14 May, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Breaking: PAC old scholar forgets to write ‘PAC’ in Tinder bio

In a devastating oversight that is already proving costly to his romantic chances ahead of Valentine’s Day, Sebastian Anglosaxon has failed to include the obligatory notation of elite private school education in his tinder biography.

The omission has left Anglosaxon confused about a dearth of dating app ‘matches’ given his usual luck with the opposite sex. The Adelaide Mail believes that the old scholar has no knowledge of the oversight as yet.

It’s not like I’m not interesting, my photos show that I work at a very exclusive law firm, dad’s. I drink wine, wear RMs, how much more do they want?

‘I don’t get it’, says Anglosaxon, ‘zero matches, me! Zero matches? I mean, these girls know I went to PAC don’t they? It’s pretty unfair if they don’t. I want to be judged on merit, not on my looks’.

When asked to clarify what he meant by ‘merit’ Sebastian responded ‘you know, merit…the fact I went to a private school’.

‘It’s not like I’m not interesting, my photos show that I work at a very exclusive law firm, dad’s. I drink wine, wear RMs, how much more do they want? I bet it’s because they don’t see my last name on Tinder. I should really make my first name my last name on there’.

Our interview was cut short by Anglosaxon telling us that he needs to get back to ‘the hustle’. When asked to clarify what he meant by ‘hustle’ he told us ‘I’m suing ShitAdelaide about a meme that they posted. They reckon it’s just a generic private school kid meme, but I’m pretty sure it’s about me’.

in Life, News
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