14 May, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Number One! Number One! SA leads the nation in this one key statistic

There aren’t too many measures in which South Australia ranks first amongst Australian states. Mainland states that is. We remain unconvinced about Tasmania’s claim to statehood. However, there is one statistic in which this state excels and has done consistently for decades.

South Australia’s jobless rate has smashed all predictions, soaring to become the nation’s highest, a seasonally-adjusted win for our, admittedly bare, trophy cabinet.

State treasurer and winner of Australia’s Smallest Face 2018 Rob Lucas has gloated about the result, boasting about smashed records and promising more of the same for SA, promising to continue ‘forging ahead with our sound economic policies*’

Treasurer Rob Lucas continues to impress with his tiny face.

In fact, so impressed was the government with the accolade that a winner’s party was thrown, fittingly, in the derelict surrounds of Port Adelaide in the lobby of the government’s Port office tower-cum-gulag.

A poor turnout wasn’t going to stop the night’s festivities, with hundreds of now-redundant former public servants handed a cheeky twenty-five bucks to attend the party and ‘not steal anything’. Yet another benefit of leading the nation in this stat. Very cheap, desperate labour.

Suck shit, other states.

*Actual quote from the treasurer about SA’s unemployment rate. 

Related Posts

Truckie was just holding out for cheaper fuel price

31 October, 2019

31 October, 2019

A truck driver that caused massive delays on the downtrack of the SE Freeway remains convinced that he made the...

Vaccine now offered to anyone 70 or over. 98% of Victor Harbor to be inoculated by next week.

18 March, 2021

18 March, 2021

As the COVID-19 vaccination roll-out enters the next phase, any person over the age of 70 is eligible for the...

Next season of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ to actually be set in Adelaide’s premier suburb of Paradise

24 August, 2018

24 August, 2018

Due to excessive helicopter use and a vast majority of the budget being spent on Osher’s hair, Channel 10 executives have...

South Aussies to ask ‘Keeping Cool?’ a record 47 billion times today

20 November, 2019

20 November, 2019

With Adelaide bracing for its hottest day since March, Adelaideans are readying themselves for an onslaught of inquisitiveness about the...

Tinder date downgraded to Hawker’s Corner after iffy message

24 June, 2019

24 June, 2019

A looming Tinder date has had its venue downgraded to West Terrace food court Hawker’s Corner following a questionable opinion...

“Reality’s hitting home” – Now my shortcut through David Jones to the car park is gone!

24 March, 2020

24 March, 2020

Everything had been fine up until this point. You know, it’s bad and all that, I’m not trivialising the seriousness...

South Australians go into three-month, self-imposed lockdown following end of Fringe

21 March, 2021

21 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Adelaideans have retreated into their annual, self-imposed lockdown for a quarter of the year following the end of...

Bogged Popeye blocks River Torrens trade route

25 March, 2021

25 March, 2021

One of South Australia’s most tolerated icons has found itself stuck in Adelaide’s main trade route, the River Torrens. Causing...

Netflix to release Last Dance sequel about another team’s 97-98 former glory

17 May, 2020

17 May, 2020

As ‘The Last Dance’ documentary series about the 1997-1998 Chicago Bulls wraps up, Netflix has announced another series will be...

SA called ‘Beggar State’ by Senator literally begging for money on GoFundMe

14 November, 2018

14 November, 2018

NSW Senator David Leyonhjelm has described South Australia as a “beggar state” that should be thrown out of the Australian...

Don Pyke keen to sign Brodie Grundy to warm the bench in SANFL

27 May, 2019

27 May, 2019

With star Collingwood ruckman Brodie Grundy out of contract at the end of 2020, Adelaide Crows coach Don Pyke is...

Another bloody comedian writes “I thought this was supposed to be satire” on Adelaide Mail post

17 September, 2020

17 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT He’s done it again! Everyone loves it when Rob chimes in on a conversation with one of his...

Fullarton Road servo sells out of these sunnies for some reason

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In what has been described by economists as an unpredicted and alarming spike in demand, a Fullarton Road service station...

Calm down mate, it’s Monarto, not Zimbabwe

10 January, 2019

10 January, 2019

Equipped with the most expensive DSLR and biggest telescopic lens Ted’s Cameras had in stock, Gavin Numpty of Murray Bridge...

AdBlocker removes entire AdelaideNow website

22 July, 2019

22 July, 2019

As Gavin Alook was searching for an old news article about the time his school actually figured out what the...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: