6 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Breaking: PAC old scholar forgets to write ‘PAC’ in Tinder bio

In a devastating oversight that is already proving costly to his romantic chances ahead of Valentine’s Day, Sebastian Anglosaxon has failed to include the obligatory notation of elite private school education in his tinder biography.

The omission has left Anglosaxon confused about a dearth of dating app ‘matches’ given his usual luck with the opposite sex. The Adelaide Mail believes that the old scholar has no knowledge of the oversight as yet.

It’s not like I’m not interesting, my photos show that I work at a very exclusive law firm, dad’s. I drink wine, wear RMs, how much more do they want?

‘I don’t get it’, says Anglosaxon, ‘zero matches, me! Zero matches? I mean, these girls know I went to PAC don’t they? It’s pretty unfair if they don’t. I want to be judged on merit, not on my looks’.

When asked to clarify what he meant by ‘merit’ Sebastian responded ‘you know, merit…the fact I went to a private school’.

‘It’s not like I’m not interesting, my photos show that I work at a very exclusive law firm, dad’s. I drink wine, wear RMs, how much more do they want? I bet it’s because they don’t see my last name on Tinder. I should really make my first name my last name on there’.

Our interview was cut short by Anglosaxon telling us that he needs to get back to ‘the hustle’. When asked to clarify what he meant by ‘hustle’ he told us ‘I’m suing ShitAdelaide about a meme that they posted. They reckon it’s just a generic private school kid meme, but I’m pretty sure it’s about me’.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Dads all over Adelaide angry that you fiddled with the air conditioner temperature

19 December, 2019

19 December, 2019

Sure, it’s been hot in Adelaide these past few days. But that doesn’t mean you have to be fiddling around...

Victor Harbor opens new Youth Centre for local adolescents aged 55-70

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

In an attempt at engaging the region’s younger demographic, Victor Harbor has launched a hip new hangout for residents born...

Colour blind uni student argues superiority of green and white cafe

5 October, 2019

5 October, 2019

A colour blind University of Adelaide arts student has found himself in an overly heated argument about the relative virtues...

All South Australian citizens are legally entitled to a portrait of Johnny Haysman

13 August, 2018

13 August, 2018

Johnny Haysman is arguably the most loved person in South Australia, if not the world. It’s said that he owns...

Bloke asking ‘Which Freeway do you mean?’ definitely not from here

5 November, 2019

5 November, 2019

A motorist who stopped at a Glen Osmond Road service station for directions to the closest mechanical likeness of a mythical...

Desperate $5 Fringe show now accepting AfterPay

13 March, 2019

13 March, 2019

Photo credit: Abi Skipp Following several weeks of lower-than-expected ticket sales, the Garden of Unearthly Delights’ cheapest ticketed show — The...

90% of new Mortal Kombat movie just CCTV footage from Hindley Street

16 May, 2019

16 May, 2019

Adelaide is set to become a key piece of cinematic history, with the long-awaited follow-up to 1995’s Mortal Kombat to...

To avoid confusion Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton / Penfold / St Bernards Road to get even more names

14 January, 2020

14 January, 2020

MATT FREEMAN Adelaide’s single stretch of road with more names than any other, Walkleys / Sudholz / Darley / Newton...

90s Toyota Commercial still killing it at every SA Caravan Park

29 November, 2019

29 November, 2019

The 20th annual Caravan Recreation Area Park comedy awards were held at Lake Bonney last weekend, with one classic comedy...

SA called ‘Beggar State’ by Senator literally begging for money on GoFundMe

14 November, 2018

14 November, 2018

NSW Senator David Leyonhjelm has described South Australia as a “beggar state” that should be thrown out of the Australian...

Mental health advocate lodges complaint over use of ‘Mad March’

5 March, 2019

5 March, 2019

In an unsurprising turn of events, a university academic with too much time on his hands over the summer break...

Kent Town resident drives length of North Terrace without being stopped

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Dwayne Hoff of Kent Town could not believe his luck last Wednesday afternoon. As he hopped in his car to meet friends at “The Deli” in Thebarton, little did he know what was in store for him.

Guy who hasn’t been to the Casino in 15 years can’t wait to play that horse racing game again

20 January, 2020

20 January, 2020

It’s been nearly fifteen years since Whyalla man Mitch Brokeslad has ventured on down to Adelaide, but an invitation to...

Maybe let’s also discuss changing the name of “Blackfellows Creek”

26 January, 2020

26 January, 2020

With discussions of changing the date of Australia Day firing up once again, some South Australians are focusing their energy...

The real puzzle is how nobody died

6 August, 2019

6 August, 2019

What was once South Australia’s answer to Disneyland, the theme-park and scrap-metal haven of Puzzle Park now sadly remains abandoned...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: