbies as a thing...

COMPROMISE FOUND: SA Govt to install new tram that ONLY turns right

20 November, 2018

20 November, 2018

After months of deliberation, studies and costings, Transport Minister Stephan Knoll announced on Sunday that the right-hand turn for trams...

Gotcha! New Transport Minister doesn’t even know figure of cars driven on O-Bahn each week

13 April, 2022

13 April, 2022

With the Federal Election campaign heating up, lazy journalists are continuing to try and catch out politicians for not knowing...

Karen no longer knows how to threaten local businesses without Today Tonight

27 November, 2019

27 November, 2019

LET ME SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!: This morning as Clarence Gardens facebook-mum of two Karen Decrows, 43, set off for...

Woman scurries from David Jones building to avoid that hand cream guy

25 November, 2019

25 November, 2019

A Torrensville woman has aborted her first attempt at Christmas shopping for the year after being chased out of the...

Adelaide Mail launches new kids’ alternate news service “Below The News”

4 February, 2022

4 February, 2022

South Australian children have grown tired of being pushed a constant mainstream narrative by the Adelaide produced “Behind The News”...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: