2 June, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Number One! Number One! SA leads the nation in this one key statistic

There aren’t too many measures in which South Australia ranks first amongst Australian states. Mainland states that is. We remain unconvinced about Tasmania’s claim to statehood. However, there is one statistic in which this state excels and has done consistently for decades.

South Australia’s jobless rate has smashed all predictions, soaring to become the nation’s highest, a seasonally-adjusted win for our, admittedly bare, trophy cabinet.

State treasurer and winner of Australia’s Smallest Face 2018 Rob Lucas has gloated about the result, boasting about smashed records and promising more of the same for SA, promising to continue ‘forging ahead with our sound economic policies*’

Treasurer Rob Lucas continues to impress with his tiny face.

In fact, so impressed was the government with the accolade that a winner’s party was thrown, fittingly, in the derelict surrounds of Port Adelaide in the lobby of the government’s Port office tower-cum-gulag.

A poor turnout wasn’t going to stop the night’s festivities, with hundreds of now-redundant former public servants handed a cheeky twenty-five bucks to attend the party and ‘not steal anything’. Yet another benefit of leading the nation in this stat. Very cheap, desperate labour.

Suck shit, other states.

*Actual quote from the treasurer about SA’s unemployment rate. 

Related Posts

SA leads nation in problem drinkers masked as wine connoisseurs

25 October, 2019

25 October, 2019

In yet another example of South Australia leading its counterparts in important lifestyle statistics, a new study has revealed that...

Adelaide Mail announces new subscriber-only service Adelaide Mail Premium

1 April, 2020

1 April, 2020

It is with great excitement that the team at Adelaide Mail announces the next phase in our journey. Wall-to-wall paywalls...

Nobody really sure if the Red Tins thing is sarcastic or not

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

From twenty-somethings happily sharing the same beer with their fathers to bar owners happily off-loading their surplus of West End...

Adelaide once again ranked as top Australian capital city alphabetically

15 June, 2018

15 June, 2018

For the 182nd year running, Adelaide has continued to shine as our nation’s top ranking capital city when ordered from A to Z.

First stage of Tour Down Under won by lost Uber Eats rider

21 January, 2020

21 January, 2020

Today the Barossa hosted the first men’s stage of the Tour Down Under, a gruelling 150 kilometre slog even for...

Modbury Triangle celebrates 14th shopper of 2020

3 March, 2020

3 March, 2020

In what has been an admittedly slower year for one of the smaller metropolitan shopping outlets, Modbury Triangle Shopping Centre...

Ingle Farm shopping centre considering radical third Coles store

13 September, 2019

13 September, 2019

Following the success of the populist “A Chicken In Every Pot, Two Coles in Every Mall” plan, Ingle Farm Shopping...

Local hip-hop trio find religion, rename themselves ‘Hillsong Hoods’

29 May, 2019

29 May, 2019

In a move that has shocked the hip-hop community, Adelaide’s most influential hip-hop group, Hilltop Hoods, have announced a change...

“Melbourne is so much better” says girl who couldn’t afford to live there

16 July, 2019

16 July, 2019

Having recently moved back to Adelaide after a brief stint in Australia’s most consistently overcast city, polaroid photography student Edith...

Fringe show releases new promotional image following KKK backlash

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

Adelaide Fringe has responded to an online petition urging them to pull support of a controversial BDSM show after an...

Far-Ken Hall! Adelaide’s biggest plumber goes rural

2 October, 2019

2 October, 2019

Adelaide’s biggest plumbing business, Ken Hall Plumbers is expanding its operations across rural South Australia. Marketing manager for Ken Hall...

Local livestreamed gigs to be replaced with livestreamed pokie rooms

8 April, 2020

8 April, 2020

With the coronavirus shutting down the city’s remaining live music venues, bands have begun turning to the internet to live...

Woman scurries from David Jones building to avoid that hand cream guy

25 November, 2019

25 November, 2019

A Torrensville woman has aborted her first attempt at Christmas shopping for the year after being chased out of the...

Superloop gives up, starts referring to itself as ‘Clipsal’

21 February, 2019

21 February, 2019

Before the first Superloop 500 event has even started, the company behind the naming rights has reportedly already given up...

New sports radio station 1629 SEN releases coverage map

10 December, 2018

10 December, 2018

Following questions about the breadth of new sports-only radio station SEN’s broadcast coverage, the fledgling station has released a comprehensive...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: