27 January, 2023

REVEALED: Pelicans actually prefer to shop at TTP

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South Australia, today we are here to bring you a shocking truth.

Since most can remember, the corner set of shops in Ridgehaven, Pelican Plaza, has been home to the local Hungry Jack’s and an odd assortment of other shops. However, inside sources from the pelican community have revealed that the large birds much prefer to do their shopping across the road at Tea Tree Plaza.

Speaking with one whistle-blower from the pelican community, who will go under the pseudonym Percy Ville, stated to Adelaide Mail investigative journalists that ‘No, we certainly don’t shop there, especially since the Lego store moved. You won’t find any of us there, shame on them for using our name to represent a third rate shopping centre. I mean, is it even a Plaza?’

We looked it up, technically it is.

We’d rather shop at Modbury Triangle, St. Agnes shops, or even that little set of shops at Holden Hill, you know the one with the Barnacle Bills?

Percy Ville continued ‘There is absolutely nothing there for us pelicans. Hungry Jack’s don’t do a fish burger, the Cheesecake Shop don’t make fish cakes, and even though there are two banks there, neither of them can help us with our big bills…get it?’

We got it, pretty witty for a bird.

‘Any shopping we have to do, we do at Tea Tree Plaza, it’s got everything you need, plus they put that nice little pond out front for us now where kids keep throwing coins at us. We don’t mind, every little bit helps. Especially when you’ve got big bills like us…get it?’

Like the first time, yes.

‘Pelican Plaza is the worst. We’d rather shop at Modbury Triangle, St. Agnes shops, or even that little set of shops at Holden Hill, you know the one with the Barnacle Bills? Hey, speaking of bills…’

Adelaide Mail has found that Pelican Plaza is deliberately misleading consumers through the implication that pelicans shop there, or at least hang-out there like those dickhead kids by the Tea Tree Plaza entrances and interchange. We would start a class-action on behalf of pelicans, but they’ll probably keep bringing up the ‘Bill of rights’ to make a joke and we just can’t handle that anymore, they’re just so annoying.

Editor’s note: A huge thanks to our good friend and fellow north-east hood-rat Lisa K. for bringing this scandal to our attention. She didn’t get back in time to our message asking if she wanted anything promoted here.

Related Posts

“Walk To Work Day” actually fastest commute for city workers using South Road

2 September, 2022

2 September, 2022

With today being national “Walk To Work Day”, many southern suburbs to CBD commuters have found that walking along South...

Crows family members plead for exemption to leave South Australia after sons’ 2020 season

25 September, 2020

25 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Following the decision by health authorities to allow Port Power family members into SA on a special exemption...

Dangerfield tells tribunal Crows showed him “No Respect, No Respect At All”

23 March, 2021

23 March, 2021

As news breaks that Geelong Cats star Patrick Dangerfield will miss three AFL games for a careless hit on Adelaide’s...

Stephan Knoll offers to wash dad’s car and do more chores to pay off $30,000 debt

22 July, 2020

22 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT South Australia’s Transport Minister Stephan Knoll landed himself in a bit of mischief this week by accidentally and...

Salisbury mum returns to OTR to buy carton of ciggies with wheelbarrow full of shrapnel

5 January, 2019

5 January, 2019

After reportedly being denied being able to buy milk and bread with a few fifty cents pieces, the single mother...

Something a little off about this 40 year old bloke still listening to Fresh FM

19 December, 2018

19 December, 2018

Kristy just introduced this Darren guy to the group, and he seems nice and all, but we’re just not too...

Garden Grove erect giant windsock to capture free top soil in dust storm

19 September, 2019

19 September, 2019

Landscape supplier Garden Grove best known for their trucks smelling like manure and mistakenly being called Golden Grove Supplies have...

Far-Ken Hall! Adelaide’s biggest plumber goes rural

2 October, 2019

2 October, 2019

Adelaide’s biggest plumbing business, Ken Hall Plumbers is expanding its operations across rural South Australia. Marketing manager for Ken Hall...

CBD co-workers from opposite sides of city pretend to know where each other live

5 October, 2018

5 October, 2018

As Harry North and Belinda Southeast sat down for lunch at their CBD workplace, conversation turned to the weekend and...

Burnside resident asks if travel bubble could be constructed exclusively around Eastern Suburbs

12 May, 2020

12 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT As the state begins to lift some of its coronavirus restrictions, attention has turned to travel and when...

New sports radio station 1629 SEN releases coverage map

10 December, 2018

10 December, 2018

Following questions about the breadth of new sports-only radio station SEN’s broadcast coverage, the fledgling station has released a comprehensive...

MP Jon Gee caught pwning CS:GO noobs in parliament

1 August, 2019

1 August, 2019

Just a few days after being busted playing Solitaire during budget estimates, it seems the brazen member for Taylor, MP Jon...

Bloke who spent $900 on Home Lottery tickets very satisfied with his $75 Heatworks gift card

28 September, 2018

28 September, 2018

Troy Simons of Rosewater, lives by the old adage ‘you gotta’ be in it to win it’, and ‘win it’...

Man plays quick 9 at Holey Moley before last year’s gift card expires

24 December, 2019

24 December, 2019

A Somerton Park man has knocked off work early in a frantic rush to get to novelty mini golf course...

Barmera economy kept afloat entirely by TV Travel Auctions

22 January, 2019

22 January, 2019

‘Who wants to go on a holiday, holiday, holiday?’ You can hear the eternally-repeating echoes of John Dean’s famous voiceover...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: