6 July, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Haggle guy reckons he could still get a Caffe Primo meal for $9.90

Despite not having a $9.90 menu or the iconic South Australian television commercial for several years, there is one person who feels he could still rock up to any Caffe Primo and land a classic deal.

South Australia’s self-crowned king of the haggle, Vafa Barterolli, let the Adelaide Mail in with the exclusive bargaining secrets he will employ in an attempt to get a moderately reduced dinner.

‘When it comes to the haggling mantra, timing is everything. First off, it’s important to go in at the end of the month. Like car salesmen and whitegoods retailers, I assume the teenage wait staff at the restaurant have monthly sales targets and will be desperate to hit them, which will let me walk away with a steal. Second hot tip, go in at the end of the night, they’re going to want to get rid of stock cheap before the next day’s delivery comes. Third, in my mind, end of financial year bargains don’t just apply to office stationery and last season’s clothing, it definitely also applies to food, probably. Now come on, I’m going to show you boys a lesson’.

See, they really want that sale. Shmucks here I tell ya’. We’ve got them right where we want them, boys

With that, Vafa invited us to dine with him at the Tea Tree Plaza Caffe Primo at 9pm on Sunday the 30th of June to see this “master of the barter” (he told us several times to make sure we wrote that down) in action. 

Sitting down as most diners were finishing their dessert, we were instructed by Vafa not to look at the menu at all. ‘Don’t show even the slightest bit of interest in the food. Implying you’re happy to look elsewhere to invest your money is a smart move that will get them to bring out their best offers’.

When sharply urged by the waiter 45 minutes later that we had to order now as the kitchen was closing and staff wanted to go home, Vafa quipped to us ‘See, they really want that sale. Shmucks here I tell ya’. We’ve got them right where we want them, boys’.

We spent the next half hour watching Vafa in his element trying every haggling trick in the book attempting to get a $9.90 Penne Alla Panna. Everything from “I know the owner” and “My cousin works here” to “Don’t you know who I am?” and “Come by the Parafield store tomorrow and I’ll hook you up with the best deal on a rug in town” were dropped in conversation between various Haggle Co jingles being recited.

Eventually, with both parties admitting defeat, and the waiter somewhat enticed by a cheap Persian hall-runner, Vafa and the waiter finally settled on the Shop-A-Docket Pizza Special with some leftover garlic bread that we’re pretty confident came from another table.

Not one to show any loss, Vafa Barterolli concluded ‘Another haggling triumph! Look, in the end, I couldn’t get them down to the classic $9.90, but my bartering efforts definitely weren’t wasted. I didn’t even have the Shop-A-Docket voucher! And just on the down-low, they gave me this free takeaway pancake. Pretty good, hey? I’m pretty sure not every customer gets that, although mine does seem to be topped with what seems like a mix of golden syrup and saliva. Now, who’s keen to kick on? You’ve learnt the art of the haggle, so I reckon you could get us some 30 cent softserve cones from the Ridgehaven Hungry Jacks’.

We didn’t.

Related Posts

Rail shutdown somehow leads to more punctual tram and train services

21 August, 2019

21 August, 2019

With commuter rail services shut down over two days in order to let transport workers attend mandatory meetings, Adelaide commuters...

Dover Gardens man with a cold ends up in taxi to Novar Gardens

14 October, 2019

14 October, 2019

After leaving after-work Friday drinks in the city early because they were feeling a little under the weather, Al Lurgey...

2001 Golden Grove High graduate still using the word ‘Gug’

2 January, 2019

2 January, 2019

Over 17 years since barely graduating from Golden Grove, Richard Mahogany of Greenwith continues to utilise obscure and almost obsolete...

Despite claims, study finds drinking Red Tins not actually ‘best end of the day’

15 August, 2018

15 August, 2018

Contradicting the old long-standing South Australian state slogan ‘The best end of the day, is the West End of the...

People somehow shocked when Liberal govt starts privatising everything

17 May, 2019

17 May, 2019

With the state government looking for novel and opportunistic ways to deliver on pre-election fiscal promises, several key pieces of...

Adelaide once again ranked as top Australian capital city alphabetically

15 June, 2018

15 June, 2018

For the 182nd year running, Adelaide has continued to shine as our nation’s top ranking capital city when ordered from A to Z.

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

Johnny Haysman eats 2kg bag of sugar in attempt to gain YouTube subscribers

6 March, 2019

6 March, 2019

In an attempt to appeal to a younger market and beat the YouTube algorithm, local eccentric Adelaide legend John Haysman...

170kg Clapham man favourite for Bay Sheffield after being handed 105m handicap

28 December, 2018

28 December, 2018

Cuddly giant Kade Gypsum has steamed ahead as the bookies’ favourite for the iconic Bay Sheffield foot race after being...

Local livestreamed gigs to be replaced with livestreamed pokie rooms

8 April, 2020

8 April, 2020

With the coronavirus shutting down the city’s remaining live music venues, bands have begun turning to the internet to live...

Man successfully connects to AdelaideFree wifi network

5 November, 2018

5 November, 2018

In what has been described as a once in a lifetime technological phenomenon, city worker Simon Line has defied astronomical...

Adelaide Uni Law student splits RM Williams boots across 3 transactions after forgetting dad’s credit card PIN

9 August, 2018

9 August, 2018

A first-year University of Adelaide law student has been dealt the embarrassing blow of dipping into his own savings to...

Greenhills Adventure Park equipment repurposed for new ‘Greenhill Road Adventure Park’

1 February, 2019

1 February, 2019

After closing over two years ago, Victor Harbor’s biggest attraction and insurance liability Greenhills Adventure Park will have a new...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: