Several Adelaide convenience stores have been temporarily shut down for illegally selling vapes, following what authorities are describing as a “lengthy and sophisticated investigation” involving officers walking into the stores and having a look around.
Inspectors from the Association for the Regulation of Smoking and E-Cigarettes (ARSE) uncovered the covert operation by using such cutting-edge enforcement tools as “reading signs” and “asking politely for a vape”.
One store owner named Nordstrom Cigarello, who wished to remain anonymous, subeditor, please remove the name before going to print, told us that the laws unfairly target stores simply because of a law “I was happy to continue pretending didn’t exist.”
“And what about all the other products we sell that are going to leave a massive hole for our local community,” Cigarello of Marlborough St, Fulham Gardens continued, please also remove his address before going to print.
“What’s going to happen when local residents need a $14 can of Prime Energy Drink from a half-empty fridge or a selection of what would seem to be far too many varieties of chewing gum?”
The shuttered stores are set to be replaced by as-yet-unfirebombed tobacconists.
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