25 November, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Desperate for a vaccine, people start lining up for Shotz like it’s 2005

As the world scrambles to find a vaccine for COVID-19, desperate and clearly confused South Australians are looking for anywhere that will offer them shots.

Unfortunately, due to poor search engine skills and wide-spread fake news about the virus (which to be honest, we are probably somewhat partially to blame) a queue has formed outside of the permanently closed Shotz Nightclub on Pirie Street.

This has then inadvertently led to a resurgence of the local Emo scene, with ageing Emo fans squeezing into their now even tighter black jeans and busting out some studded wristbands. Seeing a line form reminiscent of the early 2000’s, many now middle aged emo-kids have joined the queue and are hoping for the reintroduction of $1 happy hour beers that always tasted a bit like soap and getting on the city’s stickiest dancefloor.

Speaking to one frazzled community member she stated ‘Well I just Googled “Shots Adelaide” and I came straight here, no time to read the further details. But I think I’m in the right place, because everyone in line is talking about this new chemical they must have developed, Chemical Romance or something’.

Editor’s note: We sincerely apologise for this article, it is quite possible the worst one we’ve ever written, and we’ve written some really shit ones. We will try again tomorrow, but can’t promise it will be any better.

Also, best Shotz songs from back in the day:
Rancid – Time Bomb and Ruby Soho
Blink-182 – Dammit
The Cure – Love Cats

Taking Back Sunday – MakeDamnSure
Kaiser Chiefs – I Predict A Riot
My Chemical Romance – I’m Not Okay
Dexy’s Midnight Runners – Come On Eileen
Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out

I’m sure we’re missing some, but damn we used to get messy at that place.

Related Posts

South Australians tipped to consume $3bn worth of Zooper Doopers today

24 January, 2019

24 January, 2019

While many today will be doing their best to not think about just how high the mercury is expected to...

New “DogKeeper” package grants people $10,000 in Dogs Dollars for rent or Smirnoff Double Blacks

27 July, 2020

27 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT As South Australia grapples with the ongoing economic impact of COVID-19, the Federal Government has moved to stimulate...

MP Jon Gee caught pwning CS:GO noobs in parliament

1 August, 2019

1 August, 2019

Just a few days after being busted playing Solitaire during budget estimates, it seems the brazen member for Taylor, MP Jon...

Torrens NYE “just as good as Darling Harbour” says cash-strapped dad

30 December, 2018

30 December, 2018

Following intensive rallying by his two sons calling for a new year’s eve trip to Sydney, Walton Erudite has made...

Adelaide Fashion Festival just showcasing whatever is on sale at Harris Scarfe

20 October, 2018

20 October, 2018

The State’s leading fashion event is currently underway in Adelaide, with designers, runway models, socialites, and critics flying in from...

Office worker finds any excuse to tell you that she did City To Bay

16 September, 2019

16 September, 2019

You don’t typically see Sarah from marketing at the office before 9am at best. And to see her away from...

Adelaide Mail’s Greatest SA Jingle Ever!

25 April, 2020

25 April, 2020 1

We need to settle this once-and-for-all: what is South Australia’s greatest ever jingle? We’re torn in all directions, between car...

Local livestreamed gigs to be replaced with livestreamed pokie rooms

8 April, 2020

8 April, 2020

With the coronavirus shutting down the city’s remaining live music venues, bands have begun turning to the internet to live...

“South Boy” reckons Christies is heaps rougher than Smithfield

25 February, 2020

25 February, 2020 1

Despite never having travelled north of Prospect, Witton Huntfield of Christies Beach firmly believes that Adelaide’s southern suburbs are far...

Fewer baby girls being named ‘Elizabeth’ in South Australia compared to other states for unknown reason

30 May, 2018

30 May, 2018

Researchers for the University of Adelaide are completely baffled at the newly discovered abnormality of fewer females bearing the name...

The real puzzle is how nobody died

6 August, 2019

6 August, 2019

What was once South Australia’s answer to Disneyland, the theme-park and scrap-metal haven of Puzzle Park now sadly remains abandoned...

“SA wind farms to blame for Murray-Darling crisis, probably” – Morrison

14 January, 2019

14 January, 2019

Stand-in Prime Minister Scott Morrison has lobbed the political football squarely toward South Australia’s wind farms for the growing Murray-Darling...

Garden Grove erect giant windsock to capture free top soil in dust storm

19 September, 2019

19 September, 2019

Landscape supplier Garden Grove best known for their trucks smelling like manure and mistakenly being called Golden Grove Supplies have...

Adelaide Mail announces new subscriber-only service Adelaide Mail Premium

1 April, 2020

1 April, 2020

It is with great excitement that the team at Adelaide Mail announces the next phase in our journey. Wall-to-wall paywalls...

Woman updates LinkedIn profile to include climbing Big Rocking Horse certificate

23 January, 2019

23 January, 2019

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Melanie Yearling of Birdwood doing whatever she can to enhance her LinkedIn profile for...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: