6 July, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

REVEALED: Pelicans actually prefer to shop at TTP

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South Australia, today we are here to bring you a shocking truth.

Since most can remember, the corner set of shops in Ridgehaven, Pelican Plaza, has been home to the local Hungry Jack’s and an odd assortment of other shops. However, inside sources from the pelican community have revealed that the large birds much prefer to do their shopping across the road at Tea Tree Plaza.

Speaking with one whistle-blower from the pelican community, who will go under the pseudonym Percy Ville, stated to Adelaide Mail investigative journalists that ‘No, we certainly don’t shop there, especially since the Lego store moved. You won’t find any of us there, shame on them for using our name to represent a third rate shopping centre. I mean, is it even a Plaza?’

We looked it up, technically it is.

We’d rather shop at Modbury Triangle, St. Agnes shops, or even that little set of shops at Holden Hill, you know the one with the Barnacle Bills?

Percy Ville continued ‘There is absolutely nothing there for us pelicans. Hungry Jack’s don’t do a fish burger, the Cheesecake Shop don’t make fish cakes, and even though there are two banks there, neither of them can help us with our big bills…get it?’

We got it, pretty witty for a bird.

‘Any shopping we have to do, we do at Tea Tree Plaza, it’s got everything you need, plus they put that nice little pond out front for us now where kids keep throwing coins at us. We don’t mind, every little bit helps. Especially when you’ve got big bills like us…get it?’

Like the first time, yes.

‘Pelican Plaza is the worst. We’d rather shop at Modbury Triangle, St. Agnes shops, or even that little set of shops at Holden Hill, you know the one with the Barnacle Bills? Hey, speaking of bills…’

Adelaide Mail has found that Pelican Plaza is deliberately misleading consumers through the implication that pelicans shop there, or at least hang-out there like those dickhead kids by the Tea Tree Plaza entrances and interchange. We would start a class-action on behalf of pelicans, but they’ll probably keep bringing up the ‘Bill of rights’ to make a joke and we just can’t handle that anymore, they’re just so annoying.

Editor’s note: A huge thanks to our good friend and fellow north-east hood-rat Lisa K. for bringing this scandal to our attention. She didn’t get back in time to our message asking if she wanted anything promoted here.

Related Posts

Modbury Triangle celebrates 14th shopper of 2020

3 March, 2020

3 March, 2020

In what has been an admittedly slower year for one of the smaller metropolitan shopping outlets, Modbury Triangle Shopping Centre...

Bazza the Bunyip statue becomes target of protesters for his “complicity in colonising Murray”

25 June, 2020

25 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Murray Bridge’s monument to the mythical Murray River creature Bazza the Bunyip has become the latest statue to...

Next season of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ to actually be set in Adelaide’s premier suburb of Paradise

24 August, 2018

24 August, 2018

Due to excessive helicopter use and a vast majority of the budget being spent on Osher’s hair, Channel 10 executives have...

Tinder date downgraded to Hawker’s Corner after iffy message

24 June, 2019

24 June, 2019

A looming Tinder date has had its venue downgraded to West Terrace food court Hawker’s Corner following a questionable opinion...

Residents of Shithöle angered at being compared to Adelaide

25 September, 2019

25 September, 2019

The small village of Shithöle lies somewhere along the Eastern European poverty belt’s poverty belt, near the disputed border of...

Munno Para driverless bus somehow involved in road rage incident

17 July, 2019

17 July, 2019 1

A minibus that operates without anybody behind the steering wheel has somehow become embroiled in a road rage incident in...

Plans for Anzac Hwy Le Cornu site revealed: Big fence, even more weeds

23 January, 2020

23 January, 2020 1

As Kaufland mysteriously disappear from Australian shores, top secret plans for the future of Le Cornu’s former Anzac Highway showroom...

Adelaide Mail’s Greatest SA Jingle Ever!

25 April, 2020

25 April, 2020 1

We need to settle this once-and-for-all: what is South Australia’s greatest ever jingle? We’re torn in all directions, between car...

SA Govt stops tourists entering state from late March under “Operation Business As Usual”

24 March, 2020

24 March, 2020

From 4pm today South Australia will close its borders to all non-essential visitors in response to the spread of COVID-19....

Dad asks if you know what Myponga smells like

7 February, 2020

7 February, 2020

A Woodville South family once again became the butt of dad’s joke yesterday evening. An hour after the family’s Mexican...

2003 Seaford High graduate wears Year 12 jumper to commemorate the year he peaked

8 June, 2018

8 June, 2018

As he once again donned the faded maroon sweatshirt for a trip to the shops, Ryan Govern, 33, reminisced about...

“Emo Park” rebrands as “Ska Park” in attempt to brighten reputation

3 October, 2019

3 October, 2019

The north-western pocket of Hindmarsh square has always been a strange place. Along with being home to what was awarded...

OTR pay their staff fairly and we’re writing this of our own free will

11 December, 2019

11 December, 2019

In recent days, you may have seen news about how a group of lawyers are considering launching a class action...

Nobody asking ‘why no Adelaide?’ about this band’s tour for some reason

13 February, 2019

13 February, 2019

Dozens of international bands tour Australia each year, with many of them bypassing South Australia’s capital in favour of its...


Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: