30 July, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Magic Cave now just a ‘Magic 3 x 4 metre room’

Budget cuts and declining sponsors have hit the Magic Cave hard this year, with Santa and his entire grotto allocated a smaller space than ever before.

‘It seemed much bigger when I was a kid’ commented almost every parent upon exiting the ‘cave’ this year, ‘why I remember a huge ferris wheel, a massive toy display, and acres of vacant space, mum used to pack a daily ration supply, extra water and a few handheld CB radios for the annual journey’ attested one mother.

We’ve been shrinking it slightly every year, and we’re nearly at the point where we can’t make it any smaller

When questioned as to whether the size of the Magic Cave had decreased in recent years, David Jones spokesperson, Abbey Dahsery stated ‘absolutely, maintaining an unused empty cave of that size for 11 months of the year is simply not viable for us, the canaries alone were costing us a fortune’.

‘In 2014 we did attempt to make it our crockery section from January to November, but Maxwell William plates just didn’t look great covered in a quarry like dust.’

Abby continued ‘so we’ve been shrinking it slightly every year, and we’re nearly at the point where we can’t make it any smaller’, Abbey continued  ‘we believe as of 2020, it will be known as the “Magic section of the Menswear Department”’.

in Life, News
Related Posts

PAC old scholar furious at suggestion he went to Saints

10 September, 2018

10 September, 2018

An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed St Peter’s...

New reality TV series to be set in Barossa – “Tanundacover Boss”

5 February, 2021

5 February, 2021

As more commercial television content continues to be produced locally, there is one new series that certainly begs the question...

Yatala Vale resident tired of explaining it’s nowhere near the prison

14 February, 2020

14 February, 2020

A resident of Yatala Vale, a picturesque semi-rural suburb in Adelaide’s outer north-east, is fed up being asked if she...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

Courteous paperboy throws Messenger right next to recycle bin

13 September, 2018

13 September, 2018

Loading up the milkcrate strapped to the front of his BMX each Wednesday after school, Jackson DeGoris prepares for his...

Mr. Bankrupt gets 200th consecutive daily COVID test after waking up with a sore throat again

2 December, 2020

2 December, 2020

The once successful ever-failing businessman Mr. Bankrupt has once again gone to a COVID-19 testing site after waking up with...

Ridgehaven Hungry Jack’s bushes heritage listed

22 February, 2021

22 February, 2021

Finally joining the likes of South Australian icons such as Popeye and Wayne Weidemann’s Mullet, the row of street facing...

BREAKING: Modbury Hospital still a really fugly building

19 July, 2021

19 July, 2021

With news of a positive COVID-19 case in the North-East suburbs, we hope that it is fully vaccinated against the...

EXCLUSIVE: Turns out that worm from The Book Place was actually played by a giant tapeworm

10 July, 2020

10 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Here’s a nostalgia hit for kids who grew up in the 90s, remember the Bookworm? He was that...

Neo-nazis get wires crossed, end up at St Kilda Adventure Playground

6 January, 2019

6 January, 2019

When Salisbury’s resident neo-nazis Morgan Dolkhatch and Barry “Knuckles” Mudflap found out about an upcoming rally of right wing extremists...

Turns out Flagstaff Road was just an elaborate prank on motorists from the northern suburbs

30 September, 2020

30 September, 2020

As South Australia gears itself to farewell the last of its reversible roads, the state’s Minister for One-Way Roads, Hovercraft...

“Never doubted ‘em” says Crows fan who chopped up membership after his seats were moved for 2021

20 March, 2021

20 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Former Adelaide Football Club member Jesper Cantankeron maintains that his faith in his footy club never wavered, despite...

Supercars drivers somehow all leave The Bend on retail traineeship wages

9 May, 2021

9 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Supercars drivers will leave South Australia following this weekend’s race at The Bend looking forward to a bright...

Bloke ordering a Halal Snack Pack at Adelaide yiros shop might as well be speaking another language

31 January, 2020

31 January, 2020

A tourist visiting from Sydney’s Newtown has confounded the owner of a North Adelaide yiros shop by attempting to order...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: