24 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Empty Port Adelaide shed makes way for empty apartment building

The State Government has stepped into the ring in a fight over a historic shed in Port Adelaide, overruling a potential heritage listing to make way for a new housing development.

The state’s heritage council had been pushing to have the abandoned shed protected as a heritage building, citing the building’s importance in ‘capturing in essence, the precise cocktail of Port Adelaide’s awful looks, diminished relevance and depressing atmosphere’, according to a press release.

The State Government is not in the business of indiscriminately destroying heritage buildings. We save the indiscriminate destruction for workers’ rights and the public service

However, State Minister for Heritage, Business and Suit Alterations Ken Cotswald von Cotswald assured Adelaide Mail that the site is earmarked for an equally depressing apartment block.

‘The State Government is not in the business of indiscriminately destroying heritage buildings. We save the indiscriminate destruction for workers’ rights and the public service’, Cotswald von Cotswald said.

‘However, the economic case for the development was simply too strong. The builders have taken into account the importance of the feeling of complete abandonment in Shed 26. That’s why the State Government has sought a guarantee that the building will never be any more than 6% occupied. We call it the “Newport Quays” policy’.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Boomer at work despite flu to ensure he can insult vegan fest attendee

28 October, 2019

28 October, 2019

While Adelaide’s vegans may be recovering from a weekend spent at Rundle Park’s Vegan Festival, one local boomer has dashed...

Bloke ordering a Halal Snack Pack at Adelaide yiros shop might as well be speaking another language

31 January, 2020

31 January, 2020

A tourist visiting from Sydney’s Newtown has confounded the owner of a North Adelaide yiros shop by attempting to order...

Two die, one completes entire med degree queuing at Pt Elliot bakery

30 April, 2019

30 April, 2019

For the third time in as many years, wait times at a popular bakery in south coast retirement village Port...

Old mate looking for roast buffet ends up at new CBD hospital

30 January, 2020

30 January, 2020

An event that can only be described as “not newsworthy at all” (even for Adelaide Mail standards) occured in the...

Identically-dressed gang members terrorising Schoolies with Jesus talk

23 November, 2019

23 November, 2019

A terrifying new youth gang, reportedly referring to themselves as ‘The Green Team’ are already striking fear into the hearts...

Lucy Cornes confronts Martin Scorsese for stealing that Goodfellas tracking shot from her

10 February, 2020

10 February, 2020

Founder of digital marketing agency She Digital and self-described ‘Spiritual Being’ Lucy Cornes has taken to social media to accuse...

Local numpty goes to new Royal Adelaide Hospital just to have a look around

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

Despite having no current health issues, John Duffle of Windsor Gardens has made his fourth trip to the new Royal...

Instead of going to The Show, kids simply empty mum’s wallet into bin

30 August, 2019

30 August, 2019

Katalina Glispers has countless fond memories of the Royal Adelaide Show as a child. From losing her two front teeth...

Could’ve been more specific, say mates meeting at ‘Shit Norwood Cafe’

12 November, 2019

12 November, 2019

A pair of old friends who had arranged to catch up at ‘That shitty Italian place on The Parade’ are...

New Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee merchandise instantly sells out of 5XL sizing

27 June, 2019

27 June, 2019

With Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee desperately trying to target the insta-millennial market with their new line of merchandise, the new...

Pray for Kane: Cornes forced to scrap next six months of story ideas

4 September, 2019

4 September, 2019

Kane Cornes’s media career has been thrown into disarray after Adelaide Crows co-captain Taylor Walker announced that he will be...

Sight of OTR toilet instantly cures man’s violent diarrhoea

7 December, 2018

7 December, 2018

After a week in Bali and a big ‘welcome home’ night with the boys, city construction labourer, Trey Dee, was...

Burnside SUV driver will definitely only be five minutes in the loading zone

20 July, 2018

20 July, 2018

Burnside stay-at-home daughter Jacinta Hyacinth was caught short this morning on her usual coffee meet with the girls at trendy...

Local pisshead really enjoying this ‘Dry July’ so far

3 July, 2019

3 July, 2019

Regency Park resident and drunkard Al Koholic has had a fantastic, albeit technically wrong, start to the popular ‘Dry July’ campaign. ‘When...

Road workers bored with South Road, add some sick jumps to Blackwood roundabout instead

17 July, 2020

17 July, 2020

F**K IT FRIDAY: For generations road “workers” have been “working” on South Road in a quest to make some sort...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: