17 January, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Haggle guy reckons he could still get a Caffe Primo meal for $9.90

Dan Schmidt

Despite not having a $9.90 menu or the iconic South Australian television commercial for several years, there is one person who feels he could still rock up to any Caffe Primo and land a classic deal.

South Australia’s self-crowned king of the haggle, Vafa Barterolli, let the Adelaide Mail in with the exclusive bargaining secrets he will employ in an attempt to get a moderately reduced dinner.

‘When it comes to the haggling mantra, timing is everything. First off, it’s important to go in at the end of the month. Like car salesmen and whitegoods retailers, I assume the teenage wait staff at the restaurant have monthly sales targets and will be desperate to hit them, which will let me walk away with a steal. Second hot tip, go in at the end of the night, they’re going to want to get rid of stock cheap before the next day’s delivery comes. Third, in my mind, end of financial year bargains don’t just apply to office stationery and last season’s clothing, it definitely also applies to food, probably. Now come on, I’m going to show you boys a lesson’.

See, they really want that sale. Shmucks here I tell ya’. We’ve got them right where we want them, boys

With that, Vafa invited us to dine with him at the Tea Tree Plaza Caffe Primo at 9pm on Sunday the 30th of June to see this “master of the barter” (he told us several times to make sure we wrote that down) in action. 

Sitting down as most diners were finishing their dessert, we were instructed by Vafa not to look at the menu at all. ‘Don’t show even the slightest bit of interest in the food. Implying you’re happy to look elsewhere to invest your money is a smart move that will get them to bring out their best offers’.

When sharply urged by the waiter 45 minutes later that we had to order now as the kitchen was closing and staff wanted to go home, Vafa quipped to us ‘See, they really want that sale. Shmucks here I tell ya’. We’ve got them right where we want them, boys’.

We spent the next half hour watching Vafa in his element trying every haggling trick in the book attempting to get a $9.90 Penne Alla Panna. Everything from “I know the owner” and “My cousin works here” to “Don’t you know who I am?” and “Come by the Parafield store tomorrow and I’ll hook you up with the best deal on a rug in town” were dropped in conversation between various Haggle Co jingles being recited.

Eventually, with both parties admitting defeat, and the waiter somewhat enticed by a cheap Persian hall-runner, Vafa and the waiter finally settled on the Shop-A-Docket Pizza Special with some leftover garlic bread that we’re pretty confident came from another table.

Not one to show any loss, Vafa Barterolli concluded ‘Another haggling triumph! Look, in the end, I couldn’t get them down to the classic $9.90, but my bartering efforts definitely weren’t wasted. I didn’t even have the Shop-A-Docket voucher! And just on the down-low, they gave me this free takeaway pancake. Pretty good, hey? I’m pretty sure not every customer gets that, although mine does seem to be topped with what seems like a mix of golden syrup and saliva. Now, who’s keen to kick on? You’ve learnt the art of the haggle, so I reckon you could get us some 30 cent softserve cones from the Ridgehaven Hungry Jacks’.

We didn’t.

Related Posts

Office worker finds any excuse to tell you that she did City To Bay

16 September, 2019

16 September, 2019

You don’t typically see Sarah from marketing at the office before 9am at best. And to see her away from...

Man calling a ‘parmi’ a ‘parma’ rightfully run out of town

21 March, 2019

21 March, 2019

Jolkeep Johnton thought that he was masking his innate Victorian-ness well, he would pronounce the word ‘graph’ with an almost...

Plans for Adelaide Hills Theme Park ‘Magic Mount Lofty’ announced

22 March, 2019

22 March, 2019

The Adelaide Hills Council have announced development plans for a ‘new’ theme park at the state’s most popular hiking destination...

New SA tourism campaign just a 5 day live stream of weeping widow

2 September, 2019

2 September, 2019

South Australia’s tourism commission has unveiled a new marketing concept that is equal parts depressing and long, the two key...

Power fans start pretending they always follow SANFL

20 September, 2019

20 September, 2019

With the Port Adelaide Magpies facing off against Glenelg in the SANFL Grand Final this weekend, Port Power fans will...

Funding cuts to State mental health services great news for ShitAdelaide admins

3 June, 2019

3 June, 2019

With the State Government (not surprisingly) cutting funding for key mental health services across the state, hospital workers, inpatient units...

What the hell is East Terrace’s deal, anyway?

29 July, 2019

29 July, 2019

For all the plaudits paid to South Australia’s most famous drawer of grids Colonel William Light, nobody has ever bothered...

Sydney mate won’t shut up about the size of our pint glasses

31 January, 2019

31 January, 2019

In an act of mental gymnastics usually only displayed by whoever our current Prime Minister is, our mate Dan from...

Thousands of Port fans call in 'sick’, empty office chairs everywhere tarped

13 May, 2019

13 May, 2019

Thousands of Port Power fans from around the state have chucked a sickie today, knowing full well they are incapable...

Old-Face filter somehow makes Graham Cornes look younger

18 July, 2019

18 July, 2019

In the most popular internet craze since the Running Man challenge, the FaceApp ‘Old Face Selfie Challenge’ is sweeping the...

Magic Cave now just a ‘Magic 3 x 4 metre room’

19 November, 2018

19 November, 2018

Budget cuts and declining sponsors have hit the Magic Cave hard this year, with Santa and his entire grotto allocated...

Suburb of Paradise hit with false claims lawsuit

15 January, 2019

15 January, 2019

The north-eastern suburb of Paradise has found itself in legal trouble with a class action lawsuit being filed by thousands...

Man actually chooses to sit in this seat

26 April, 2019

26 April, 2019

With the vast majority of city commuters taking this week off, Kramdin Numpteedu of Klemzig has had his fair share...

CBD co-workers from opposite sides of city pretend to know where each other live

5 October, 2018

5 October, 2018

As Harry North and Belinda Southeast sat down for lunch at their CBD workplace, conversation turned to the weekend and...

Aspiring Magic Cave Father Christmas will probably settle for Parabanks gig again

26 October, 2018

26 October, 2018

For professional shopping centre Father Christmas Claude St Velcro, it’s become a case of take what you can get. Every...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: