23 January, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

ShitAdelaide blocked us now we have to go outside to laugh at the poor

TRENT BARTLETT

Having come to rely on a local Instagram account as our conduit to the outside world, our schedule had come to consist of only leaving the house to collect mail from the letterbox and stand by the O-Bahn entrance waiting for unsuspecting motorists to drive on to the track.

Following a largely one-sided stoush with Adelaide’s premier destination for jokes targeting the city’s fat, poor and mentally ill, the editors of this publication have been left blocked and without access to the ShitAdelaide Instagram account.

Mentors at the Adelaide Rehabilitation for ShitAdelaide Emancipation (ARSE) Centre have devised an intensive three month transition for this publication’s editors into life without the richness of ShitAdelaide. 

‘People are blocked from ShitAdelaide for a variety of reasons’, says Ulmer Plums head of rehabilitation at the centre. ‘Incorrect spelling. Pointing out incorrect spelling. Asking that admins stop posting videos of the mentally ill without their consent. But what we don’t see are the side-effects after the blocking. That’s what we’re here for’.

They’re in their first month of treatment right now, which involves finding poor people on the tram, secretly filming them and then saying things like “dis you” to their mates

‘South Australians rely on ShitAdelaide as a healthy way to laugh at themselves. Of course by that I mean “a healthy way to laugh at those less fortunate or fatter than them”. When people lose this release, they can become well-adjusted or even sympathetic to others. It really is an awful situation’.

‘What we have done for these Adelaide Mail boys is develop an all-encompassing three month course. They’re in their first month of treatment right now, which involves finding poor people on the tram, secretly filming them and then saying things like “dis you” to their mates. They’re doing great so far’.

Editor’s note: We assure that this is definitely not just sour grapes. Nope. I mean what would we do with 227K followers anyway?

Related Posts

Calm down Jessica, it’s Lofty, not Everest

21 December, 2018

21 December, 2018

With a backpack full of rations, emergency supplies, and flares, Jessica Peak is fully equipped for her 3.9km Waterfall Gully to Mount...

BMW X5s return to Burnside after annual migration to Pt Elliot shacks

4 January, 2019

4 January, 2019

An annual migratory flight of eastern suburbs quasi-four wheel drives is nearly over for another year as the final straggling...

Bloke asking ‘Which Freeway do you mean?’ definitely not from here

5 November, 2019

5 November, 2019

A motorist who stopped at a Glen Osmond Road service station for directions to the closest mechanical likeness of a mythical...

Power fans start pretending they always follow SANFL

20 September, 2019

20 September, 2019

With the Port Adelaide Magpies facing off against Glenelg in the SANFL Grand Final this weekend, Port Power fans will...

Woman updates LinkedIn profile to include climbing Big Rocking Horse certificate

23 January, 2019

23 January, 2019

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Melanie Yearling of Birdwood doing whatever she can to enhance her LinkedIn profile for...

Nobody asking ‘why no Adelaide?’ about this band’s tour for some reason

13 February, 2019

13 February, 2019

Dozens of international bands tour Australia each year, with many of them bypassing South Australia’s capital in favour of its...

Old Le Cornu site to become new Swedish Furniture store 'De Körneu'

22 May, 2019

22 May, 2019

The Adelaide City Council has made the announcement of what will finally be done with the ever controversial old Le...

Downer shares anti-vaxx post in attempt to gain Adelaide Hills mum voters

15 May, 2019

15 May, 2019

In a bold move to gain the Adelaide Hills young family voters demographic, Georgina has joined an anti-vaccination facebook group...

CBD skateboarders disappointed at lack of actual ramp outside RAH

9 November, 2018

9 November, 2018

Dozens of skateboarders gathered outside the Royal Adelaide Hospital Emergency Department yesterday as news spread about a new ramp near...

We’re not convinced Kingswood is a real suburb either

10 July, 2018

10 July, 2018

While we’d be the first to admit that we’ve not looked into this too closely, we’re just not ready to...

Johnny Haysman eats 2kg bag of sugar in attempt to gain YouTube subscribers

6 March, 2019

6 March, 2019

In an attempt to appeal to a younger market and beat the YouTube algorithm, local eccentric Adelaide legend John Haysman...

Gawler line passenger set for great day after altercation-free commute

17 October, 2018

17 October, 2018

Startling footage has emerged from a security camera on-board an Adelaide-bound Gawler train this morning showing an entirely incident-free trip....

Adelaide man thinks shirt smelling like smoke is the biggest issue as hundreds flee homes

21 November, 2019

21 November, 2019

As residents of Yorke Peninsula have fled their homes overnight, only to hear this morning that their property is lost,...

Researchers remain baffled at financial viability of shop in Station Arcade

30 May, 2018

30 May, 2018

After two years spent attempting to understand the specific economics of Adelaide’s Station Arcade, researchers are no closer to answering...

MP Jon Gee caught pwning CS:GO noobs in parliament

1 August, 2019

1 August, 2019

Just a few days after being busted playing Solitaire during budget estimates, it seems the brazen member for Taylor, MP Jon...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: