An unnamed supermarket chain has once again sent out a stack of media releases and social media messages informing the public that some meat has been stolen from their stores, expecting the pity, shock, and disgust of all the good law-abiding South Australians.
The supermarket (which could literally be any supermarket at all or may be entirely fictitious) is well known for their edgelord YouTuber style social media videos and constantly trying to get media coverage, unless it is about the “potential $20 million class action for underpayments of workers”, on which they were suspiciously silent.
However, if someone is caught on their CCTV stealing some socks during winter, then you are absolutely going to be hearing about it.
When we reached out to this entirely fictitious supermarket chain for comment, the spokesperson stated that stealing is very bad, unless it’s an ongoing administrative error, and that these thieving bums should just get their family to give them a real job. The spokesperson then had to leave abruptly because they urgently had to attend to the business task of creating a sponsored post of their sportscar on Instagram.