8 May, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Magic Cave now just a ‘Magic 3 x 4 metre room’

DAN SCHMIDT

Budget cuts and declining sponsors have hit the Magic Cave hard this year, with Santa and his entire grotto allocated a smaller space than ever before.

‘It seemed much bigger when I was a kid’ commented almost every parent upon exiting the ‘cave’ this year, ‘why I remember a huge ferris wheel, a massive toy display, and acres of vacant space, mum used to pack a daily ration supply, extra water and a few handheld CB radios for the annual journey’ attested one mother.

When questioned as to whether the size of the Magic Cave had decreased in recent years, David Jones spokesperson, Abbey Dahsery stated ‘absolutely, maintaining an unused empty cave of that size for 11 months of the year is simply not viable for us, the canaries alone were costing us a fortune’.

‘In 2014 we did attempt to make it our crockery section from January to November, but Maxwell William plates just didn’t look great covered in a quarry like dust.’

Abby continued ‘so we’ve been shrinking it slightly every year, and we’re nearly at the point where we can’t make it any smaller’, Abbey continued  ‘we believe as of 2025, it will be known as the “Magic section of the Menswear Department”’.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Man finds great joy in not letting car cut in Main North Rd & Fitzroy Tce right turn lane

30 January, 2023

30 January, 2023

Manningham resident, Moe Trist, has reportedly once again taken delight in the only thing that makes his morning commute tolerable....

Historians confirm Ice Arena’s hire skates date back to Huronian ice age, still awaiting their first sharpening

17 October, 2025

17 October, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT Carbon dating has revealed that the hire skates available at Thebarton’s Ice Arena skating rink date back to...

Gawler line revealed to have nation’s lowest headphones-to-phone ratio

8 October, 2019

8 October, 2019

A new study has revealed that Adelaide’s northernmost train line leads the country in instances of mobile phones playing loud,...

OPINION: Politicians never lie about sources of income, pizza bar workers could learn from them

24 November, 2020

24 November, 2020

SEBASTIAN BOLD On Friday last week, a politician was furious, absolutely furious that somebody in the state of South Australia...

P-Plater fined for NOT doing burnout at Golden Grove Hungry Jack’s Drive-Thru

25 February, 2021

25 February, 2021

The day after a man has been arrested for doing a burnout at a southern suburbs Hungry Jack’s, another similar...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

Archaeologists baffled by discovery of ancient relic in Ingle Farm Shopping Centre

4 January, 2023

4 January, 2023

TRENT BARTLETT Though widely known as Adelaide’s “local place for fashion”, Ingle Farm Shopping Centre also plays host to some...

Gawler line passenger set for great day after altercation-free commute

17 October, 2018

17 October, 2018

Startling footage has emerged from a security camera on-board an Adelaide-bound Gawler train this morning showing an entirely incident-free trip....

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

8 February, 2019

8 February, 2019

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even...

Mental health advocate lodges complaint over use of ‘Mad March’

5 March, 2019

5 March, 2019

In an unsurprising turn of events, a university academic with too much time on his hands over the summer break...

Barnacle Bill showbag already starting to smell

2 September, 2025

2 September, 2025

It has only been one week since William Cruztayzion made the financial misdeed of attending the Royal Adelaide Show with...

Wayne Weidemann’s glorious mullet immortalised in bronze statue

11 September, 2019

11 September, 2019

Never a city to be outdone by Melbourne, today Adelaide unveiled it’s very own bronze statue in response to Tayla...

Lucindale starts with the clingy texts after a one night stand

17 September, 2019

17 September, 2019

As the dust settles in the usually quiet town in our State’s South-East and life starts to return to normal,...

Government shocked when video of weeping man doesn’t encourage tourists to flock to SA

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

A baffling marketing campaign featuring an elderly man weeping as he toured throughout South Australia’s tourism hot spots has been...

Comments

Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading