26 May, 2022

Johnny Haysman eats 2kg bag of sugar in attempt to gain YouTube subscribers

In an attempt to appeal to a younger market and beat the YouTube algorithm, local eccentric Adelaide legend John Haysman has eaten a large bag of white sugar.

The somewhat disturbing video is over 3 hours long, and features John Haysman wearing a pink cowboy hat and lime speedo ensemble, whilst tucking into the bag of sugar with what appears to be a tablespoon. In the background the “Johnny, Johnny” nursery rhyme plays on repeat.

Johnny finishes the bag of sugar, and the video, with a graceful bow, before presumably heading to the emergency department

Haysman really starts strong within the first five minutes of the video, managing to down a spoonful almost every second. However, after the initial burst, it gets a little sad. Johnny appears to become physically and mentally exhausted, breathing heavily as he slowly downs each spoonful of sugar. By the 3 hour mark, Johnny is continually shouting “No Papa! No Papa!” whilst visibly shaking.

Johnny finishes the bag of sugar, and the video, with a graceful bow, before presumably heading to the emergency department.

The YouTube video has attracted 127 views. Haysman hopes this number grows so the advertisement monetisation can pay for his insulin.

Editor’s note: In all seriousness, Johnny Haysman does have a YouTube channel, and it is glorious. We’re not “telling lies”

Related Posts

AFP raids Adelaide Mail offices only to find Xavier Minniecon

5 June, 2019

5 June, 2019

One year after publishing a damning exposé on the existence of the fictional suburb Kingswood, Australian Federal Police officers have...

8 Common Phrases Only Adelaide People Will Understand

7 August, 2021

7 August, 2021

These are SUCH Adelaide phrases.

Tea Tree Plus prepares for Christmas rush, expecting up to 27 shoppers each day

21 December, 2021

21 December, 2021

Tea Tree Plus, Modbury’s third best shopping centre, is the the lesser known and frequented sister shop of Tea Tree...

Man leverages home equity to pay for son’s frog cake addiction

2 February, 2019

2 February, 2019

Being a single parent is never easy financially, especially when you have a ten-year-old son eating upwards of three Balfours...

Oh no! Someone confused “Emo Park” with “Emu Park”, let a bunch of emus loose and now it’s even worse

3 December, 2021

3 December, 2021

Adelaide’s most depressing piece of parkland has seen more mayhem than usual today, with an unexpected yet understandable mix-up resulting...

City resident can’t go twenty minutes without telling someone they live in the CBD

15 October, 2018

15 October, 2018

Even after months after moving into her new South Terrace apartment, Ebony Higgs of Adelaide, continues to remind everyone of...

Adelaide Mail launches new kids’ alternate news service “Below The News”

4 February, 2022

4 February, 2022

South Australian children have grown tired of being pushed a constant mainstream narrative by the Adelaide produced “Behind The News”...

Truckie was just holding out for cheaper fuel price

31 October, 2019

31 October, 2019

A truck driver that caused massive delays on the downtrack of the SE Freeway remains convinced that he made the...

Christopher Pyne quits politics to spend more time doing what he loves

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In a coup for Adelaide Mail readers, outgoing Federal Defence Minister Christopher Pyne has revealed what his plans are for...

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

16 March, 2020

16 March, 2020

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat...

Gran no longer needs to save her dollar coins for “laundry”

27 September, 2019

27 September, 2019

For the past twenty years grandmother Judice Freespins has been known to save every dollar coin she comes across for her...

Thousands of Port fans call in ‘sick’, empty office chairs everywhere tarped

13 May, 2019

13 May, 2019

Thousands of Port Power fans from around the state have chucked a sickie today, knowing full well they are incapable...

Kane Cornes called us a thief just because we broke into his house and stole stuff

13 February, 2020

13 February, 2020

Now, we’re not ones to typically use this platform to air grievances about petty disputes with our fellow K-grade Adelaide...

You can visit Red Square this weekend! (And by ‘Red Square’ we mean some ginger nerd)

20 May, 2020

20 May, 2020

With news breaking that pubs will not commence reopening until June, there are still plenty of ways to have fun...

Fringe ends, Arj Barker once again cryogenically frozen for 11 months

23 March, 2022

23 March, 2022

After another successful Adelaide Fringe Festival for our FIFO comedians, many ore once again returning to their cryogenic freezers until...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: