4 February, 2023

OTR already putting up signage on North East Road Holden dealership

With the news of Holden exiting the Australian market breaking, our petroleum and tobacco overlords have decided that they may as well just put the signs up on any Holden dealers now.

Adelaide Mail once again met with OTR’s vice-chief of monopolisation, Pricey Gazoleen, who stated ‘Holden closing is great news for South Australian business. Well one business mainly. Us. This puts us on track for our North East Road 2026 vision. City Holden is right next to our Greenacres OTR, so we figured we should just get ahead of the market now and let the public know it will soon be another OTR’.

“It’s what the public needs and wants, we assume.”

Gazoleen then showed us his “blueprints” drawn on a stained Guzman Y Gomez napkin stating ‘Yeah, it’s just like Zambreros, except worse and more expensive. Now, see how we’re here, then you’ve got Fosters Road, then the ex-Holden dealership? The plan is to have an OTR either side of the road and make that section of Fosters a mandatory drive-thru, where motorists can’t pass unless they buy something’.

When Adelaide Mail reporters questioned Gazoleen in regards to why the napkin blueprints clearly showed the neighbouring Greenacres Library labelled as “Future “Smokemart” Family Library Site”, he stated ‘Don’t worry, it’s not what it seems. The kids will have to pay to borrow the books so it won’t really be a library at all’.

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