27 January, 2023

Dad unnecessarily angry about how safe St. Kilda Playground is these days

DAN SCHMIDT

Tired of enclosed trampolines, anti-bullying campaigns and gluten intolerances, distant father of six Darren Dedbeit decided to take the kids to St. Kilda Playground during their annual visitation weekend.

‘Thought I’d bring the kids here to toughen them up a bit’, said Dedbeit ‘You know, a few grazes, concussions and a bit of paralysis, but I was shocked at what’s happened to this place. It’s ridiculous’.

What was once a death-trap now has safety enclosures, a decent amount of bark chips in potential fall areas and even rails along stairs. Much to Darren’s dismay for some reason

“It’s PC gone mad! And by PC, I mean ‘Playground Caution'”

‘When I used to come here as a kid, the day didn’t end until you had torn ligament or a broken tailbone from going down the slide’, continued Dedbeit ‘These days, the kids couldn’t get hurt if they tried. And believe me, we did try. I was pushing them down the slides as hard as I could, greasing up the monkey bars, I even got some tools out of the car to try and loosen the bolts on the flying fox, but still I had no luck. South Aussie kids are now doomed unfortunately’.

In several last ditch efforts to experience the playground pain he once experienced, because he somehow felt this would be a good thing for his children, Dedbeit started resorting to drastic measures.

‘Yeah, I chucked little Jayden off the top of the Pirate ship onto the jagged rocks. But not only did he not get hurt, somehow it made him healthier, cured his asthma right up. This place isn’t what it used to be. Although it probably is a good thing they boarded those tunnels under the hill up, because of all the…well, you know’.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Next round of JobKeeper payments to be means-tested on whether your family can afford this milk

3 September, 2020

3 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT With Commonwealth funds rapidly running out due to the decisions of a welfare-obsessed, handout-crazed Federal Labor government, Treasury...

Victorians stowed away on train raise suspicion when they try to get off at Chidda

15 July, 2020

15 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Four Victorians have raised the suspicions of fellow passengers when they attempted to alight at the mythical Chidda...

SA Dentists host annual Farmers Union Iced Coffee appreciation night

9 December, 2019

9 December, 2019

South Australia’s dentists gathered for their industry’s night of nights on Saturday night, with their annual Farmers Union Thanksgiving Dinner....

Local numpty goes to new Royal Adelaide Hospital just to have a look around

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

Despite having no current health issues, John Duffle of Windsor Gardens has made his fourth trip to the new Royal...

Vista local resigned to the fact it’s just easier to say they’re from Tea Tree Gully

29 October, 2018

29 October, 2018

‘Vista? Do you mean Para Vista?’ is the age old question that Britney Nicholls has heard time and time again...

Now here’s something we don’t mind Victoria stealing from SA

6 November, 2019

6 November, 2019

News has broken on several less reputable news-sites that failed Mayo candidate and novelty cheque aficionado Georgina Downer will be...

Big Red Car mag wheels stolen at Elizabeth City Centre

31 October, 2018

31 October, 2018

Disappointed children and slightly relieved parents have arrived at Elizabeth Shopping Centre to find the multi-coloured mag wheels stolen from...

Fringe comedian claiming to have performed at Edinburgh just told some jokes outside the RAAF base

16 March, 2022

16 March, 2022

As the Adelaide Fringe Festival begins to wind down, some local comedians are resorting to new tactics in an attempt...

City of Unley removes controversial Will Smith from Cross Road window

4 April, 2022

4 April, 2022

MAN IN BLACK: After news breaking of the now embattled Will Smith resigning from the Academy, the City of Unley...

Government shocked when video of weeping man doesn’t encourage tourists to flock to SA

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

A baffling marketing campaign featuring an elderly man weeping as he toured throughout South Australia’s tourism hot spots has been...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

Limited edition Womenz FruChocs released for International Women’s Day

5 March, 2020

5 March, 2020

MATT FREEMAN Menz Confectionery have released a special limited edition run of their much beloved FruChocs for International Women’s Day...

Person who calls The Grove “The Grove” clearly not from around here

28 July, 2022

28 July, 2022

A shopper in Adelaide’s north-eastern suburbs has turned a few heads this morning after referring to Golden Grove’s fourth best...

PAC old scholar furious at suggestion he went to Saints

10 September, 2018

10 September, 2018

An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed St Peter’s...

Valley Butchers unsure why anybody would be offended by new sign

18 September, 2019

18 September, 2019

An Adelaide butcher who was found to have breached advertising standards by displaying a sign that read ‘Non Halal Certified’...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: