5 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

14 year old comedic genius invents the nickname “Colon Aids”

A Hackham West teenager has taken Adelaide’s southern suburbs by storm after creating a hilarious crude nickname for Colonnades shopping centre.

Jackson Goldsmith, a former part-time student at Wirreanda, has become a local cult comedy hero since renaming Colonnades to “Colon Aids”, to the point where his fame has become so overwhelming that he must continue to no longer attend school.

Speaking on-site with Adelaide Mail reporters who just happened to already be at the Colonnades Tavern at 9:30am on a Tuesday, a heavily disguised Jackson told us of his creative process.

‘Well, I was just hanging out at Colonnades, listening to some Aussie hip-hop on my phone speaker in the Green Area, when I looked up to the sign and, much like a premonition, it just came to me’.

“I can’t believe nobody has thought of it until now!”

Word of Jackson’s clever pun spread throughout Adelaide’s southern suburbs much alike the methamphetamine epidemic and soon people were asking for more comedy gold.

‘I can’t believe that nobody has ever thought of it before’, said Jackson ‘Clearly I have some sort of affinity with southern suburbs comedy. That’s why next year I’ll be performing a whole 90 minutes of comedy with my new show “Souf Stand-Up” at the Adelaide Fringe’.

‘Here’s a little example’, said Jackson clearing his throat ‘What’s the deal with Hackham? More like “Crackham” if you ask me….And anyway, what is the deal with Noarlunga “Kiss and Ride”, I’m not talking about the train station, that’s just what I call my bedroom, ladies’.

‘So yeah, that’s pretty much all I’ve got’, said a confident Jackson ‘I’ll probably write more closer to the date to fill the time out’.

Jackson has now taken a role as a journalist for Adelaide Mail.

Related Posts

City dads mourn the closure of their sole fashion source

17 February, 2020

17 February, 2020

Dads from around Adelaide have gathered to pay silent tribute to their sole source of clothing and style advice following...

State Government to reduce suburban Adelaide to one bus route

20 January, 2019

20 January, 2019

In a bid to increase efficiency across Adelaide’s struggling suburban bus network, the State Government has moved to remove all...

Old mate looking for roast buffet ends up at new CBD hospital

30 January, 2020

30 January, 2020

An event that can only be described as “not newsworthy at all” (even for Adelaide Mail standards) occured in the...

Despite their name, these things are pretty shithouse at jumps

12 March, 2020

12 March, 2020

Adelaide city has been flooded with hundreds of bright red e-bikes over the past week as Uber “Jump” launched a...

Looming end of winter great news for cable tie manufacturers

15 August, 2019

15 August, 2019

The looming end of Adelaide’s winter signifies two things for most South Australians: re-emerging from your house at night after...

OTR owners on-track to own literally everything ever created

23 October, 2018

23 October, 2018

South Australia’s omnipotent overlords the Peregrine Corporation have doubled down on their bid to stage a hostile takeover of all...

BMW X5s return to Burnside after annual migration to Pt Elliot shacks

4 January, 2019

4 January, 2019

An annual migratory flight of eastern suburbs quasi-four wheel drives is nearly over for another year as the final straggling...

New Adelaide bar without a neon sign probably doomed

11 September, 2019

11 September, 2019

It’s in a prime location and serves the best cocktails in a welcoming environment, but something is missing at Adelaide’s...

Calm down mate, it’s Monarto, not Zimbabwe

10 January, 2019

10 January, 2019

Equipped with the most expensive DSLR and biggest telescopic lens Ted’s Cameras had in stock, Gavin Numpty of Murray Bridge...

Bloke in bucket hat heads straight to Maslins bushes for some reason

8 November, 2019

8 November, 2019

A Gawler man has confounded onlookers upon his arrival at Adelaide’s Maslin Beach, appearing wearing a bucket hat, long pants...

Superloop gives up, starts referring to itself as ‘Clipsal’

21 February, 2019

21 February, 2019

Before the first Superloop 500 event has even started, the company behind the naming rights has reportedly already given up...

Could’ve been more specific, say mates meeting at ‘Shit Norwood Cafe’

12 November, 2019

12 November, 2019

A pair of old friends who had arranged to catch up at ‘That shitty Italian place on The Parade’ are...

Local pisshead really enjoying this ‘Dry July’ so far

3 July, 2019

3 July, 2019

Regency Park resident and drunkard Al Koholic has had a fantastic, albeit technically wrong, start to the popular ‘Dry July’ campaign. ‘When...

170kg Clapham man favourite for Bay Sheffield after being handed 105m handicap

28 December, 2018

28 December, 2018

Cuddly giant Kade Gypsum has steamed ahead as the bookies’ favourite for the iconic Bay Sheffield foot race after being...

South Australians tipped to consume $3bn worth of Zooper Doopers today

24 January, 2019

24 January, 2019

While many today will be doing their best to not think about just how high the mercury is expected to...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: