31 March, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

REVEALED: Pelicans actually prefer to shop at TTP

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South Australia, today we are here to bring you a shocking truth.

Since most can remember, the corner set of shops in Ridgehaven, Pelican Plaza, has been home to the local Hungry Jack’s and an odd assortment of other shops. However, inside sources from the pelican community have revealed that the large birds much prefer to do their shopping across the road at Tea Tree Plaza.

Speaking with one whistle-blower from the pelican community, who will go under the pseudonym Percy Ville, stated to Adelaide Mail investigative journalists that ‘No, we certainly don’t shop there, especially since the Lego store moved. You won’t find any of us there, shame on them for using our name to represent a third rate shopping centre. I mean, is it even a Plaza?’

We looked it up, technically it is.

We’d rather shop at Modbury Triangle, St. Agnes shops, or even that little set of shops at Holden Hill, you know the one with the Barnacle Bills?

Percy Ville continued ‘There is absolutely nothing there for us pelicans. Hungry Jack’s don’t do a fish burger, the Cheesecake Shop don’t make fish cakes, and even though there are two banks there, neither of them can help us with our big bills…get it?’

We got it, pretty witty for a bird.

‘Any shopping we have to do, we do at Tea Tree Plaza, it’s got everything you need, plus they put that nice little pond out front for us now where kids keep throwing coins at us. We don’t mind, every little bit helps. Especially when you’ve got big bills like us…get it?’

Like the first time, yes.

‘Pelican Plaza is the worst. We’d rather shop at Modbury Triangle, St. Agnes shops, or even that little set of shops at Holden Hill, you know the one with the Barnacle Bills? Hey, speaking of bills…’

Adelaide Mail has found that Pelican Plaza is deliberately misleading consumers through the implication that pelicans shop there, or at least hang-out there like those dickhead kids by the Tea Tree Plaza entrances and interchange. We would start a class-action on behalf of pelicans, but they’ll probably keep bringing up the ‘Bill of rights’ to make a joke and we just can’t handle that anymore, they’re just so annoying.

Editor’s note: A huge thanks to our good friend and fellow north-east hood-rat Lisa K. for bringing this scandal to our attention. She didn’t get back in time to our message asking if she wanted anything promoted here.

Related Posts

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

Entire train deeply confused by passenger getting off at Chidda

14 November, 2019

14 November, 2019

In a completely unprecedented situation, a passenger on a Gawler Central-bound train has alighted at Chidda Railway Station. Witnesses on...

Old mate looking for roast buffet ends up at new CBD hospital

30 January, 2020

30 January, 2020

An event that can only be described as “not newsworthy at all” (even for Adelaide Mail standards) occured in the...

Save big with your SAFM 107 Card at these places today!

27 March, 2019

27 March, 2019

Here at Adelaide Mail, we’ve got some pretty powerful friends in high places, which means our proverbial fingers are on...

Annoying guy in office being sent to Victoria on ‘Special Assignment’ at 3:20 Tuesday

22 March, 2020

22 March, 2020

Following this morning’s ‘emergency meeting’ of the Management, Leadership and Everybody Except Jason Team, the office’s most annoying staff, Jason,...

Government shocked when video of weeping man doesn’t encourage tourists to flock to SA

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

A baffling marketing campaign featuring an elderly man weeping as he toured throughout South Australia’s tourism hot spots has been...

Adelaide Metro app update to feature better arrival time accuracy of non-existent buses

12 November, 2018

12 November, 2018

In the largest app update since the ‘randomly crashing’ feature Adelaide Metro has announced the newest app feature for commuters....

What the hell is East Terrace’s deal, anyway?

29 July, 2019

29 July, 2019

For all the plaudits paid to South Australia’s most famous drawer of grids Colonel William Light, nobody has ever bothered...

TAFE SA qualifications now offered on Foodland dockets with purchase over $40

3 December, 2018

3 December, 2018

The aftermath of controversy, audits, resignations, misconduct and corruption has led to TAFE SA taking drastic measures to ensure qualifications...

OTR owners to install giant sun-blocking device over Adelaide

18 December, 2018

18 December, 2018

South Australia’s omnipotent overlords the Peregrine Corporation have proposed an eternal solution to guaranteeing demand for 24/7 convenience stores and...

Exposé: Balfours caught using caged footballs for pies

4 September, 2018

4 September, 2018

In a shocking discovery by Adelaide Mail undercover journalists, it has come to light that Balfours is keeping the footballs...

Man plays quick 9 at Holey Moley before last year’s gift card expires

24 December, 2019

24 December, 2019

A Somerton Park man has knocked off work early in a frantic rush to get to novelty mini golf course...

ShitAdelaide changes name to MAFSadelaide

8 April, 2019

8 April, 2019

Originally a source of general ridicule at the expense of Adelaide’s drunk and poor, the mysterious owners behind Instagram account...

REVEALED: Seven Stars Hotel actually only has 4.3 star Google rating

7 November, 2019

7 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South Australia, today...

Adelaide once again ranked as top Australian capital city alphabetically

15 June, 2018

15 June, 2018

For the 182nd year running, Adelaide has continued to shine as our nation’s top ranking capital city when ordered from A to Z.

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: