26 May, 2022

OTR already putting up signage on North East Road Holden dealership

With the news of Holden exiting the Australian market breaking, our petroleum and tobacco overlords have decided that they may as well just put the signs up on any Holden dealers now.

Adelaide Mail once again met with OTR’s vice-chief of monopolisation, Pricey Gazoleen, who stated ‘Holden closing is great news for South Australian business. Well one business mainly. Us. This puts us on track for our North East Road 2026 vision. City Holden is right next to our Greenacres OTR, so we figured we should just get ahead of the market now and let the public know it will soon be another OTR’.

“It’s what the public needs and wants, we assume.”

Gazoleen then showed us his “blueprints” drawn on a stained Guzman Y Gomez napkin stating ‘Yeah, it’s just like Zambreros, except worse and more expensive. Now, see how we’re here, then you’ve got Fosters Road, then the ex-Holden dealership? The plan is to have an OTR either side of the road and make that section of Fosters a mandatory drive-thru, where motorists can’t pass unless they buy something’.

When Adelaide Mail reporters questioned Gazoleen in regards to why the napkin blueprints clearly showed the neighbouring Greenacres Library labelled as “Future “Smokemart” Family Library Site”, he stated ‘Don’t worry, it’s not what it seems. The kids will have to pay to borrow the books so it won’t really be a library at all’.

Related Posts

Showy Reynella family splash out on leather recliner for front porch

11 February, 2019

11 February, 2019

For as long as the Tonstelhans have lived on Highercombe Street in Reynella they have been trying to out-do their...

Pandemic revealed to be just another classic gotcha call that got out-of-hand

17 May, 2020

17 May, 2020

Everybody loves a prank, right? From children on YouTube staging murders to brands pretending that they’re selling a new product...

Just FYI, that Whispering Wall is a dirty snitch

15 July, 2020

15 July, 2020

DAM SNITCH: We all have secrets. Some large, some small, some downright incriminating. But when we confide in someone or...

Power fan really hopes those photos from 1993 never resurface

16 October, 2020

16 October, 2020

1993, it was a simpler time. No social media, you could still smoke on public transport (well you weren’t meant...

Humphrey B Bear says cancel culture has killed opportunities for mute, pantsless bears on TV

22 March, 2021

22 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Australia’s most famous boater hat-wearing anthropomorphic bear has broken his decades-long silence to add to the chorus of...

CBD co-workers from opposite sides of city pretend to know where each other live

5 October, 2018

5 October, 2018

As Harry North and Belinda Southeast sat down for lunch at their CBD workplace, conversation turned to the weekend and...

Turns out Flagstaff Road was just an elaborate prank on motorists from the northern suburbs

30 September, 2020

30 September, 2020

As South Australia gears itself to farewell the last of its reversible roads, the state’s Minister for One-Way Roads, Hovercraft...

Researchers find anyone who went to Mansions pre-2012 is immune to COVID-19 and most other things too

7 April, 2020

7 April, 2020

Fastracked South Australian TAFE short course health research graduates have made an initial discovery in what could be the first...

Send help. Stuck in traffic on way to Yorke’s. Running out of food. Tell wife I love her.

12 June, 2021

12 June, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT It’s been fourteen hours since we left home bound for Innes National Park. We thought that we were...

Everyone laughs at the big fake googly eyes, but nobody is laughing about the big fake dildo we put on Scotty

17 January, 2022

17 January, 2022

In our desperate attempt to gain approval from local hilarious meme-lords and bumper-sticker-merchants, Shit Adelaide, we here at Adelaide Mail...

Ingenious Toolie crudely changes 13 to 18 on his Year 12 jumper

25 November, 2018

25 November, 2018

In a surprisingly genius move, particularly from a Modbury High graduate, 23 year old Sam ‘Zombie’ Zommers has pulled off...

We take a look back at ‘Crow Milk’ and the diabetes epidemic it caused

2 December, 2019

2 December, 2019

In the wake of current local flavoured milk wars, let’s take a moment to remember a simpler time in South...

300-year-old gum tree to be shipped in for Burnside Village redevelopment

10 March, 2020

10 March, 2020

With demolition works underway for the latest expansion to Burnside Village, the shopping centre’s owners have revealed their latest idea...

South Australia’s Top 10 WAGS

11 January, 2021

11 January, 2021

As a news outlet run by two men, we at the Adelaide Mail find nothing more enjoyable and appropriate than...

South Australian unreasonably smug watching Queenslanders lose their minds over plastic bag ban

5 July, 2018

5 July, 2018

Sometimes you just have to rub your hands together and look on with glee at the failures of those other,...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: