23 October, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

ShitAdelaide blocked us now we have to go outside to laugh at the poor

Having come to rely on a local Instagram account as our conduit to the outside world, our schedule had come to consist of only leaving the house to collect mail from the letterbox and stand by the O-Bahn entrance waiting for unsuspecting motorists to drive on to the track.

Following a largely one-sided stoush with Adelaide’s premier destination for jokes targeting the city’s fat, poor and mentally ill, the editors of this publication have been left blocked and without access to the ShitAdelaide Instagram account.

Mentors at the Adelaide Rehabilitation for ShitAdelaide Emancipation (ARSE) Centre have devised an intensive three month transition for this publication’s editors into life without the richness of ShitAdelaide. 

‘People are blocked from ShitAdelaide for a variety of reasons’, says Ulmer Plums head of rehabilitation at the centre. ‘Incorrect spelling. Pointing out incorrect spelling. Asking that admins stop posting videos of the mentally ill without their consent. But what we don’t see are the side-effects after the blocking. That’s what we’re here for’.

They’re in their first month of treatment right now, which involves finding poor people on the tram, secretly filming them and then saying things like “dis you” to their mates

‘South Australians rely on ShitAdelaide as a healthy way to laugh at themselves. Of course by that I mean “a healthy way to laugh at those less fortunate or fatter than them”. When people lose this release, they can become well-adjusted or even sympathetic to others. It really is an awful situation’.

‘What we have done for these Adelaide Mail boys is develop an all-encompassing three month course. They’re in their first month of treatment right now, which involves finding poor people on the tram, secretly filming them and then saying things like “dis you” to their mates. They’re doing great so far’.

Editor’s note: We assure that this is definitely not just sour grapes. Nope. I mean what would we do with 227K followers anyway?

Related Posts

90% of new Mortal Kombat movie just CCTV footage from Hindley Street

16 May, 2019

16 May, 2019

Adelaide is set to become a key piece of cinematic history, with the long-awaited follow-up to 1995’s Mortal Kombat to...

Victor Harbor opens new Youth Centre for local adolescents aged 55-70

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

In an attempt at engaging the region’s younger demographic, Victor Harbor has launched a hip new hangout for residents born...

Burnside SUV driver will definitely only be five minutes in the loading zone

20 July, 2018

20 July, 2018

Burnside stay-at-home daughter Jacinta Hyacinth was caught short this morning on her usual coffee meet with the girls at trendy...

Now a North Adelaide Resident, Djokovic makes noise complaint at 7pm on Friday

23 January, 2021

23 January, 2021

Whilst world number one tennis player Novak Djokovic has been in quarantine in North Adelaide, he has become accustomed to...

South Australia officially changing State slogan to “So what High School did you go to?”

17 September, 2018

17 September, 2018

Since discontinuing “The Festival State”, the South Australian Slogan Association (SASA) has decided on a new official state slogan after...

Cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances

18 November, 2020

18 November, 2020

South Australia’s Psychic and Body Odour festival has once again been cancelled due to events that nobody saw coming. This...

Midnight Pharmacy seriously gives no fucks anymore

28 February, 2019

28 February, 2019

What was once an innovative practice for the early 2000’s, in an age where South Australian pharmacies were banned from...

Could’ve been more specific, say mates meeting at ‘Shit Norwood Cafe’

12 November, 2019

12 November, 2019

A pair of old friends who had arranged to catch up at ‘That shitty Italian place on The Parade’ are...

Tinder date downgraded to Hawker’s Corner after iffy message

24 June, 2019

24 June, 2019

A looming Tinder date has had its venue downgraded to West Terrace food court Hawker’s Corner following a questionable opinion...

Man who suggested synchronising traffic light sequences swiftly fired

30 September, 2019

30 September, 2019

A staff member from South Australia’s Department of Planning, Transport & Infrastructure has been fired from his role as a...

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

19 February, 2020

19 February, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated...

Penfolds to release limited edition cask Grange

20 December, 2019

20 December, 2019

In an effort to appeal to a wider and less affluent market, Penfolds have taken a new and innovative direction for their...

Barmera economy kept afloat entirely by TV Travel Auctions

22 January, 2019

22 January, 2019

‘Who wants to go on a holiday, holiday, holiday?’ You can hear the eternally-repeating echoes of John Dean’s famous voiceover...

Ian Perrie also rejects AFL Hall Of Fame honour in solidarity and because he wasn’t offered

11 June, 2021

11 June, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Adelaide Crows superstar forward Ian Perrie has become the second Australian football legend to turn down the honour...

Desperate for a vaccine, people start lining up for Shotz like it’s 2005

26 March, 2020

26 March, 2020

As the world scrambles to find a vaccine for COVID-19, desperate and clearly confused South Australians are looking for anywhere...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: