3 August, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

ShitAdelaide blocked us now we have to go outside to laugh at the poor

Having come to rely on a local Instagram account as our conduit to the outside world, our schedule had come to consist of only leaving the house to collect mail from the letterbox and stand by the O-Bahn entrance waiting for unsuspecting motorists to drive on to the track.

Following a largely one-sided stoush with Adelaide’s premier destination for jokes targeting the city’s fat, poor and mentally ill, the editors of this publication have been left blocked and without access to the ShitAdelaide Instagram account.

Mentors at the Adelaide Rehabilitation for ShitAdelaide Emancipation (ARSE) Centre have devised an intensive three month transition for this publication’s editors into life without the richness of ShitAdelaide. 

‘People are blocked from ShitAdelaide for a variety of reasons’, says Ulmer Plums head of rehabilitation at the centre. ‘Incorrect spelling. Pointing out incorrect spelling. Asking that admins stop posting videos of the mentally ill without their consent. But what we don’t see are the side-effects after the blocking. That’s what we’re here for’.

They’re in their first month of treatment right now, which involves finding poor people on the tram, secretly filming them and then saying things like “dis you” to their mates

‘South Australians rely on ShitAdelaide as a healthy way to laugh at themselves. Of course by that I mean “a healthy way to laugh at those less fortunate or fatter than them”. When people lose this release, they can become well-adjusted or even sympathetic to others. It really is an awful situation’.

‘What we have done for these Adelaide Mail boys is develop an all-encompassing three month course. They’re in their first month of treatment right now, which involves finding poor people on the tram, secretly filming them and then saying things like “dis you” to their mates. They’re doing great so far’.

Editor’s note: We assure that this is definitely not just sour grapes. Nope. I mean what would we do with 227K followers anyway?

Related Posts

Shocked South Road business owners have property acquired after only 53 years notice

8 July, 2021

8 July, 2021

TY INNANE A number of businesses told they’ll be acquired for the north-south corridor project expressed dismay and disbelief today....

300-year-old gum tree to be shipped in for Burnside Village redevelopment

10 March, 2020

10 March, 2020

With demolition works underway for the latest expansion to Burnside Village, the shopping centre’s owners have revealed their latest idea...

Suburb of Paradise hit with false claims lawsuit

15 January, 2019

15 January, 2019

The north-eastern suburb of Paradise has found itself in legal trouble with a class action lawsuit being filed by thousands...

PM Scott Morrison takes credit for stopping the Buffalo

14 October, 2018

14 October, 2018

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has taken credit for stopping the land-bound, abandoned restaurant the HMS Buffalo while on a whistle-stop...

Port performs angry costume change to make their closing argument through the power of song

9 May, 2021

9 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT The Port Power Football Club have turned up the heat in their enduring fight to wear their favourite...

Fringe show releases new promotional image following KKK backlash

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

Adelaide Fringe has responded to an online petition urging them to pull support of a controversial BDSM show after an...

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

“Sure, I feel bad for this whole COVID thing, but they DID steal our Grand Prix” – Premier says

27 May, 2021

27 May, 2021

Premier Steven Marshall has stopped short of apologising to his Victorian counterparts over a medi-hotel leak that has led to...

‘What’s Sydney got that Adelaide doesn’t?’ says man who can’t find job

15 July, 2019

15 July, 2019

Unemployed volleyball salesman and indiscriminately parochial South Australian Conrad Junkles is often leaping to the defence of his home state....

South Australians go into three-month, self-imposed lockdown following end of Fringe

21 March, 2021

21 March, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Adelaideans have retreated into their annual, self-imposed lockdown for a quarter of the year following the end of...

Even at Cudlee Creek “Free Hugs” guy still seems very creepy

16 January, 2020

16 January, 2020

CUDDLY CREEP: At a time where most South Australians are selflessly coming together to support those affected by bushfires, one...

Dad asks if you know what Myponga smells like

7 February, 2020

7 February, 2020

A Woodville South family once again became the butt of dad’s joke yesterday evening. An hour after the family’s Mexican...

Royal Adelaide Show Cancelled: Who will judge Nan’s knitted Golliwogs now?

14 April, 2020

14 April, 2020

DAN SCHMIDT News has broken that the Royal Adelaide Show has been cancelled for the fifth time in history. Previously...

COMPROMISE FOUND: SA Govt to install new tram that ONLY turns right

20 November, 2018

20 November, 2018

After months of deliberation, studies and costings, Transport Minister Stephan Knoll announced on Sunday that the right-hand turn for trams...

Kevin Costner spotted in Ridgehaven filming Waterworld sequel

12 August, 2019

12 August, 2019

With Adelaide seemingly becoming a relatively budget-friendly locale for upcoming Hollywood flops, it has become apparent that Mortal Kombat isn’t...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: